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emotional night

i begin to think about how lonely nights have felt. im beginning to drown in my own thoughts on how physically im not lonely, i have family and friends who i know love me. but im emotionally lonely, i feel as if im gonna feel this loneliness till the end. it’s frightening because i know is one of the possible outcomes of my life.

holding hands · 手牵手

someone requested i post these without the lyrics so here u go

thought

i find myself thinking about you. i’ve thought about what you could be doing, what you’re thinking, or about you being here. and i can’t stop. i find myself thinking about you again and there’s nothing i can do rather than to bury my love for you.

problem

I just add on to all your other problems. I make you down constantly. your life would be so much easier if I wasn't apart of it. you don’t deserve this, you deserve someone better. someone who doesn't add on to your problems. someone who makes you happier not down. you deserve someone who isn't me.

I’m sorry I'm like this but I can't help it. I constantly think of why. why me? why does he love me? and I can never understand why. I'm not good for you. you shouldn't have to deal with this constant pain and burden of having to deal with me. I'm sorry.

years

why am i thinking about you? why are you in my head after all these years? i’ve let it go, the memories, everything. so why is it that any little thing is making me think about you?

people come and ask me “have you had your first love” then first thing that comes in mind is you. yeah you probably weren’t my first love but then i think, what if we never ended things? what if i never ended things?

but we’ll never know because you obviously don’t think about me and wonder about these things. plus you’ve moved on.

mel·an·chol·yˈ

melənˌkälē/

noun

1.a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause."an air of melancholy surrounded him"

stop reconnecting with toxic people from your past because you’re lonely. focus on getting better and attracting better.