I Don't Want To Be A Burden To My Parents, I Really Really Want To Be Their Pride. The One Who Fulfills

If only my mom could understand this....she needs to stop comparing my worth according to my marks

“you were supposed to be loved in your being, not in your performance.”

I don't know what — I..,,well

If you're friends with a judgemental person you'll truly fear being yourself...

I read this in a tumblr post and I can relate to this. My friend was so smart(she still is) she was good at studies and at playing piano and whenever I used to go with her to learn to play piano I used to feel so inferior because she used to judge me unashamedly infront of me and laugh at the smallest of my mistakes. She was my best friend and I could never connect with her on a personal level. Never. she had confessed many things to me and i had always helped her but i never really confessed any of my fear or my core problems . I really felt inferior subtly always and when it used to be very profound I used to fight back but it always used to go to the previous way of her always making me feel subtly inferior .

Today she ignored me cuz I spent time with one of my other friend instead of her and honestly even though her advices were great and that she was smart I am just done going back to her and give her reasons on why I spent time with that friend instead of her.

Like we were friends no not just friends but best friends for 3 years but I can not just let her lord over me. I am already trying to cope up with my increasing backlogs . I really don't want to deal with her. If she wants to ignore then it's fine I'm ignoring her back. I don't have to deal with her it's my choice.

I know I'll miss her but I'll never regret this decision cuz she cant manipulate me by ignoring me and I know even if I still go back to her I'll feel inferior to her and I dont want to experience that.

🫡

you don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom to start over or decide it’s time to improve

Be scared and do it anyway. Be unqualified and get in the room anyway. Be messy, imperfect and unsure and still show up anyway. Comfort is the enemy of growth. Get uncomfortable

I really really regret all m mistakes last year....all I needed was someone to help me out .....all I needed was a hug ......all I really needed was someone to listen to me without judging and to explain things that are common sense for people. I know I can still do it though but I'm still alone. I feel like im always alone

i cried today as well. two days in a row and I cried. Is my life so depressing. agar iss bitch ko hurt feel hua hai ki mai fail hui hoon toh isse kya lagta hai ki mein khushi se naach rhi hoti hoon kya?

matlab faltu mein kuch bhi krne ke liye bolna hai toh eek line nhi 6-7 line mein chilla kr shrill voice mei bolna jaruri hai kya. issliye keh rhi hoon main ki she needs a therapist kyunki she definately needs help and i don't even mean this in an insulting way. She does need help and honestly it would benefit us a lot if she would go to a damn therapist. i swear jab mein badi hongi and if i have children of my own i would never let them feel so lonely that they would turn to books for imagination and friends. my priorities for them would be their health (which obv includes mental health), i want them to have a healthy and a good mindset and then knowledge. i hate her and i am cursing her out so often it's not good for me and not good for her either. when she doesn't know the whole fucking picture why the fuck is she coming to scold me? like no bitch i don't like annoying you and i genuinely don't know how to wake up in the mornings, like i don't know why i can't listen you waking me up. i don't know maybe i'm a heavy sleeper. i don't know anything to cure it. and yes i know i failed physics but did you ever come and talk to me about it? no you just speak in the fucking shrilly tone of yours and tell me that i need tution and how you are going to make me leave coaching. bitch i hate you. you say that i keep things hidden from you. you don't even listen to a fucking word i speak and you totally get the meaning of my words wrong. and you would never try to understand where i'm coming from.you're so narrow minded you would never try and understand me, you try and fail to be understanding so you know what please stop so i can atleast hate you properly

Amen

you deserve to be your healthiest self

yk I was in 9th. and it was my PTM. i got 51/80 marks in maths during my half yearly's and obviously i was scolded so much much for it. my parents scolded me on the day i told them the result and till the PTM also they were taunting me about it and i used to just keep quiet because i felt it was justified as i used to go to maths tution as well. but on that ptm day my teacher just told my dad that i did great because before it i got 14/30 in the unit test and she just said that i did good, i improved because in the first unit test i was not able to score half marks but this i scored more than half and that is great. My dad did not resonate with thought but ma'am when you said that it literally made me cry i held my tears back but thank you so much for acknowledging it. thank you so much this literally made me cry. that's my life now crying while remembering every short little good thing a stranger has done for me. it's sad because i can't remember anything of my parents. but i know my dad would protect me and take my side against others but i can't say the same about my mom. because all throughout my childhood she has always taken my cousins side and never mine and i've always felt jealous because my cousins used to have their mothers supporting them and MY mom too. and then they used to make fun of me and i was all alone

why was my childhood so freakin sad? i used to think i was a happy kid and i used to never cry. i can say with confidence that i have never cried from the age of 9-13 but why are those incidents coming to me now? why am i crying because of them NOW? it's been so long why the fuck are they bothering me now of all times when i am at my lowest. god just help me out. at this point i don't about my sadness i just want to fulfill my goals. as long as i go to IIT Bombay(CS) away from my house. I'll be fine.

16 days of productivity starts now.....I know I can do it. Just prove it to yourself that you can do it

So true

the issue with 2:15 is thats already 4 pm