DATE : 10-3-25

Dear self,

Snap the FUCK out of it.STOP. literally searching for a reason to be upset. Remind yourself of your blessings , you have everything you need. Change your perspective

Love,

Me

Ps. I love you

It's easier for my parents to say, speak up more in class, ask more, stop acting dumb but it's just sad that they never thought why I have turned into a very quiet person when once I was known as a chatterbox..... as a kid during PTM, the teacher used to complain that I talk too much but now my teachers say that I don't talk at all. It's sad that my parents never questioned me on this 180 change in behavior

Its 12:55am and I'll study as if my exam is tomorrow...I'll update you on how it goes

I do this thing where I want to talk to someone but i don't know what to say or how to start the talk......It's not anxiety or shyness or overthinking.....It's just lack of content in my case

I know it's very wrong that I failed physics and had yo give a retest and I know last year I didn't study at all. I know it's my mistake but really mom? Do you think screaming at me about it 24/7 would help? I love how you easily give up and think I can't do it. And when you say that again and again, in doing nothing but cursing you in mind and it's not something I want to do. You're my mom but I have kind of lost respect for you, the only reason I act a little respectfully is because I feel obliged to return something in return because it was you who shaped me into the person I am today and honestly I'm proud of myself for my EQ. Yes I know it's wrong for me to be distracted the whole year to the point where I failed a subject but honestly what I am telling myself is that I gained an experience, a bad one, something I don't want to repeat ever again but it's just an experience, it was just one phase on my life. I'm not gonna let that define my whole life, I am sure I am not a failure because I haven't given up and I have moved on to start with the new session already, sure my last session was a mess but I'll do better. I'll make it better. I'm not just gonna stop and give up because I didn't achieve the model grades. That's so stupid and dumb.

Today was my result day and I got 64%....never in my entire life have I gotten less than 90. But this year I was just plain arrogant , I wanted to get good marks by just studying on the last days and I was getting annoyed that it wasn't working in class 11 because for the previous years it was working out. So in the end I actually failed physics and gave retest for it and barely passed. My parents expressed their disappointment and honestly I'm dissapointed in myself too.....but I FAILED PHYSICS THEN WHY ARE THEY TELLING ME TO GET MATHS TUTION? I mean Ik my maths werent that good but I failed physics not maths besides out of PCM my highest was in maths.........................but idk how to speak about this to my papa

I think ultimately you become whoever would have saved you the time no one did

If you're friends with a judgemental person you'll truly fear being yourself...

I read this in a tumblr post and I can relate to this. My friend was so smart(she still is) she was good at studies and at playing piano and whenever I used to go with her to learn to play piano I used to feel so inferior because she used to judge me unashamedly infront of me and laugh at the smallest of my mistakes. She was my best friend and I could never connect with her on a personal level. Never. she had confessed many things to me and i had always helped her but i never really confessed any of my fear or my core problems . I really felt inferior subtly always and when it used to be very profound I used to fight back but it always used to go to the previous way of her always making me feel subtly inferior .

Today she ignored me cuz I spent time with one of my other friend instead of her and honestly even though her advices were great and that she was smart I am just done going back to her and give her reasons on why I spent time with that friend instead of her.

Like we were friends no not just friends but best friends for 3 years but I can not just let her lord over me. I am already trying to cope up with my increasing backlogs . I really don't want to deal with her. If she wants to ignore then it's fine I'm ignoring her back. I don't have to deal with her it's my choice.

I know I'll miss her but I'll never regret this decision cuz she cant manipulate me by ignoring me and I know even if I still go back to her I'll feel inferior to her and I dont want to experience that.

I cried today.

I needed this

✧˖° how to stop self-sabotaging your success (and finally commit to doing the work)

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hi angel, mindy here. let’s talk. because i know you want this. you want to be that student who shows up for herself/himself. you want to stop making excuses. you want to feel proud of yourself when this is all over. so why do you keep putting up roadblocks in your own way? why do you keep pulling yourself away from the very thing you know you need to do?

self-sabotage is not laziness. it’s fear, it’s perfectionism, it’s comfort, it’s this deep, quiet resistance that whispers, what if i try and fail? so you never fully try.

but guess what? we’re breaking that cycle today. right now.

✧˖° the illusion of "i’ll do it later"

procrastination is a liar with a pretty voice. it tells you that you’ll do it when you feel more ready, when you’re in a better mood, when the circumstances are just right. but the truth? later is just a hiding place.

so next time you catch yourself saying “i’ll do it tonight” or “tomorrow is better,” stop. ask yourself: what makes later better than now? if you don’t have a solid answer, it’s just fear talking.

✧˖° you’re scared of what happens when you actually succeed

self-sabotage isn’t just about the fear of failure. sometimes, it’s the fear of what happens when you actually get what you’ve been working toward.

because success? means expectations. it means proving that you can do it again. it means stepping into a version of yourself that no longer has excuses. and that can be terrifying.

but here’s the truth: the version of you that’s waiting on the other side of this work? she’s not a stranger. she’s still you, just with more proof of what you’re capable of.

✧˖° your study habits are built around guilt, not discipline

if studying always feels like punishment, if your entire academic routine is built around the feeling of “i should be doing more,” of course you’re going to resist it.

so let’s shift this. instead of studying because you have to, start studying because you deserve to succeed. because you want to feel prepared. because the version of you who walks into that exam room with confidence? deserves to exist.

make studying feel like an investment, not a punishment. romanticize it. find ways to make it an experience you don’t want to run from. pinterest is your best friend, studytok is your motivator and me (@glowettee is your mentor 😉)

✧˖° you wait for motivation instead of creating discipline

motivation is like a guest who shows up unannounced. sometimes, she arrives when you least expect it, and sometimes, she ghosts you for weeks.

discipline, though? discipline is the friend who always shows up. she’s reliable. she doesn’t wait until she “feels like it.” she just does it, because that’s who she is.

so stop waiting for motivation to hit like some kind of magical burst of energy. instead, set up routines that make studying non-negotiable. that make it feel natural. like brushing your teeth, like making your bed, like second nature.

✧˖° self-sabotage is a pattern. patterns can be broken.

if you’ve spent years avoiding hard work, of course your brain is going to resist when you suddenly decide to commit. your instincts are wired to avoid discomfort.

but the good news? self-sabotage is a learned habit. which means you can unlearn it. every time you choose to sit down and do the work, even when you don’t want to, you are rewriting your patterns. you are proving to yourself that you are not the same person who gives up.

and eventually? showing up for yourself won’t feel like a battle anymore. it will feel normal. it will feel like who you are.

✧˖° this is the moment you choose differently

look, you can close this post and keep doing what you’ve always done. you can keep waiting for some magical day when it all feels easy. or you can make a decision, right here, right now.

you can decide that you are done getting in your own way. that you are done letting fear win. that you are done delaying your own success.

because the version of you who is already succeeding? she is not far away. she is right there, waiting for you to step into her shoes.

it’s time, angel. show up.

love you all sooo much <3 i hope this post can help you understand; self-discipline > motivation

with love, mindy