Tw Eating Issues - Blog Posts

Today was the first day of tech week for my school play. I was very stressed and have also been dealing with some physical and mental health problems. I was feeling sort of lightheaded and mentioned to my friend that I hadn't eaten earlier because I've been feeling weird about eating today. I kept feeling worse and my friend handed me two oreos which I stared at for a few minutes until I was needed onstage. I felt pretty bad after performing my scene and getting backstage again, and my friend noticed I hadn't eaten the oreos and I had offered one to another person. They proceeded to hand me the oreo and make me eat it while watching me. It was kind, but also pretty embarrassing...

I wish I could have an IV bag or whatever to give me energy and nutrients instead of having to find smth to eat every day

I have brought to you headcanons for Chuuya, Atsushi, and Dazai!

WARNING: These headcanons are about eating disorders and unhealthy relationships with food in general. I am not a professional and have not had any ED's myself, so these headcanons are based solely off of my research and conversations I've had with loved ones who have experienced them. Please seek professional help if you struggle with any eating disorders and proceed with caution.

EDIT: added all the tags I forgot

1. Atsushi has Binge Eating Disorder. Since the orphanage restricted his food so much, he eats uncontrollably a lot and tends to starve himself a bit in between binges. Kyouka knows and tries to help Atsushi, but I don't actually think a lot of the ada members know. Atsushi hides it well and Kyouka respects Atsushis wishes to keep it under wraps. Dazai probably thinks something is up but isn't sure, and Ranpo probably knows about it, but neither say anything to avoid making Atsushi uncomfortable or nervous. Atsushi doesn't really eat in front of people either. The only exception is snacking when he gets super bad hunger panes (I'm talking not going days with eating little to nothing, usually that happens because of mission). Even then he will only binge or really eat in general until he's alone.

2. Chuuya used to have ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). Because of him living in the slums until he was 15, he got used to ignoring hunger panes and limiting how much he was eating because of a lack of food, so when he was accepted into the Port Mafia, he brought those habits with him, and would only eat a certain amount at specific times, usually when he was alone. He probably only ate certain foods like bread, canned products, mostly things that wouldn't expire or would provide a lot of energy without eating much. Koyou, Dazai, and the Flags all helped him work through it so he doesn't have it by the time Canon rolls around and is careful about maintaining a good relationship with food for their sakes. Koyou also checks in on him whenever they meet up.

3. Not really ED related and I've seen this one a lot, but Dazai has days where he has a food aversion because of his depression. The thought of or seeing food makes him sick, or sometimes it's just days where he doesn't feel hungry at all. The days range from being able to eat if its his canned crab, to only drinking a glass or two of whiskey if anything (I imagine that whiskey is a kind of comfort drink to him because of the days where he drank at bar lupin with oda and ango), to refusing to eat and drink anything, whether it's his safe/comfort food or drink or not. Kunikida knows this and it's the main reason he checks in on Dazai to see if he's eaten. I don't think Kunikida is entirely aware of his safe food and drink, though, so if it's one of those days, Kunikida will just take a lot of time gently urging Dazai to eat something. Ranpo also probably knows about it and will sometimes throw a piece of candy Dazais way on those days. The combined efforts usually convince Dazai to eat a bit of canned crab, though it's always alone. Chuuya also knows and will get on Dazai about not eating. He'll also prep some canned crab and keeps a bottle of whiskey at his place just in case. Sure they're not healthy at all but it's better than nothing. The food aversion days were more frequent and worse back when he was still in the PM, and he's gotten better with them now. Though they do still happen every now and then of course.

I don't get how some people can eat whatever they want and not feel guilty about it......

Warning- Mentions of Eating Disorders Below CuT

This just came to me out of nowhere but what if Skully, our lovable goof in the newest Twst event, has an Eating disorder?

Think about it. He either admired Jack Skellington so much, he starved himself to look like him the best he could.

Or

He had the Eating Disorder prior to being obsessed to Jack and now cosplays as Jack to cope and hide that fact.

Or

Maybe I'm overthinking again about how serious his dedication to his osshi is.

This was me thinking about if he ever gets hungry in this event like back in the Stitch one, where everyone on that team still felt hunger on that island. If Skully was also sucked into the book, he still has his senses, like hunger.

