Happy Thoughts 2017

be·nev·o·lent

well meaning and kindly.

halsey // drive

artist workspace

message for him--

hey, you’re never gonna see this but i just have to write this down or else it’s gonna kill me on the inside. so me and you have history, i loved you and you loved me at least that’s what we’d say. but i broke it off well because i just couldn’t handle the “school stress” and having the thought i could only see you once a week, i just couldn’t. so at that time of course i thought it was a good idea to end it with you and so you could move on and maybe actually get a girl that is there with you and you can actually see in person. then i texted you because im a coward and said some lame excuse and not actually tell you whats wrong which would’ve been a better idea but i didn’t i just broke it off. then i immediately “liked” someone which wasn’t worth it, then i guess i “moved on”. well that’s what i thought, i was wrong. all the the people i had “feelings” for were distractions. what i mean is that me having those “feelings” for them was a distraction to how i really feel. i feel like im going crazy, because every second im not busy thinking about whatever, im thinking about what you’re doing or what we could’ve been doing at that moment. so all those people i thought i had feelings for were a distraction of how im actually missing you. but yet again im dumb because you’ve moved on and you probably hate how im crawling back to you right now when you’ve moved on so im sorry that my actual feelings and thoughts just hit me now because most of the time i have no idea what im doing. yet again you’re never gonna see this.

i fell

im falling because you pushed me, and im mad because you’re so damn adorable. you had to tell me im beautiful and tell me that you want me. you made me fall for you. but are you gonna catch me?

the answer to that is yes. you’re going to be there whenever i need someone, you’re gonna be there at my darkest times, i know that because over the past few weeks of us getting to know each other you’ve shown me that you are gonna catch me..

~c.e

warmth

it’s now 3:30 am and i cannot stop thinking. i’ve been thinking about you, me, and us. i’ve thought about the bad times. arguments, our break, and scaring moments where i felt like i was losing you for good. but i’ve also started to think about the good times that knock out the bad. like cuddling in your warmth as the sun goes down, feeling how soft your lips are as they touch mine, and simply hearing your sweet voice. here alone in my bed desperately craving all of it. all of you. wishing right now to have your arms and warmth surrounding me. all i want is you. nothing else but you.

problem

I just add on to all your other problems. I make you down constantly. your life would be so much easier if I wasn't apart of it. you don’t deserve this, you deserve someone better. someone who doesn't add on to your problems. someone who makes you happier not down. you deserve someone who isn't me.

I’m sorry I'm like this but I can't help it. I constantly think of why. why me? why does he love me? and I can never understand why. I'm not good for you. you shouldn't have to deal with this constant pain and burden of having to deal with me. I'm sorry.

"of all weapons in the world, i now know love to be the most dangerous. for i have suffered a mortal wound. when did i fall so deeply under your spell, ms. bennet? i cannot fix the hour or the spot or the look or the words which lay the foundation. i was in the middle before i knew i began. but a proud fool i was. i have faced the harsh truth." - mr. darcy

Kendrick Lamar, SZA - All The Stars