I Hate This Stupid Fucking Koala So Much I Hate Him It Makes Me Physically Ill Looking At His Stupid

MY FUMKING WIFE IS HERE LET'S GOOOOOOOOO

I've waited many long, dark years (like 2 months) for my beloved wife (gabriel plushie) to return from the war (come in the mail). My hope is faltering. Come home to me, darling. 😔

bruh one of the actors in a show I'm in just rage quit last night and I'm taking 3 of his parts

we open THIS THURSDAY

Fml I'm in 3D design rn and we had someone come in today to look at everyone's pieces which I was absolutely DREADING because ig I don't feel like talking. Anyhoo she came up to me and asked "do you want to tell me what you're working on? ☺️" and my anxious ass said "no! 😇"

I didn't want to be rude at all bc she's nice but it just came out. I feel really bad about it even though I technically answered her question.

Why am I allowed out of the house?

the show opens today and golly we are COOKED

bruh one of the actors in a show I'm in just rage quit last night and I'm taking 3 of his parts

we open THIS THURSDAY

I just played a game of cat and mouse with my brother except I was the cat and also the mouse.

He thought we were playing keep-away with a mysterious cube but little did he know he was tricked. Fucking hoodwinked. Absolutely bamboozled.

While the fool scrambled to keep it away from me, I cleverly slunk away to my room to eat cheese in peace like a wretched little rodent.

Poor boy didn't even realize.

Face Reveal 💖

I can blow you up with my death ray but only if you beg me

Why is April fools shaping up to be particularly nonchalant this year??? I was ready for chaos and now I get nothing???

IM GOING TO RATTLE YOU.

careful, you'll anger the bees

getting baptized in the mcdonald's ball pit

I have gone into raptures.

For many moons I have reveled in my hellish court, free to content myself with the boundless comfort of knavery and mischief. But my influence is negligible, for what is a jester without an audience? What is a card without a crowd? I am but a servant to the unknown---a slave to a faceless void.

But not now. Now is my time to strike. A shot in the dark, a thump in the night: each blow against friend and foe alike is a blow struck for my right to a roguish and devious existence.

Tonight is the Night of Fools, and there is no greater Fool than I.

I am merely the jester of this court of revels. But tonight?

Tonight, I am King.