Im Gonna Stop With The C@lør!3s.. I Started Tracking Them Again But It’s Just Stressing Me So Much

I LITERALLY need to 3@t MORE than those FKING 800 if I don’t want to gain EVERYTHING back AAAAAAAAAAH

I don’t find the time tho.. aaaaand I’m not really hůngry either like- what am I supposed to do?

My friend told me tonight that she could see my back and arms muscles!! I’m so happy like- That means that I’m not l00s!ng muscles mass (I might be in denial for this one haha) and it really helps me f!tt!ng my bødy dysmørph!@ right now Love her<3

DAY 10 (youhouhou!)

✨Denial is a river in Egypt ✨💅 HAHAHAHA. But honestly, to this day I’m still not entirely convinced that I have 3d even if, rationally speaking, something is definitely wrong lmao It’s easier to tell yourself that you’re simply in control… FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT 💃💃 MOUAHAHAH (Don’t do this please)

TW: fck3d up 3d thoughs

Every single month, when the cramps hit, I dream about the early menopause I can create with 4n4 and I whisper “maybe next month I’ll be s!ck enough”

This is not very “mentally stable” of me

ON TODAYS FØØD EPISODE ✨

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano Lunch~ 1 cheese bread + 2 roasted sausages Snack~ smoothies bowl + 1 ice Americano Dinner~ high protein bowl with rice + 1 slice of cheese + 2 slice of bread + chicken broth + løwc@l lychee candy

Total:~ 1900

I ate a bit more today so I don’t really feel comfortable but I have to be honest with myself, I felt so weak today, couldn’t concentrate on anything and it’s probably because I don’t count my c@lør!3s in an accurate way so I end up more exhausted than I should be for the amount I’m over calculating everyday.. I shouldn’t complain about it because that means that it’s working and anyway, I did it myself to myself but I can’t talk to anyone about that, I don’t have anyone to talk to cause it’s not their f¥ck!ng business yk and I can handle it on my own. I just feel a teeny tiny bit down and it feels like here people understand at least because we are all in, comforting each other, which feel sad at the same time, thank you <33

You are all enough and beautiful!!

body dysmorphia core

I think my p3r!ød are coming, I feel stuff and my tummy is blo@ted and b!gger even tho the other part of my bødy aren’t

But I feel so miserable, this moment is really hard because, even though I know that it’s just the time of the month and it’s okay, it feels like I’m losing my progress and it’s very scary

ON TODAY FØØD EPISODE 🐊

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano + 1 egg Lunch~ spicy cheesy sausage + 1 apple Snack~ 1 ice Americano Dinner~ homemade protein sandwiches (it looked prettier in my head lmao) + Greek yogurt and fruit (1/2 apple and some red grapes)

Total:~ 1200

I feel better than yesterday, I was able to r3str!ct myself a little bit more but finding the right balance with protein 🌼

I’ll w3!ght myself tomorrow and I’m scared (even if I løst 1 cm around my W.. anyway)

ON TODAY FØØD EPISODE 🏹

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano Lunch~ 1 spicy cheesy sausage + 1 apple + 1 corn ice cream + 1 ice Americano Snack~ 1 ice Americano Dinner~ 1 meat bread with kimchi + tofu and 1 egg with spicy sauce + grapes

Total:~800