But then again, he's obsessed with Jack so... who knows what's going on under that fan boy grin?

16oz water

24 Oz cup of decaf lipton tea - 2 tea bags, 8 splendas and zero sugar coffee creamer

24 Oz cup of decaf lipton tea - 2 tea bags, 8 splendas and zero sugar coffee creamer

I wish I could survive on as little calories as possible. I long to punish myself for the wrong I've done to my ex, my mother or just anyone really that I have displeased with my presence. I need to punish myself. Only then I'll be a good girl inside and out. I'd say a good number for myself would be 500 calories. I need to punish myself. I CANNOT exists on food. My suffering will be atonement for all my sins.

So… I didn’t eat again today. I know I said I would but I genuinely didn’t have time this morning and I’m out of money to buy lunch.

I’ll eat something at dinner time I promise

God at this rate I’m gonna be more malnourished then that glowing russian twink/ref

I haven’t digested anything other then a handful of snacks in the last 48 hours because i lose my breakfast whenever i take my meds, I don’t get lunch money anymore, and I can’t bring myself to eat dinner for some reason.

I think my dad might be catching on 😔

He’s been making me eat dinner and watching me?

I LOVE HAVING AN EATING DISORDER !1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!

I feel like if you guys liked my curry recipe, you're gonna like this one as well. I like to call it "ed approved curry noodles"

✨Ingredients✨

👉 200g of konjac noodles (I used fettuccine shaped ones) - 12kcal

👉 1tsp of curry powder - 16kcal

👉 1tsp of garam masala - 9kcal

👉 salt and pepper to taste

👉 30g of white onion - 10kcal

👉 30ml of 3.2% milk - 18kcal

👉 water

~total: 65 calories!!!

✨Instructions✨

Drain your noodles and set them aside. Then, cut up your onion and fry it for about 2 minutes on a dry pan before adding milk and water (Idk how much water I used, maybe about 70-100ml). Stir everything and then add the seasonings before dumping in the noodles. Leave it to cook until most of the water-milk mixture evaporates, making it a thick sauce.

Dump the meal into a bowl and you're done!

(Remember that I do NOT promote ana or any other eating disorders, you deserve to eat, you need to eat to survive, I don't encourage you to get yourself into an ED if you don't have one (don't do it. It's not just a diet, it's dangerous), I'm just sharing some of my low calorie recipes/meal ideas to help you and perhaps encourage you to recover because you do deserve to recover, you deserve to be happy and eat without feeling guilty ❤️)

stayed under 1000 cals for the first time in FOREVER everybody cheered🎉🙌

thinspø🤞❤️

my friend just mentioned something about a freshman 15 and ig it’s a thing when college freshman gain 15 pounds during their first year and i’m terrified 😭

I am Frances, she is me.

holy shit I think I actually hate eating at this point, it tastes alright but then just feels disgusting. I wish I lived on my own so I could just starve and starve.

I hate when my mother wants to "experiment" with food

FUCK THIS BINGING PERIOD I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO THROW UP

IM SO HAPPY I ATE ONLY AROUND 500 CALS TODAY !!!

(i would have eaten less but it is so hard to get around eating when in recovery 😭

Im currently at 42-43 kg (it alternates because yk im in recovery so its acc so hard to starve or purge now)

AND I WAS AT 39 KG !!! LIKE TWO AWAY FROM MY UGW BUT HAUFDAUHWHFEF FUCKING THERAPY SNITCHED ON ME >:[

˚₊‧♡ receitas de smoothie ‎♡‧₊˚

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie de morango ♡‧₊˚

♡ 1 xícara de morangos congelados

♡1/2 banana congelada

♡1/2 xícara de leite semi desnatado

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie de frutas vermelhas ♡‧₊˚

♡ 1 xícara de frutas vermelhas congeladas

♡ 1/2 banana congelada

♡ 1/2 xícara de leite

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie de manga ♡‧₊˚

♡ 100g ou meia manga média em cubos congelada

♡ 1/2 banana congelada

♡ 1/2 xícara de leite;

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie de pitaya ♡‧₊˚

♡ 1/2 pitaya vermelha congelada

♡ 1/2 banana congelada

♡ 1/2 xícara de leite

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie de pêssego ♡‧₊˚

♡ 1 pêssego congelado em cubos

♡ 1/2 banana congelada

♡ 1/2 xícara de leite

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie proteico de chocolate ♡‧₊˚

♡ 1 banana congelada

♡ 1 scoop de whey de chocolate

♡ 1/2 xícara de leite

♡ Opcional: 1 colher de sopa de pasta de amendoim

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie de chocolate ♡‧₊˚

♡ 1 banana congelada

♡ 2 colheres de cacau em pó/achocolatado

♡ 1/2 xícara de leite

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie chocolate supreme ♡‧₊˚

♡ 1/2 banana congelada

♡ 1 caixinha de YoPro 25g

♡ 1/2 xícara de leite

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie verde ♡‧₊˚

♡ 1 maçã verde congelada em cubos (pode ser da vermelha também);

♡ 2 folhas de couve

♡ 7 folhas de espinafre

♡ 1 limão espremido

♡ 1 colher de chá de chia

˚₊‧♡ Smoothie de morango sem banana ♡‧₊˚

♡ 1 potinho de iogurte Vigor Grego 0% gordura

♡ 1 xícara de morango congelado (ou qualquer outra fruta)

♡ 1/2 xícara de leite

Let it all out.

MY HERO ACADEMIA - Kirishima x GN!Reader

Summary: After being rescued by the heroes during the Hassakai raid, the reader still felt uneasy and felt this tight grip on them. Everyone tried helping them but it didn’t seem to work until a boy changed that.

★☽A/N: I feel like people are struggling a lot so I thought “Why not make a one shot with Kirishima for anyone who’s comfort character is him!!” So I did. Just know that you are never alone and that you should seek help, let it all out to a friend or write it all out, just know that you’re never alone, there will always be that someone! :DD 

Contents: A bit of angst - Trauma - Fluff - ED (Eating Disorder) - SH (Self harm)

Disclaimer: Quirk allows the reader to enhance their abilities, like strength, speed, agility, to an unhuman extent.

★────★────★

!. You were a subject to Overhaul by the time you got your quirk (4yrs), you were experimented on and he would take your blood cells just to create a powerful drug to enhance one’s abilities, like strength, speed, and agility to an unhuman extent. But you were the one getting sacrificed and you hate it, you just want to get out of there.

!. Overhaul started to spread the drug with your blood cells around the country by the time you were 10. But a few months later, a new roommate comes, Eri.

!. You were disgusted by how Overhaul treats her, he may fancy her with toys her age would love, but it doesn’t change the fact that he used her quirk, “Rewind” to create a drug.

!. You loved the girl as a sister, she saw you as a sibling that would always help her at her time of need and of course, that’s true because you try and try to stop him from hurting her more but he would never listen! You saw Eri die over, over, and over again and he would just bring her back to life, that must’ve been traumatizing for a child.

★──★

★. There was a group of heroes planning for a rescue that's going to happen in the Hassaikai Headquarters. They have discovered that the bullet that had hit Tamaki was a quirk removing drug that they have called, "Quirk Killer bullet." With the help of Kirishima, they have managed to have the bullet that still had its contents inside, with the right people, they have discovered that it had human blood cells inside.

That made them feel disgusted.

★. Just when they thought it was just one girl.. Oh.. They were unfortunately wrong.

★. With the help of the police, they have also managed to get the enhancing drug from the thug that has attacked Kirishima. With a bunch of time spent, they have discovered that it also had human blood cells.

How sick can Overhaul be?!

★. Midoriya was more than determined to save not only the girl, but the other child as well.

★──★

★. A long time skip goes by and now you and Eri are safe.

★. Mr. Aizawa has been visiting to check on you and to ask questions about Overhaul. He was shocked that you have been there since you were four. He was glad that you knew how to use your quirk but to some extent.

★. A boy named Kirishima has been visiting every single day, always asking you how you been and always love talking about his day which was somehow nice and comforting to you.

★. Midoriya paid a little visit to you, saying that since you both were closer to age, you both could get along. You hesitated but learned to be comfortable around him as his visits turned into weeks.

★. From what Midoriya gathered, both you and Eri were unable to smile. It was as if Overhaul still had his tight and powerful grip on the both of you. He was even more determined to save the both of you again.

★──★

The boy and his classmates planned a concert and it was spectacular!! They were lights and many, many real effects that awed everyone, and Eri finally smiled!! She was freed from that grip, but not you.

It was after the concert, Eri was giddy with joy as she told all of her wonderful experiences during the concert, it brought Midoriya tears when he saw her smile.

“How about you, Y/N?” Midoriya asked the kid beside Mirio, but they didn’t answer, they just kept on their straight face with their face down. ‘He’s still not saved..’ Midoriya was sad, they were still not smiling at all. “It was.. Very colorful..” They commented in a soft, hesitant tone.

The boy was about to say something but Mineta had called out and called him lazy for just standing around. The boy apologized and excused himself and got back to doing his work along with his classmates

"C'mon! Let's leave them with their work, alright?" Mirio called out and Eri and Y/N walked with him out of the gym and back to the main building. Y/N was deep in thought as they walked through U.A. "Hey,Y/N, are you okay?" Mirio asked with a worried tone, Y/N flinched by their name getting called, "Huh? Oh.. Yeah- I– I'm fine." Y/N stuttered which made Mirio worry more.

The thing is, Y/N wasn't fine. They were inflicted by Overhaul's actions and was thinking about the horrid man everyday. It was as if they still felt attached to him because he was the closest and only thing the 14 year old had for a father, a terrible father. They felt like they had betrayed their father figure.

They don’t even have any memories of their parents, only fragments of them and they weren’t nice fragments. Their parents were always neglectful until they just abandoned the child to a cruel man, it was because of them that they had to suffer experiments over, and over, and over again.

★────────

[READER’S POV]

I hate this.. I want this to stop..

It was the same nightmare over and over again. Getting disassembled and experimented by Overhaul was too much for my brain, I just want it to stop!! It hurts so much.

I try so hard to keep it in so many times but when I’m alone, I just break out in sobs and hiccups. I don’t want anyone to worry about me, I’m just fine and I don’t need anyone to help me, I’m used to being alone with no help and this is no different.

I woke up with sweaty palms, I had trouble breathing normally so I tried my best to slow down my rapid breathing. I eventually calmed down and grabbed a drink from my minifridge and drank all of it up at once, I was still panting after that nightmare, shit.

I just stood up and sat onto my gaming chair in my dorm room and played for hours. It was 3.05 AM but who cares? I can’t go back to that horrible dream so, I may as well just play video games until I sleep in a pool of darkness. The screen shined brightly when I turned it on, I opened [GAME NAME] and started playing. By the time it was broad daylight, it was already 7AM. It was a Sunday and there was no practice and training for my quirk for me today so I just focused on the game as the time went by.

There was a lot of commotion that was heard, they were being so loud. A sudden knock was sounded on my door, I turned to look but didn;t respond. “It’s already lunch time right now, so I wanted to bring you your lunch. You like [F/F], right?” Midoriya spoked with his usual positive voice. I could tell he’s gone as the footsteps faded away. I got off my chair and slowly walked towards my door and opened it, seeing my plate of food, I just closed back my door.

I didn’t eat it, I just let it out and it became cold and disgusting. I was too used to eating from one time a day to nothing, I could easily go an entire day with no food, I would feel sick whenever I eat more than once.

★──★

By the time Deku went back to grab Y/N’s plate, it was still there and was now cold. Deku felt worried as he stared at Y/N’s door. He went down stairs to put back the plate and to put the lunch into a takeout plastic as leftovers. “Hey, Midoriya! You okay, man?” Kirishima asked as he walked up to Midoriya. “Not really, Y/N haven’t eaten anything.” Deku said, Kirishima looked at the lunch that was now cold and felt worried as well for the H/C friend. “Do you think they have an eating disorder? I only saw them eat once.. Or never even!!” Kirishima was now kinda panicking a bit for the person.

The boy started having a crush on the H/C kid since he was always visiting and hanging out with Y/N after the raid. Even if Kirishima didn’t know whether the individual even likes guys/girls, or anyone!

