Is It Weird That I Can Categorize My Life Into Phases Of Fandom

Wow.....never knew overthinking could be so pretty

I think ultimately you become whoever would have saved you the time no one did

why does my mother always make me feel guilty about wanting to eat something sweet after my meal. and it's not as if I'm demanding a desert. I literally just want one bite of something sweet and she just rants out when i try to eat a few raisins or like a piece of mango or watermelon or maybe just one biscuit.

my parents specially my mother always judge me on my marks....they'll scold me.....they want me to do well and it's understandable cuz i failed physics and thats very low for me cuz last year i got 95. They are screaming at each other, finding tuitions so I do better (mind you, I already go to school AND COACHING) so much happened and none of them sat next to me and just asked "what happened? what problems did you face?" NOOOOOO they are convinced because things went according to me last year. Everything I do must be wrong, every way i did things must be wrongs.......and they are so misinformed (I want to just scream now) I can't even call it misinformation cause that would imply they have information but NOOO they don't have the full picture nor are they trying to see the full. they don't know what it's like to live through it and they want to dictate everything because ofcourse last year i did everything according to myself and i failed. They are (my mother is....I swear she is a witch for me now) convinced that everything they do is gonna turn out great because that is exactly what happened 2 years ago. BUT YOU STUPID PEOPLE, I WASN'T GOING TO COACHING **AND** SCHOOL THAT YEAR, I WASN'T HAVING **THAT** BIG OF A SYLLABUS . but yk what I don't have the energy to talk to them right now because they just pull the marks.....they just pull the fact that I FAILED and I am acting as if doesn't bother me. you dumbshits, ofc it bothers me.....I've been crying everyday in the morning but why would i show it YOU when I know you're gonna taunt me about it? Do you think I'm stupid?

It's easier for my parents to say, speak up more in class, ask more, stop acting dumb but it's just sad that they never thought why I have turned into a very quiet person when once I was known as a chatterbox..... as a kid during PTM, the teacher used to complain that I talk too much but now my teachers say that I don't talk at all. It's sad that my parents never questioned me on this 180 change in behavior

I don't think I could ever hate my life. I can hate days, hate people, hate things, hate situations (absolutely hate situations) but never myself or my life because deep down I know that I still deserve better and that I'm gonna get better, everything's gonna get better even though everything is falling apart rn, even though I'm just trying to numb everything through addictions.

Today was my result day and I got 64%....never in my entire life have I gotten less than 90. But this year I was just plain arrogant , I wanted to get good marks by just studying on the last days and I was getting annoyed that it wasn't working in class 11 because for the previous years it was working out. So in the end I actually failed physics and gave retest for it and barely passed. My parents expressed their disappointment and honestly I'm dissapointed in myself too.....but I FAILED PHYSICS THEN WHY ARE THEY TELLING ME TO GET MATHS TUTION? I mean Ik my maths werent that good but I failed physics not maths besides out of PCM my highest was in maths.........................but idk how to speak about this to my papa

And that is what matters at the end

I try to be the person with low requirements cuz I genuinely feel that's my only plus point but it's sad when you realise your "friends" take advantage of it

DATE : 13-3-25

Aim: IIT Bombay,CS

5/100 So I didn't post anything for the last two days cuz I was exhausted. But anyways yesterday was my last exam and yesterday I also went to my coaching so it was a hectic day. Now even though my school exams are over, I still have my coaching's reshuffling test to worry about and I really need to study properly or else I'll remain behind. I have 11 more days. and it's not even full uninterrupted 11days, no, Holi is day after tomorrow. I have school and coaching both in between and and I have just started with the syllabus, I have to cover everything from scratch cuz I wasted most of my 11th but it changes now. Anyways enough of my ramblings. hours studied on ypt today: