It's Easier For My Parents To Say, Speak Up More In Class, Ask More, Stop Acting Dumb But It's Just Sad

Amen

you deserve to be your healthiest self

this is me

DATE : 10-3-25

Aim: IIT Bombay,CS

2/100

I started my day with watching my fav series for like 4 hours straight after that I had my lunch and then I got to work. I completed 1 whole chapter of maths.

5hr 3min on ypt

why does my mother always make me feel guilty about wanting to eat something sweet after my meal. and it's not as if I'm demanding a desert. I literally just want one bite of something sweet and she just rants out when i try to eat a few raisins or like a piece of mango or watermelon or maybe just one biscuit.

I started a productivity challenge for myself a few days ago....I was barely conpleting it. Only able to tick off 1 item off my to do list. I was still procrastinating watching tv shows, reading fanfictions, daydreaming. I still started this challenge of productivity, I was falsely trying to convince myself that I'll make it, that atleast I started with baby steps such as thinking about this, then posting the first 3 days of it on tumblr. But the real reason that I did this was because I was afraid I was gonna fail my physics exam. This was the fear inside me that I was trying to hide from myself and the people around me. And that is exactly what happened to me, I failed my physics exam and you wanna know the worst part? I kind of don't really care. And my parents didn't care either. Not in the way that you're thinking but last year in 10th grade, I was always being pushed to do best and my mom did so much for me, she used to teach me but since 11th I've heard it from so many people that 11th goes bad for every pcm kid and everyone suffers a downfall from 10th to 11th. But I literally failed. I went from getting atleast 95% to not even passing. That's how low I have fallen and i haven't cried yet. I feel like since I've been exposed to too many people saying that bad grades are literally a cannon event in 11th, I've grown numb to getting low score. Even though I'm realising this and writing it out, I'm still not feeling the sadness and the determination I know I would have felt in 10th and this is so sad. It is so disheartening. And tbh I'm clueless on how to study now. I have 2 days for the retest. A part of me is still sad about the indifference and the lack of emotion I'm showing regarding this.

My mother is a bitch....She judges my worth according to my marks. I love her but she's is the most negative and irrational person. sometimes I wish that she wasn't my mother.....honestly I am glad my mindset is good because of reading books otherwise I would have definitely been depressed and suicidal. according to her "mai eek boj hoon family pr "

I try to be the person with low requirements cuz I genuinely feel that's my only plus point but it's sad when you realise your "friends" take advantage of it

Dear self,

Snap the FUCK out of it.STOP. literally searching for a reason to be upset. Remind yourself of your blessings , you have everything you need. Change your perspective

Love,

Me

Ps. I love you

lately I've been putting off so much work and I am getting so irritated. rn also I am writing this when i should be preparing for my tution test. hoepfully i get good marks.

Dude you were too harsh with your callout😭😭

Look at you. Browsing the same four apps over and over again looking to find your parents' love that you never got, from strangers' validation.