“I’m going to go check on him.” Kirishima said to Midoriya who nodded in response. The boy went up in the elevator and walked to Y/N’s door, he knocked. “Hey, Y/N? You haven’t eaten anything, are you alright?” Kirishima asked with his caring voice, Y/N didn’t respond, “Y/N?” He called out again but to no response. “Hey, look, if you ever need to- express your feelings, you can come to my room, alright? It’s just a floor up. I want to try to help you but if you don’t need that then it’s completely fine! I’m just offering some support.” Kirishima said before walking away. Just as he opened the elevator, a hand grabbed his arm, he turned around to see Y/N in a mess, they had a maroon colored hoodie with black shorts underneath, their hair was a complete mess and you could see their eyes were red from crying.

★──★

“So, what’s up?” Kirishima asked.

The two were in his room and on his bed. Y/N was seated at the end of it, while Kirishima was at the front. Y/N just kept quiet, worried if Kirishima wasn’t gonna take what they had to say. “Look, take your time.” Kirishima assured, which made Y/N more comfortable with the situation.

After a few minutes, they started to talk.

“I feel like throwing up every time I eat more than once or even anything. I stopped eating, I excessively worked out, I took laxatives, and I started to throw up food that I have eaten. Hell.. I even started to throw up after every meal. I stopped eating with you guys since you guys would be worried if I didn’t eat my food. I just lock myself in my room and play video games endlessly. I think the only things I consumed were water, protein shakes, and plain brewed coffee. My ribs have become more visible, I look like a skeleton. I don’t want to eat, I’m too used to never eating. I feel like I would be punished for eating, my stomach won’t agree with me and I feel like my mind has been going insane. I've been having these nightmares back when I was with Overhaul and I feel like I betrayed him, he was like– My father figure, despite his poor treatment towards me.” Y/N finished venting, it felt better after they let it out, like a small weight had been lifted from their shoulders.

Y/N felt total awkwardness when Kirishima wasn’t saying anything. Did they say too much? Just before Y/N was gonna apologize, a huge hug embraced them. Kirishima was hugging them tightly, like they were gonna vanish. “I’m so sorry that you feel like this!!” Kirishima said but Y/N didn’t hear that, they just felt the ringing in his ears.

A panic attack?

“I’m- I’m sorry but- Can you stop hugging me?” Y/N managed to stutter out, “Ah! Omg, I’m so sorry, I didn’t ask.” Kirishima apologized again before letting go, then he realized Y/N’s heavy breathing. He was gonna say something to help them but decided to take a different route. “Hey, hey, look at me, Y/N.” Kirishima said, which Y/N obliged. 

“Breathe slowly, or you won't calm down” Kirishima said but Y/N was still panicking a lot. “Is it alright if I can hold your hands?” Kirishima asked softly, extending his hands out for Y/N to grab and they grabbed hard while looking at Kirishima with panicked eyes.

“Repeat after me, N/N.” Kirishima told Y/N as he demonstrated calm breathing. Breathe in, breathe out, they repeated Kirishima’s breathing until they managed to calm their breathing and no longer stressed and panicked.

“How do you feel?” Kirishima asked, trying to let go but Y/N held his hands tighter. “Be-Better.” They responded, slowly caressing Kirishima’s hands as a way to soothe themself.

The silence was actually comforting. They just sat in silence with Y/N holding Kirishima’s hands, stroking them gently which soothed them.

“Erm- I’m sorry.” Y/N’s apology stopped the silence, “Hm?” “I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you.” They apologized, “Oh! No, no, no! You shouldn’t apologize, you just needed someone to tell these things to.” He said.

Y/N choked a sob, tearing up. Y/N let go of his hands and hugged him.

“Thank you, Ejirou.”

★────★────★

SORRY FOR THE VERY PERSONAL COMIC!!

This is my half of “Unhealthy”, an essay comic double header with the lovely and talented Sarah Winifred Searle. She and I both wrote about our personal experiences as overweight ladies with eating disorders, and her story is breathtaking! You can buy a physical copy of the book here: https://topatoco.com/collections/abby-howard/products/ah-unhealthy

Or buy a digital PDF here: https://abbyhoward.itch.io/unhealthy

17. Sacrifice

Kidd - 18 | Killer - 22 | Heat - 23

Tags specifically for this chapter:

Food Issues coming up again

yeah, all these assholes had some kind of eating disorder at one point

vague references to starvation, overeating, and eating rotten food

Killer struggles to throw rotten food out

Kidd does too but actually manages to go through with it

Read at A03 linked above or here below cut

Drabbles from Pocket Jack's KiKi-tober Prompt list

Kidd had slept though breakfast - which was not unusual for him - and had wandered down to the galley to pilfer a snack as Pomp & UK cleaned up after the meal. And if Killer was not to busy prepping for lunch, to get the man to make him something personally.

