Breathing Heavily Makes Me Feel So Fat, Especially In Public. I Swear It's Anxiety, I'm Not Struggling

what I eat in a day 3

-1400 to start

breakfast:

2 protein puddings

+295kcal and 40g protein

I also put a bit of cinnamon in the vanilla one for an immunity and metabolism boost

+15kcal energy drink during a walkie (we don't count outside walk calories over here)

I felt bad for not exercising so I did my arms (since it's the only muscle currently not burning simply from existing) using my bf as a personal trainer B) also using the fact that he has weights at home and I don't. it was muscle intense, not really sweaty so probably didn't burn much kcals, built muscle for sure tho

-50kcal let's say

dinner:

chicken strips

+700kcal and 72g protein

+100kcal i wanted sauce with it...

supper:

+50kcal instant noodles soup thing

-100 workout

i also had like 10 teas today I can't even

end: -390kcal and 112g of protein

what I eat in a day 20

-1400

the agenda for today is to fast until my bf comes home as he wanted McDonald's, I'm gonna take what I usually take but I need free kcals to eat it obv

-180kcal treadmill BUT THE POWER WENT OUT I don't wanna do this no more

-50kcal exercise

+42kcal caprisun

-40kcal walk

dinner:

+873kcal, 55g protein nuggets

+324kcal sauces

-80kcal workout

we ate at 7pm btw, technically a 20h fast

+155kcal chocolate and tea

end: -356kcal, 55g protein

what I eat in a day 47

-1300

breakfast:

+350kcal, 10g pancakes with apple

went on a walk with bfs fam, 4k steps

+500kcal cake

+150kcal cookies type thing

I fell asleep and didn't eat after that when I woke up as it was late

end: -300kcal, 10g protein

yeah so turns out you can't control eds, I just wanted to have a calorie deficit but starving makes me feel so good now. I'm not gonna let myself relapse, I'm still going to eat because I don't wanna completely lose it but oh it's so back.

!!!DON'T REPORT, JUST BLOCK AND MOVE ON, IM PRO RECOVERY, THIS IS ALL FOR ME, MYSELF AND I!!!

rules for myself:

eat 1400kcal a day, don't starve yourself, include as much protein as you can

limit your sugar but don't get rid of it, you don't want your brain shutting off

limit snacking, opt for gum or tea

make an effort to look down on your plate when you're eating, make sure your brain is registering the meal

don't count calories from walks with friends (that's entertainment, not exercise), count calories from the treadmill, exercise and walking outside when it's only purpose is to burn kcals (running errands doesn't count)

also don't count calories from seasoning etc, it's such tiny amounts it probably cancels out with walking around the house

drink as much water as you can

remember to take thyroid medication, don't abuse it

it's ok if progress is slow, you literally take hormonal pills and have broken organs

try to sleep at least 8h a day, insomnia lowers metabolism

don't freak out over 1kg up or down, it's most likely water weight or you need to take a shit

leave your ana personality on Tumblr, being around anorexic people that don't wanna recover is miserable (if you do wanna recover I support you and I'm proud of you, ask for help!!)

if you slip up, don't give up

if tired or feeling unwell, it's okay to skip exercising that day, it's better to keep mental motivation over pushing yourself too much and quitting

get to know me!

what I eat in a day 63

-1300

+158kcal, 20g protein pudding

+690kcal wine with friend...

+238kcal, 10g protein bar

+1050kcal, 48g 19 mcdonalds nuggets (around 940kcal for nuggets and the rest I'm guessing for 2 sauces)

-444kcal walking

end: 392kcal, 78g protein

what I eat in a day 1

the days starts with:

-1400kcal (as this is how much I plan on eating)

-230kcal running / walking (about 45 min on the treadmill)

breakfast:

eggs, scrambled, on butter, with a dash of milk (165kcal, 13g of protein)

2 rice cakes on the side (80kcal, 1g protein)

+245kcal and 14g protein

ended up eating only 1 rice cake as it was too boring...

-40kcal and -0.5g protein

green tea

-150kcal (roughly?) workout + stretches

1 bite of chocolate (prolly +20? kcal)

another green tea

dinner:

400g of ground beef (1016kcal, 69g protein),

1 whole paprika (20kcal, 1g protein),

430g of passata (120kcal, 8g protein),

200g mozarella light (314kcal, 38g protein),

seasoning and a handful of lettuce (not even gonna count that, pointless I'd say)

400g of pasta (760kcal, 35g protein)

so roughly in total: 1445g, 2230kcal and 151g of protein

the serving I took out of that is 500g

the rest is for tomorrow and maybe for my boyfriend, I also made it spicy

500g means I ate about

+772kcal and 52g of protein

supper:

+185kcal of chocolate (I really needed a sweet treat gang..)

and some green tea againnnn

that's it!

end: -598kcal so in a deficit! I also ate 65.5g of protein

(absolutely cannot guarantee the accuracy of my calculations ToT)

what I eat in a day 25

-1400

-60kcal exercise

breakfast:

+502kcal, 30g

+150kcal of random shit because I was snacking while cooking for bf again

+37kcal chocolate

+50kcal, 4g cauliflower

dinner:

+423kcal, 27g lasagne, same as yesterday

-25kcal workout

+113kcal chocolate

end: -210kcal, 61g protein

what I eat in a day 40

-1300

breakfast:

+20kcal coffee

+146kcal, 1g apple

+29kcal, 1g nuts

dinner:

tortilla scraps, hot dogs, spinach, yesterday's chicken

+599kcal, 80g

+30kcal sauce

-240kcal walk / jog outside

+183kcal, 6g lil pizza

-25kcal exercise

I decided to start counting proteins from sweets cause that was actually a dumb rule, it's not like I'm gonna start eating chocolate instead of meat or smth

+242kcal, 4g chocolate

end: -316kcal, 92g protein

what I eat in a day 38

-1300

-100kcal exercise

I have been forced to eat, very much forced, I managed to fight it into small portions

+400kcal, 4g maybe? who tf knows

i tried to purge but I have no gag reflex and I only managed to get maybe half the ice cream out -50kcal??

also we went on a walk idk 7k steps smth like that

+1300kcal ?? kebab that I promised I would eat

tried to puke it too -100kcal maybe

everything is a maybe today this day is completely fucked twisted I'm a mess sorry gang

-50kcal exercise

i don't wanna even count this or look at it anymore goodnight