Carenjadee - Untitled

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- robin williams in 'dead poets society'

scared.

im scared to catch these feelings, these cravings for someone always end the same. they rather end in pain or regret.

but the way you act, the way you talk, the way we talk, its different. its something ive never had. 

but i end up overthinking everything. i end up asking myself “is it worth it?” “should i fall for someone who i just met and probably doesn’t feel the same.” 

then i look at you and…

emotional night

i begin to think about how lonely nights have felt. im beginning to drown in my own thoughts on how physically im not lonely, i have family and friends who i know love me. but im emotionally lonely, i feel as if im gonna feel this loneliness till the end. it’s frightening because i know is one of the possible outcomes of my life.

Sometimes… I tell myself I’m okay. 

          I repeat it, like a mantra.

                                          I'm   okay, 

                                             I'm   o kay, 

                                                I'm   o k ay, 

                                                   I'm   o k a y.

                                     Because, I’m afraid if I stop,                                              even for a moment,                                         I will  DROWN  in all the                                            reasons I am… NOT  

agreed

puzzle

in the beginning

you were a a puzzle.

unable to figure you out

like a mystery nobody has solved

you were quiet, but then

we’d talk at night until later we’d realized the sun has come up.

you’d made me think about

the charming efforts to get my attention & im here thinking why? why me?

i was surprised, the man who was a puzzle

was finally figured out, but by me.

as we were getting older, you made me think about the clear road ahead of us.

the future i was ready for because you were there with me

now here at the end

and im here by your bedside

reminiscing of our young & reckless selves, as you fall asleep for the last time saying

“you finished your puzzle.”

~c.e