Be·nev·o·lent

message for him--

hey, you’re never gonna see this but i just have to write this down or else it’s gonna kill me on the inside. so me and you have history, i loved you and you loved me at least that’s what we’d say. but i broke it off well because i just couldn’t handle the “school stress” and having the thought i could only see you once a week, i just couldn’t. so at that time of course i thought it was a good idea to end it with you and so you could move on and maybe actually get a girl that is there with you and you can actually see in person. then i texted you because im a coward and said some lame excuse and not actually tell you whats wrong which would’ve been a better idea but i didn’t i just broke it off. then i immediately “liked” someone which wasn’t worth it, then i guess i “moved on”. well that’s what i thought, i was wrong. all the the people i had “feelings” for were distractions. what i mean is that me having those “feelings” for them was a distraction to how i really feel. i feel like im going crazy, because every second im not busy thinking about whatever, im thinking about what you’re doing or what we could’ve been doing at that moment. so all those people i thought i had feelings for were a distraction of how im actually missing you. but yet again im dumb because you’ve moved on and you probably hate how im crawling back to you right now when you’ve moved on so im sorry that my actual feelings and thoughts just hit me now because most of the time i have no idea what im doing. yet again you’re never gonna see this.

Sometimes… I tell myself I’m okay. 

          I repeat it, like a mantra.

                                          I'm   okay, 

                                             I'm   o kay, 

                                                I'm   o k ay, 

                                                   I'm   o k a y.

                                     Because, I’m afraid if I stop,                                              even for a moment,                                         I will  DROWN  in all the                                            reasons I am… NOT  

halsey // drive

You know what you deserve? You deserve so much better. So many things have happened to you whether its a bad break up, family issues, friends, whatever it is.. you pulled through. You have made it this far and I’m proud of you. You truly deserve the world and since no one can give you that now, find someone that will, apologize, forgive but don’t forget, find new friends. Ones that make plans with you and free their time to give you attention. You deserve all good things and don’t for a second think you’re not worth it because you remind me of the sun, you hide away but always come back even more beautiful than before.

(via lifewritten)

years

why am i thinking about you? why are you in my head after all these years? i’ve let it go, the memories, everything. so why is it that any little thing is making me think about you?

people come and ask me “have you had your first love” then first thing that comes in mind is you. yeah you probably weren’t my first love but then i think, what if we never ended things? what if i never ended things?

but we’ll never know because you obviously don’t think about me and wonder about these things. plus you’ve moved on.

Source: @eleanorbandey