Me Holding A Gun To A Mushroom: Tell Me The Name Of God You Fungal Piece Of Shit

Kaeya: you know what would be sexy?

Kaeya: eating food off each other

Albedo: you did not do the dishes

Kaeya: i did not

Fatui gift exchange

Scaramouche: okay so if anyone draws their own name, we’ll all draw again

Dottore: cool

Signora: okay

Childe: what if we draw someone else’s name?

Dottore: that’s fine right? yeah

Scaramouche: that’s good, that’s what we want

Signora: what if we pick someone that we don’t like?

Childe: it’s just the four of us. do you dislike one of the four of us?

Signora: no no no. *nods her head and points to childe*

Childe: …what if we pick someone who we don’t know?

Signora: yeah what if we get a slip and it’s like Albedo Krendinprinz from Mondstat?

Scaramouche: that will not happen

Dottore: how can you be sure though?

Signora: i like Albedo well enough i just would have no idea what to get him for a gift

Scaramouche: okay so there’s only four names and it’s our four names so everyone just pick one and-

Signora: i’m worried that if i get Albedo the wrong thing, he’ll think that i’m a loser

Childe: aw really? you’re worried about that?

Signora: i’m serious i’m nervous about it

Childe: i’m sure you’ll get him the perfect thing

Signora: thanks that means a lot

Childe: i wouldn’t say it if i didn’t mean it

Scaramouche: does everyone have a slip? did anyone pick themself?

Signora: i got Childe

Scaramouche: no don’t-

Childe: i got Dottore

Dottore: guys! it’s suppose to be secret

Scaramouche: thank you!

Dottore: you’re not suppose to look at the name

Childe: ohhh

Scaramouche: well you’re allowed to- you can read your own slip

Dottore: oh. okay i got Scaramouche

Scaramouche: dude

Signora: i wish i would’ve gotten Scaramouche

Childe: what the hell?!

Signora: i don’t know if this is coming together

Dottore: i’m probably just going to get a gift for Albedo Krendinprinz from Mondstat to be safe

Childe: since my slip says Dottore does that mean he’s the one who helps me figure out what to get Albedo Krendinprinz from Mondstat?

no one:

Sole Survivor:

YOUR THOUGHTS?

*On Twitter*

Fischl: “triggers can be anything” until the trigger is like literallly anything

Heizou: whew this blew up follow me for more bangers 🔥

Fischl: WHO R U??

Adrien: Nino, can you do me a favor?

Nino: I’d kill for you but go on.

Daniel: I love one brother and his name is Sean Diaz <3

Sean: How did you say that emoji out loud

Sean: Just get out of my room

Itto, playing basketball: this ones for you, traveler

Traveler: oh no you really don’t have to-

Itto: *shoots and misses*

BAXTER DLC SPOILERS

Baxter just straight up lying throughout his dlc for absolutely no reason is so fucking funny to me. It wasn’t even Shiloh type lying, he just decided to make up fun facts for fun. he’s so me coded

Kaeya: if i was dating you, heh let’s just say broccoli wouldn’t be called broccoli anymore

Albedo: what does this mean

Albedo: kaeya i’m shaking what the fuck does this mean

C-Sec Officer: You’re under arrest.

Grunt: Wait till my father hears about this.