You Are Tired, You Are Hurt… 

marclarkin:

the sweet smell of heaven wafted through his nostrils and his feet lead him to the kitchen, following the scent of coffee. jax’s coffee was moderate enough for his tastes. he would pick up worse or better, depending on where he found himself. his cousin’s brew only cost him an earful lecture, most of the time. he could handle that. with his ex-wife, there were many o’times that he tuned her out. jax was not difficult to tune out too. “i’m not stupid enough to be drinkin your ma’s carton anyway. you, i’m not so scared of,” he teased back and put the milk back before grabbing a mug. “check yourself for a concussion. i’m fine,” he replied as he poured himself some coffee. as marc sipped from the cup, he walked over to a window and glanced down to see his bounty still cuffed to the gate. a broad smirk crossed his lips. “fucking idiot,” he mumbled and turned back to his cousin. “what, no pancakes? or, what do you prefer, crepes? you are a terrible host, primo,” he mocked his cousin with a shrug and continued to sip his bean brew.

“ we’re not kids anymore, marcus. i could definitely kick your ass now, ” he shot back, trying to be serious. but the smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. marc and all his bullshit amused jaxon, despite himself. he was the closest thing jaxon had to a brother, and his fondness couldn’t be overridden no matter how annoying marc was.  “ you show up bleeding at my house, and yer gonna be grumpy ‘bout me wanting to make sure your brain ain’t fuckin’ bruised? ” jax replied, dubious and giving him a look that was half scolding and half a glare.  “ i give you a bed and coffee, and yer still fuckin’ complaining? god, yer a brat. if you really wanna whine more about it, i’ll make you french toast. but fuck, i’m way too lazy t’ make you fuckin’ crepes. you could say please, ya know? instead of insulting me. ” despite their near constant bickering, jax was always on the verge of a smile, and he genuinely enjoyed his cousin’s company. no one else would guess that they actually really did like each other though. 

You had your maps drawn You had other plans To hang your hopes on Every road they let you down felt so wrong So you found another way

You've got a big heart The way you see the world It got you this far You might have some bruises And a few of scars But you know you're gonna be okay

And even though you're scared You're stronger than you know

If you're lost out where the lights are blinding Caught in all, the stars are hiding That's when something wild calls you home, home If you face the fear that keeps you frozen Chase the sky into the ocean That's when something wild calls you home, home

tatemcallisterr:

as much as tate hated to admit it, jaxon knew him better than probably anyone else on earth. they had been through a lot together throughout their friendship, quite a bit more than a normal friendship could handle. tate knew that jaxon had been through and still dealt with some of the same things he was currently going through, maybe not as intensely but still. he knew it was why jaxon preferred to work at night and sleep during the day. even when tate tried to sleep during the day he was jolted awake by the nightmares. finally setting his fork down he rested his elbows on the table and let out a heavy sigh as his gaze met jaxon’s. “because every time damn i close my eyes i’m back over there. except it’s fucking worse.” he shook his head, putting his head in his hands. it made him angry when he thought about it — it made him feel weak and god, he hated feeling weak. “alcohol helps. i’m not supposed to be drinking though.” 

jaxon sighed at tate’s response— it was the one he expected. and feared. it seemed like no one left the war whole. physically, mentally, emotionally. they were all tainted and damaged, and nightmares fucked with sleep and sanity in a very special way. he wished he had an answer for tate. a way to help make them go away, or even ease them slightly. but fuck... he’d been searching for that answer for two years and had come up with very little.  “ hey, man. it’s alright. don’t think i’ve ever met a soldier that didn’t have nightmares. yer not alone there, ” he offered quietly, intimately familiar with feeling weak or broken for struggling like this. fuck, he still felt like that a lot. but it helped... knowing his brothers felt like it too.  “ why aren’t you supposed to be drinkin’? i thought you were all healed up. ”

rcbeccxs:

It was impossible for her face not to soften up at the words, the usual concerned look for her brother bear was now obvious in her face. “Gavin is good– yeah, he is fine,” she mumbled quickly about her other brother. She was rather more attentive and more concerned with the one who was in front of her. Rebecca was much smaller than him, but he knew she was all kinds of feisty, but she was also soft. Soft as silk and it was with the same softness that she let go of her mug of coffee and reached across the table for his hand. Much bigger than hers, without a doubt, but she held it. “What’s wrong Jax? What do you mean by crisis?”

“ told you he’d be okay. i’m glad t’ see you less freaked out. bet th’ little one is glad to have him back too, ” jaxon smiled, squeezing her hand gently where it wrapped around his own. he’d been worried too, of course. with the rank gavin with at, and the special missions he was on... there was more danger than most of the military. but he wouldn’t dare show his worry to becca. and now the point was moot. thankfully. though that didn’t seem to ease becca’s worry for him. he sighed softly, trying to wrap his head around everything enough to verbalize it. “ remember jonny? my best friend from high school. th’ one i had feelings for. well... he’s in vegas now. apparently. and he wants t’ reconnect. and... becca. i don’t know what t’ do. it’s too much. ”

tatemcallisterr:

It was early, even for Tate. But after another night of restless sleep he thought maybe some food would take his mind off things and help him relax a little bit. So he sat at his favorite twenty-four hour diner, pushing the food around on his plate with his fork absentmindedly more than he was actually eating any of it. He had a million things on his mind since he had gotten back home three months ago. Losing his mother, his injury, the end of his career in the marines — it was all a lot for him to handle in a short amount of time. Rubbing his sleep filled eyes he could hear someone approach him, and just assumed it was his waitress checking in on him for the one hundredth time since he had sat down forty-five minutes ago. “Just another cup of coffee, please.” He muttered.

god, he was tired. after a long overnight shift, his whole body ached with weariness. it wasn’t anything like the long overnighters in the military. but it didn’t mean it was particularly fun or easy. especially tonight. with a rough domestic violence call, with kids involved. he was ready to go home. but he was starving. and eating at home meant cooking, and he definitely didn’t have the energy for that.  “ hey, daisy, ” jax smiled warmly at the waitress behind the counter he knew too well after so many early mornings. “ steak and eggs? with sweet potato fries. to-go, please. and a black tea. thanks, darlin’. ”  he was about to sit down, waste time on his phone, when he saw tate. looking just as exhausted as he felt.  “ i can grab you one if ya really want. but you look like you need a nap more than caffeine, ” he pointed out, gentle and understanding as he sat across from his old friend.  “ hey, man. rough night? ” 

Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.

Emery Allen (via wnq-writers)

@beautifulburnout

beautifulburnout:

On the sidewalk Jonny saw cars just keep flashing by. It was a little discouraging when so many people refused to stop, but he supposed this Las Vegas. He wasn’t sure he’d stop for a stranger on the side of the road either. He probably looked insane sitting here barefoot anyway so he felt less bitter as time went on and more just miserable. He didn’t want to deal with all the fallout of this either. Cancelling cards, getting his license again and all the bullshit that went along with that. He humored the idea of going in search of a payphone but who was he kidding? This was 2017.  Jonny was too absorbed in his thoughts to notice when someone did finally stop to see if he was okay. He didn’t notice Jaxon pulling up or him at all until he was shining a light towards his face. Disbelief was written on his face. Of all the people to run into him in this state it had to be Jaxon. A complicated wave of emotions crashed over him. Relief that someone was there for him but also a confusing mix of doubts he knew were just creeping in because he was feeling so low. He hated how much of a slave he was to his own emotions. He couldn’t even respond to Jaxon properly. He just shook his head ‘no’ when he asked if he was okay. If he spoke he might cry. Even if Jaxon had seen him cry a thousand times, that was ten years ago and he should be able to handle himself by now. He knew that didn’t answer all of his questions but it was all he could muster at the moment. 

it didn’t matter at the moment— all of their... stuff. all of his feelings, past and present, all of his confusion, all of their strange tension. it didn’t fucking matter. not when something had happened, and jonny was upset, and hurting, and dear fucking god, hopefully not injured. he wanted to hug jonny close against his chest, kiss his forehead, tell him it would be okay, he’d look out for him, like always. but this wasn’t high school. this wasn’t 10 years ago. 

instead, he reached forward and touched his jaw, gently and hesitantly, just enough to get a better look at him. no blood or bruising. that’s good. but jonny was obviously shaken up and upset.  “ okay, alright. it’s okay. c’mon. let’s get you outta th’ gutter, huh? ” he murmured gently, standing up and offering his hands out to jonny. worry clawed through his ribs, and he worried that he was the wrong person to help jonny at a time like this.  “ wanna drive through starbucks? get something hot? ” he asked, opening the passenger side door for jonny to get into. 

beautifulburnout:

“Pft, I can still run circles around you. I bet Tanis could too. Even with only 3 legs.” Jonny winked in response and there was no way he could suppress the smile on his lips. In moments like this he felt like he had his friend back. They were fleeting, because Jonny knew there was no way in hell things were okay between them, but it still felt good in those brief moments. He wondered if Jaxon felt the same way about all of this, or if he was just doing this for him. He wouldn’t put it past Jaxon to try and make him feel good. He was always putting other people first. “Jamie and Tanis have that in common then. He’s constantly excited,” he laughed and looked over at Jaxon just in time to see him stand back up. He didn’t want to think too much into things like that but Jonny was empathetic and Jaxon was one person who’s emotions he was always sensitive to. (Even if he did miss obvious things between them in youth). After a few pats to Tanis Jonny stood and shooed him off so he could play. “You okay?” The artist nodded at Jaxon’s knee, true concern written on his features even if that wasn’t what he thought was bothering him.

" yeah, that's probably true. bein' big doesn't really lend well t' bein' fast, " he chuckled lowly, the sound deep and rumbling in his chest. every now and then, there were these hints of the past. the ease and connection between them fighting to flicker back to steady life. it was a magnetism jaxon knew he couldn't deny. it went beyond even beyond his romantic feelings for jonny. they just... clicked. but the heartache made him shy away from whatever chemistry they still had. feeling hurt like that, again, after all this time... it wasn't an option. but he could enjoy the nostalgia a little longer, right?  " Jamie is... a lot. but he's still small and gettin' his strength up. so I can't let him play too hard for too long, " he explained, keeping an eye on the dogs and whistling when they started going too far. he smiled as tanis met up with them. Jamie was perfectly happy to incorporate tanis into their play, while ginger was a little more wary, following after him to sniff and check him out.  " huh? oh, yeah. just squatting for too long kinda hurts, " he shrugged, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket and pulling it a little tighter.

#dork