And he planned it perfectly it seemed, because Killer was indeed standing causally at the kitchen counter. He had his notebook out; Killer had his own means of how his thought a kitchen should be run, but so far there's been no real complaints and everyone been well fed. Killer's seasoning work was hit or miss, seeing as he wanted to try every mix or herb or spice with very little experience to back it up.

But it had flavour, and the flavour wasn't penicillin.

At the moment, Killer was repeatedly tapping the pen against the counter in his right, studying something in his left.

"What's up?"

"Its gone bad..."

Kidd paused, looking at his first mate in confusion. He thought Killer was doing meal planning, or inventory or something. That 'gone bad' was a problem, but Killer's voice was distant and almost a little lost.

"How bad?"

Killer's head turned slightly, and he lifted his hand up enough for Kidd to see he was holding a jar of something. He was unreadable behind the mask for most, but Kidd could tell it was worse then the normal stoicism he like to pretend he had once it was on... This was a different quiet - like he was stuck.

Kidd came over to peer into the jar, Killer tilted it to him to see. It was a jar of fruit preserves, still about a third full. The jam itself looked fine, but the sides had begun to grow over with soft wispy mold.

"Do we have more?"

"Different fruit, but yeah."

"The other one still good?"

"Still sealed, so it should be fine."

Kidd made an executive decision then, and took the jar and table knife from Killer.

Killer handed both other with no hesitation.

Kidd left the galley.

Every part of him was trying to get him to turn back around - they could spoon out the bottom still, that was at least four more sandwiches at the bottom. Six if they were for some of the smaller members of the crew. And they had a big crew right now - nearly thirty strong and almost all of them having run with at least one of the four commanders back on the island.

Thirty mouths, at least three times a day. Figuring in the night squad, Killer was feeding a platoon of people four times a day, a meal of some kind on the table every 6 hours. UK had been stepping up and assisting him so the man didn't burn out, familiar enough with Killer to navigate his idiosyncrasies without stepping on any toes. And House, Mosh, Pomp, and Disc J had stepped up from the other gangs to form the Punks' mess hall squad. But it was still thirty people.

It didn't matter how well stocked they were, there was always that fear that the next time they turned around, the pantry would be empty. They'd all grown up with it, all of them living through days of not being sure where the next meal was coming from. Years of getting their hands on just enough food to make it to the next day but never enough to stop feeling hungry.

Kidd contemplated the jar again once he stepped out on deck, an uncertain shadow named Killer trailing behind him. They'd all made themselves to sick in those early days, dropping obscene amounts of money at taverns in those first few ports. They had no idea what shit was worth once off the island, nor had they cared, eating themselves well past the point of sick. It had taken them all the way to Reverse Mountain to finally start to get a handle on things and Heat had worked with Killer, the two making remarkable progress getting everyone on responsible eating habitats.

Still didn't mean there wasn't severe hang ups lurking under the surface.

Heat had been making his way the crow's nest for his shift, and paused to watch the two of them. Watched the jittery way Killer followed. Watched the jar in Captain's hand.

Kidd stood at the railing, touching the 'good' jam at the bottom with the table knife. Six people! his head was screaming, and he was surprised how hard to was to finally stir it up, loosening the jam and mold both, mixing them. Inseparable. Before he could think about it, he upended the glass, shaking it until the jam fell loose and into the sea.

He could feel Killer tensing up even without looking at him. He did met Heat's gaze though, the man doing his best to look nonchalant to hid his interest.

He continued to hold Heat's gaze as he handed the empty jar back to Killer. "We don't do that no more. As long as I'm Captain, we will never go back to that."

He looked at Killer then, "If in doubt, throw it out. You don't serve rotten food to my crew," His voice softened, "and you don't eat anything that's gone off ever again. You hear me?"

"Aye Captain." Killer murmured, taking the jar, shoulder's slumping as he lost tension; The responsibility of the choice taken from him.