I Love You Autistics Who Can't Control Their Volume . I Love You Autistics Who Struggled With/never Understood

collection of useful things tumblr has taught me:

even if you can't fall asleep, laying down with your eyes closed will still rest your body

you don't have to brush your teeth standing up

you don't have to do any chore standing up, from dishes to showering

you don't have to shower with the lights on

if you can't brush your teeth, flossing and a tongue scraper gets rid of plaque and bad breath

if you can't do that, mouthwash kills a lot of bacteria

eating "unhealthy" food is better than eating no food

you can make the same meal everyday for however long you still want it

some pills come in syrups or chewables if you can't swallow them

kids nutritional shakes can be a quick way to get fuel if you can't eat/don't have time

if walking hurts/exhausts you on a regular basis, canes and rollers are for you, no matter how young you are

we have free will—if doing something "out of the ordinary" makes life easier for you, do it

yall are pro mental illness until they hallucinate

yall are pro mental illness until they dissociate

yall are pro mental illness until they self-isolate

yall are pro mental illness until they're paranoid

yall are pro mental illness until they split

yall are pro mental illness until it's too Scary for your comparatively neurotypical brain to handle

Trauma is the response, not the event.

And when we talk about how DID is formed from severe childhood trauma, what is not meant is that what happened to you needs to have been objectively "severe". If you have severe trauma responses (such as DID), then you have severe trauma.

Your trauma is enough regardless of what happened to you.

Trauma is incredibly subjective; what was incredibly traumatizing for one person may not be for another. How we become traumatized is related to a complex web of factors. No case of traumatization will look the exact same.

Trauma is not a competition. What matters is that it affects you. It's enough.

sick of people watering down mental illnesses online.

people who are severely mentally unwell are likely to do things that are unhealthy, irrational and sometimes just completely fucked up. that is the reality of severe mental illness, especially if left untreated.

we may do things that are harmful or damaging to others, this doesn’t make us dangerous or evil, this makes us ill. if you cannot handle the fact that fucked up people might do fucked up things as a result of their severely shattered mental state, then do not surround yourself with people who are mentally ill. don’t make your inability to accept the severity of my mental state into my fucking problem.

Shout out to the ten year old who just got diagnosed. Shout out to the housebound fourteen year old. Shout out to the eighteen year old who can’t go to the university they wanted. Shout out to the twenty two year old who can’t get a job. Shout out to the twenty six year old with a caretaker. Shout out to the thirty year old who can’t buy their own house.

Shout out to young disabled people. We exist.

Thinking about the dichotomy of "I feel uncomfortable/triggered in the presence of x/y/z environments I would like to be someplace without that" that I constantly see online and when I tell my therapist I really get uncomfortable when people raise their voices around me even if they aren't actually mad and her response of "you can only control your own reactions and emotions, it's not really fair to police others on how they should exist in your presence" and honestly it sucks to hear but she's right.. it's good to have people be conscientious of what triggers you but really it's up to us to do the hard work of building that emotional resilience. The idea of people around me having to be hypervigilant of what they say and do lest I start getting dysregulated does not sound fun at all, I want people to feel comfortable being themselves around me and that means training my dumb lizard brain to chill tf out. Living in a constant state of avoidance sucks ass for everyone involved.

Autistic people’s relationship with sex is treated so horribly in so many different ways it’s genuinely fucking frustrating. Whenever a character is depicted with autistic traits a thousand weirdos manifest into existence to say that their cute little autism blorbo “doesn’t know what sex is and must be protected” but over in real kink circles with high populations of autistic people (furry porn and shit) they suddenly become the crazy degenerate perverts. To the greater society at large autistic people expressing their sexuality aren’t allowed to be considered normal, we either have to be sterile and nonexistent or a group of freaky sexual deviants. Give me a fucking break dude.

dear fellow career driven spoonie,

you’re not a failure, you’re sick.

you were putting just as much effort forward before you were sick as you are now, you just have less energy to use so the results aren’t as exciting. it’s not complacency if you’re putting forward an effort.

it’s normal for your work life to suffer when your personal life does. you’re not a robot, you’re still a person, it’s unrealistic of you to expect yourself to be able to compartmentalize your symptoms at work. your body doesn’t care where you are or who’s time you’re on and it’s okay.

if all you can do is maintain your responsibilities, that is enough. you are probably not going to get fired if all you’re doing is what’s on your job description. it’s okay that you can’t put anything extra forward to grow. you’re growing in other ways right now.

even if you lose your job, you’re still not a failure. you’re not defined by the fruits of your labor, but by the substance of your heart and you are still that same career driven person who worked so hard in that position in the first place.

the reason why you’re successful isn’t because of what you’ve done, but who you are. take pride in your talent, motivation, knowledge, intelligence, and grit. that’s where your value lies.

to the disabled person who needs to hear this:

you don't have to earn or "deserve": resting, sleeping, taking your medications (including OTC meds, cannabis, creams, etc.), using your mobility aids, eating, declining to go to an event, choosing to stay home, having a self care/lazy day, or taking care of yourself in any other capacity. you can be good to yourself today.

narcissism/NPD recovery resources, because there’s like nothing good out there

Books and things to read:

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Aimed at providers but apparently super great for self-help too

How Do You Develop Whole Object Relations as an Adult? by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Tips on how to stop seeing yourself and other people as only either all-good or all-bad

10 Stages in the Treatment of Narcissistic Disorders by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Goes through the stages of treating NPD

Rethinking Narcissism by Dr. Craig Malkin - A book about promoting healthy narcissism instead of unhealthy narcissism

Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders by Dr. Daniel Fox - what it says on the tin. May be best done guided by a therapist

Shame in patients with narcissistic personality disorder PDF - What it says on the tin.

Narcissus and the Daffodils - an essay about NPD by someone with NPD. Probably the best description I’ve ever seen

Things to watch and listen to:

Recovery FOR the Narcissist by Dr. Eric Perry - A compassionate podcast to provide insight, support, and encouragement to anyone who exhibits narcissistic tendencies. Very in-depth

Early Morning Barking - A YouTube channel by someone with BPD and NPD about coping with and educating people on BPD and NPD. He also has a Recovery from NPD by Dr. Todd Grande - A video about this provider’s experience with helping people recover from NPD

Misc:

Narcissism Self Help Therapy website - A daily program for people with NPD (may have some triggering aspects in Part 2 of the program)

NPD Safe carrd resources - More resources for NPD (I have not gone through all of these so I don’t know how good they are)

NPD Recovery Comics by The Ego System - A bunch of fantastic comics about recovering from NPD.