Am I Depressed ? I Do Need A Hug. I Can't Even Cry Anymore Cuz My Mom Would Taunt Me About It And I Don't
Am I depressed ? I do need a hug. I can't even cry anymore cuz my mom would taunt me about it and I don't want to hear them. I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. I just feel like my life just gets sadder and sadder cuz I rn remembering all the things that I did because I felt lonely and insecure and yk i just needed a friend who had me as their priority. I was so used to be the third friend that always had to see my other friends talking about things that went over my head and I used to just laugh to blend that's what I've been doing till now. And it just gets even sadder . My mom is making it worse and honestly idk how but she's actually making it worse maybe it's because I've realised that it's not normal to be this way or I've reached or maybe it just added up but please god do I really need this big of a character development?? When I have no one to actually talk about the things that matter and not the small stupid things that barely contribute. Why am I so opinion less and clueless in this world where everybody knows what they want and I just look around judge myself according to other people. People who are smarter than me and then people who are not smarter than me and then I pick a choice .....like please at this point I really just need a guide. Someone who could just shield me. Please help me
More Posts from U-wont-guess-who and Others
My mom read my diary....and everything is a mess
You put this into words
Not to get too deep on my first post but did anyone else have such deeply rooted issues with their self worth for so long that they thought as a teen that their only redeeming feature was being "low maintenance" and now you give yourself guilt pangs asking for any more than the barest minimum in virtually any relationship because asking for things might negate your good quality which is" doesn't ask for things"
I dont feel like my life is on track. I was studying so ache se in the starting of the session but now again I'm distracted by songs and fanfictions and dreams etc
this is me
It's easier for my parents to say, speak up more in class, ask more, stop acting dumb but it's just sad that they never thought why I have turned into a very quiet person when once I was known as a chatterbox..... as a kid during PTM, the teacher used to complain that I talk too much but now my teachers say that I don't talk at all. It's sad that my parents never questioned me on this 180 change in behavior
I started a productivity challenge for myself a few days ago....I was barely conpleting it. Only able to tick off 1 item off my to do list. I was still procrastinating watching tv shows, reading fanfictions, daydreaming. I still started this challenge of productivity, I was falsely trying to convince myself that I'll make it, that atleast I started with baby steps such as thinking about this, then posting the first 3 days of it on tumblr. But the real reason that I did this was because I was afraid I was gonna fail my physics exam. This was the fear inside me that I was trying to hide from myself and the people around me. And that is exactly what happened to me, I failed my physics exam and you wanna know the worst part? I kind of don't really care. And my parents didn't care either. Not in the way that you're thinking but last year in 10th grade, I was always being pushed to do best and my mom did so much for me, she used to teach me but since 11th I've heard it from so many people that 11th goes bad for every pcm kid and everyone suffers a downfall from 10th to 11th. But I literally failed. I went from getting atleast 95% to not even passing. That's how low I have fallen and i haven't cried yet. I feel like since I've been exposed to too many people saying that bad grades are literally a cannon event in 11th, I've grown numb to getting low score. Even though I'm realising this and writing it out, I'm still not feeling the sadness and the determination I know I would have felt in 10th and this is so sad. It is so disheartening. And tbh I'm clueless on how to study now. I have 2 days for the retest. A part of me is still sad about the indifference and the lack of emotion I'm showing regarding this.
At this point I'm not sure whether my mindset is good or not because no person should be this sad and lonely and depressed
lately I've been putting off so much work and I am getting so irritated. rn also I am writing this when i should be preparing for my tution test. hoepfully i get good marks.
DATE : 10-3-25
Aim: IIT Bombay,CS
2/100
I started my day with watching my fav series for like 4 hours straight after that I had my lunch and then I got to work. I completed 1 whole chapter of maths.
5hr 3min on ypt
