I Cried Yesterday Sitting On My Bathroom Floor And I Almost Had Anxiety Attack (idk I Felt So Anxious

I cried today.

So true

the issue with 2:15 is thats already 4 pm

I really really regret all m mistakes last year....all I needed was someone to help me out .....all I needed was a hug ......all I really needed was someone to listen to me without judging and to explain things that are common sense for people. I know I can still do it though but I'm still alone. I feel like im always alone

I just studied for 1 hr today.....my day was wasted 💔

I don't want to be a burden to my parents, I really really want to be their pride. The one who fulfills my and their dreams. I want to be a role model for my small brother so that no matter what he has me as the safety net. But here I am, I failed my exam, it's a first and I'm not even studying properly ,the exam is in 2 days and I am just so horrible. I couldn't even keep the promise I made to myself. What if everything turns out so bad that I can't even trust myself?

The success you've been looking for is hidden in the work you've been avoiding. The life you want for yourself is literally waiting on you, you just have to put in the work first. Read that again.

I started a productivity challenge for myself a few days ago....I was barely conpleting it. Only able to tick off 1 item off my to do list. I was still procrastinating watching tv shows, reading fanfictions, daydreaming. I still started this challenge of productivity, I was falsely trying to convince myself that I'll make it, that atleast I started with baby steps such as thinking about this, then posting the first 3 days of it on tumblr. But the real reason that I did this was because I was afraid I was gonna fail my physics exam. This was the fear inside me that I was trying to hide from myself and the people around me. And that is exactly what happened to me, I failed my physics exam and you wanna know the worst part? I kind of don't really care. And my parents didn't care either. Not in the way that you're thinking but last year in 10th grade, I was always being pushed to do best and my mom did so much for me, she used to teach me but since 11th I've heard it from so many people that 11th goes bad for every pcm kid and everyone suffers a downfall from 10th to 11th. But I literally failed. I went from getting atleast 95% to not even passing. That's how low I have fallen and i haven't cried yet. I feel like since I've been exposed to too many people saying that bad grades are literally a cannon event in 11th, I've grown numb to getting low score. Even though I'm realising this and writing it out, I'm still not feeling the sadness and the determination I know I would have felt in 10th and this is so sad. It is so disheartening. And tbh I'm clueless on how to study now. I have 2 days for the retest. A part of me is still sad about the indifference and the lack of emotion I'm showing regarding this.

honestly, I think all I needed was for my bestfriend to come and scold me and then help me to make a plan to reach my goals...

why does my mother always make me feel guilty about wanting to eat something sweet after my meal. and it's not as if I'm demanding a desert. I literally just want one bite of something sweet and she just rants out when i try to eat a few raisins or like a piece of mango or watermelon or maybe just one biscuit.

Its 12:55am and I'll study as if my exam is tomorrow...I'll update you on how it goes