16 Days Of Productivity Starts Now.....I Know I Can Do It. Just Prove It To Yourself That You Can Do

My mom read my diary....and everything is a mess

i cried today as well. two days in a row and I cried. Is my life so depressing. agar iss bitch ko hurt feel hua hai ki mai fail hui hoon toh isse kya lagta hai ki mein khushi se naach rhi hoti hoon kya?

matlab faltu mein kuch bhi krne ke liye bolna hai toh eek line nhi 6-7 line mein chilla kr shrill voice mei bolna jaruri hai kya. issliye keh rhi hoon main ki she needs a therapist kyunki she definately needs help and i don't even mean this in an insulting way. She does need help and honestly it would benefit us a lot if she would go to a damn therapist. i swear jab mein badi hongi and if i have children of my own i would never let them feel so lonely that they would turn to books for imagination and friends. my priorities for them would be their health (which obv includes mental health), i want them to have a healthy and a good mindset and then knowledge. i hate her and i am cursing her out so often it's not good for me and not good for her either. when she doesn't know the whole fucking picture why the fuck is she coming to scold me? like no bitch i don't like annoying you and i genuinely don't know how to wake up in the mornings, like i don't know why i can't listen you waking me up. i don't know maybe i'm a heavy sleeper. i don't know anything to cure it. and yes i know i failed physics but did you ever come and talk to me about it? no you just speak in the fucking shrilly tone of yours and tell me that i need tution and how you are going to make me leave coaching. bitch i hate you. you say that i keep things hidden from you. you don't even listen to a fucking word i speak and you totally get the meaning of my words wrong. and you would never try to understand where i'm coming from.you're so narrow minded you would never try and understand me, you try and fail to be understanding so you know what please stop so i can atleast hate you properly

I cried today :( I dont get why my mother has to shout shrilly at me when she knows I'm in a hurry and things are not going through a schedule. I was booking a cab today and she is shouting at me for taking so long to book a cab when I do it every week. She is making it out as my fault . It's not my fault your phone is so dumb and always hanging and crashing and not working when I want it to work at the crucial moment . I also know its been 30 minutes already no need to come and shout at the freaking top of your lungs . Like bitch you made me cry. If you dont wanna contribute to anything nice in my life then why you need to come and shout and make me cry.

I really really regret all m mistakes last year....all I needed was someone to help me out .....all I needed was a hug ......all I really needed was someone to listen to me without judging and to explain things that are common sense for people. I know I can still do it though but I'm still alone. I feel like im always alone

🫶🏻🫶🏻

Do not be afraid to speak up and take up space, babe. 💞

my parents specially my mother always judge me on my marks....they'll scold me.....they want me to do well and it's understandable cuz i failed physics and thats very low for me cuz last year i got 95. They are screaming at each other, finding tuitions so I do better (mind you, I already go to school AND COACHING) so much happened and none of them sat next to me and just asked "what happened? what problems did you face?" NOOOOOO they are convinced because things went according to me last year. Everything I do must be wrong, every way i did things must be wrongs.......and they are so misinformed (I want to just scream now) I can't even call it misinformation cause that would imply they have information but NOOO they don't have the full picture nor are they trying to see the full. they don't know what it's like to live through it and they want to dictate everything because ofcourse last year i did everything according to myself and i failed. They are (my mother is....I swear she is a witch for me now) convinced that everything they do is gonna turn out great because that is exactly what happened 2 years ago. BUT YOU STUPID PEOPLE, I WASN'T GOING TO COACHING **AND** SCHOOL THAT YEAR, I WASN'T HAVING **THAT** BIG OF A SYLLABUS . but yk what I don't have the energy to talk to them right now because they just pull the marks.....they just pull the fact that I FAILED and I am acting as if doesn't bother me. you dumbshits, ofc it bothers me.....I've been crying everyday in the morning but why would i show it YOU when I know you're gonna taunt me about it? Do you think I'm stupid?

honestly, I think all I needed was for my bestfriend to come and scold me and then help me to make a plan to reach my goals...

yk I was in 9th. and it was my PTM. i got 51/80 marks in maths during my half yearly's and obviously i was scolded so much much for it. my parents scolded me on the day i told them the result and till the PTM also they were taunting me about it and i used to just keep quiet because i felt it was justified as i used to go to maths tution as well. but on that ptm day my teacher just told my dad that i did great because before it i got 14/30 in the unit test and she just said that i did good, i improved because in the first unit test i was not able to score half marks but this i scored more than half and that is great. My dad did not resonate with thought but ma'am when you said that it literally made me cry i held my tears back but thank you so much for acknowledging it. thank you so much this literally made me cry. that's my life now crying while remembering every short little good thing a stranger has done for me. it's sad because i can't remember anything of my parents. but i know my dad would protect me and take my side against others but i can't say the same about my mom. because all throughout my childhood she has always taken my cousins side and never mine and i've always felt jealous because my cousins used to have their mothers supporting them and MY mom too. and then they used to make fun of me and i was all alone

why was my childhood so freakin sad? i used to think i was a happy kid and i used to never cry. i can say with confidence that i have never cried from the age of 9-13 but why are those incidents coming to me now? why am i crying because of them NOW? it's been so long why the fuck are they bothering me now of all times when i am at my lowest. god just help me out. at this point i don't about my sadness i just want to fulfill my goals. as long as i go to IIT Bombay(CS) away from my house. I'll be fine.

So true

the issue with 2:15 is thats already 4 pm

Its 12:55am and I'll study as if my exam is tomorrow...I'll update you on how it goes