I Have Always Seen Videos And Blogs And Numerous Articles Telling You How You Can Achieve Your Best Self

It's easier for my parents to say, speak up more in class, ask more, stop acting dumb but it's just sad that they never thought why I have turned into a very quiet person when once I was known as a chatterbox..... as a kid during PTM, the teacher used to complain that I talk too much but now my teachers say that I don't talk at all. It's sad that my parents never questioned me on this 180 change in behavior

I cried yesterday sitting on my bathroom floor and I almost had anxiety attack (idk I felt so anxious and frustered and almost cried and my chest was feeling tight) when my best friend ignored and slightly humiliated me and I cried while writing the previous post.

I just hope I'm not in depression cuz I dont want to be in depression. I truly want to correct my life and i promise that I start with my studies.

I promise myself that there will be a day when I'll be content and there would be no sadness in my mind.

honestly, I think all I needed was for my bestfriend to come and scold me and then help me to make a plan to reach my goals...

I need to study because I want to get in the best college/ university so that I can get good placement and starting package can be good also to have sophisticated and quality education compared to the rest of the people. I really want to be the girl who would make it above average. I want to be that girl who is disgustingly overeducated so that the second anyone has a question I am the first person they turn to and I am able to answer that question surely without a doubt on myself or my answer. I want to be appreciated and known for my knowledge because that is also the one thing that no one could ever take from me. tbh i just want to be that person which other parents use an example infront of their kids.(I swear this is the Indian in me)

At this point I'm not sure whether my mindset is good or not because no person should be this sad and lonely and depressed

Manifesting and Working hard towards THIS🤞🤞

my parents specially my mother always judge me on my marks....they'll scold me.....they want me to do well and it's understandable cuz i failed physics and thats very low for me cuz last year i got 95. They are screaming at each other, finding tuitions so I do better (mind you, I already go to school AND COACHING) so much happened and none of them sat next to me and just asked "what happened? what problems did you face?" NOOOOOO they are convinced because things went according to me last year. Everything I do must be wrong, every way i did things must be wrongs.......and they are so misinformed (I want to just scream now) I can't even call it misinformation cause that would imply they have information but NOOO they don't have the full picture nor are they trying to see the full. they don't know what it's like to live through it and they want to dictate everything because ofcourse last year i did everything according to myself and i failed. They are (my mother is....I swear she is a witch for me now) convinced that everything they do is gonna turn out great because that is exactly what happened 2 years ago. BUT YOU STUPID PEOPLE, I WASN'T GOING TO COACHING **AND** SCHOOL THAT YEAR, I WASN'T HAVING **THAT** BIG OF A SYLLABUS . but yk what I don't have the energy to talk to them right now because they just pull the marks.....they just pull the fact that I FAILED and I am acting as if doesn't bother me. you dumbshits, ofc it bothers me.....I've been crying everyday in the morning but why would i show it YOU when I know you're gonna taunt me about it? Do you think I'm stupid?

I just had my retest today and I would like to thank God , because I passed my retest. Thank you so much god for listening to me. I promise this session I am gonna aim for 96%. I am going to study consistently everyday. I am going to prove it to myself that I can do it. All the mistakes I made in 11th, I'm gonna correct them now. I would just like to retell myself that it's never too late to correct your mistakes or it's ever too late to start studying. You can do it. All the best

(And yes, I'll keep updating..)

🫶🏻🫶🏻

Do not be afraid to speak up and take up space, babe. 💞

Am I depressed ? I do need a hug. I can't even cry anymore cuz my mom would taunt me about it and I don't want to hear them. I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. I just feel like my life just gets sadder and sadder cuz I rn remembering all the things that I did because I felt lonely and insecure and yk i just needed a friend who had me as their priority. I was so used to be the third friend that always had to see my other friends talking about things that went over my head and I used to just laugh to blend that's what I've been doing till now. And it just gets even sadder . My mom is making it worse and honestly idk how but she's actually making it worse maybe it's because I've realised that it's not normal to be this way or I've reached or maybe it just added up but please god do I really need this big of a character development?? When I have no one to actually talk about the things that matter and not the small stupid things that barely contribute. Why am I so opinion less and clueless in this world where everybody knows what they want and I just look around judge myself according to other people. People who are smarter than me and then people who are not smarter than me and then I pick a choice .....like please at this point I really just need a guide. Someone who could just shield me. Please help me