AW HELL NAW

I can blow you up with my death ray but only if you beg me

Why is April fools shaping up to be particularly nonchalant this year??? I was ready for chaos and now I get nothing???

HAPPY IDES OF MARCH EVERYBODY

Fun Fact

Did you know that if you jump and then crouch twice while peeing, you unlock the secret Get Piss Fucking Everywhere DLC?

eating a salad (anxiously)

OUR EARTH HAS MADE YET ANOTHER SLUTTY SLUTTY POLE DANCE AROUND THE SUN

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S, CHUCKLEFUCKS!!!! THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE A GOOD ONE!!!!!

THERE'S!!! NO!!! OTHER!!! OPTION!!!

Fuck the Homecoming Court. I propose a new idea: the Homecoming Coup.

Voting for the Homecoming King/Queen/Sovereign or whatever works as normal. However, at any point between when the results are announced and when Homecoming begins, anyone can declare war on the monarch. Both sides are then allowed to form alliances, creating the Rebels and the Royal Guard, respectively. They may strategize as they wish during this grace period.

When Homecoming begins, the Rebel Leader and the Monarch step inside a circle in the center of the gym. They both receive melee weapons and the objective to beat the other out of the circle. The Rebels and the Royal Guard fight outside of the duel-circle, but are not allowed to attack the Rebel Leader or the Monarch until the opposing team has been defeated.

The last one standing in the circle wins. Members of the winning team are promoted to the Court, and the team leader becomes the Monarch.

A few key points:

Murder is allowed.

Betrayal is encouraged.

You can forfeit but I think you're boring.

The principal must sit on the balcony and preside over the duel like a Roman Emperor.

This will drastically alter the high school hierarchy and provide boundless entertainment during exam season.

For once, Homecoming will not be ruled by the popular, but by the formidable and sanguinary. Just as the gods intended.

Artist's rendition:

I just played a game of cat and mouse with my brother except I was the cat and also the mouse.

He thought we were playing keep-away with a mysterious cube but little did he know he was tricked. Fucking hoodwinked. Absolutely bamboozled.

While the fool scrambled to keep it away from me, I cleverly slunk away to my room to eat cheese in peace like a wretched little rodent.

Poor boy didn't even realize.

getting baptized in the mcdonald's ball pit

I have arrived on the clown site. First order of business: indulge in shenanigans.

ok then fuck u too ig