You Had Your Maps Drawn You Had Other Plans To Hang Your Hopes On Every Road They Let You Down Felt So

tatemcallisterr:

Tate saw it coming, Jaxon’s careful first suggestion. It was the most logical thing to tell someone in his current state, and it certainly wasn’t the first time anyone had mentioned the idea to him. However, the way Jaxon proposed the idea was exactly why Tate wouldn’t do it. They both knew Tate wasn’t one to open up easily, or at all really. He used to be different. Talking about how he was feeling used to just come naturally to him. But a lot of things that used to come naturally were just not as easy anymore. “I’m not going to therapy.” Was all Tate said in response, completely shut down to even thinking about the suggestion seriously. He didn’t want to relive those days in his dreams and he sure as hell didn’t want to have to talk about them either. “It’s not fucked up, it’s just…stressed.” Tate decided before quirking a brow as Jaxon went on. “Oh yeah? You know Jonny, huh? Small world.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if anything would take the place of drinking. Although it might help me sleep for more than five hours.” It might also help him eat a decent meal once in a while, but he left that part out. Jaxon had enough worry in his eyes looking at him, Tate didn’t want to give him anything else. 

jaxon fully expected that reaction. even their issues in the past couldn’t erase the countless nights they spent on patrol together, and jaxon knew tate. then and now. they’d both changed in ways they hated to think about. he sighed to himself, and sat up a little straighter, leaning his elbows on the table and closer in.  “ look, man. i get it, okay? i don’t talk to them about my shit either. ‘cause i really don’t fuckin’ wanna drag all that shit up. but... they got counselors, who just give you suggestions, ya know? like they recommended me to a training program for my dogs, so they can help when i get overwhelmed. and they gave me a list of things to try when i’m in a bad place. jus’— somethin’ to think about, ” he shrugged, trailing off as he leaned back and sipped at his iced tea. it wasn’t something he wanted to pressure tate into. but he also didn’t want tate to blindly block out everything that had a possibility of helping. “ well i hope yer liver relaxes, ” jax replied, just barely smiling, hoping to get tate to relax some too.  “ yeah... we were best friends all through high school. remember i told you, how he went away to art school, got involved in sketchy shit, and we had a falling out. that’s jonny. same jonny you know, apparently. but smoking does help with the sleep thing. while your liver is healing, ya know? plus, i’d pay good money t’ see you stoned out of yer mind. ”

beautifulburnout:

Tonight wasn’t Jonny’s night. His bare toes flexed against the pavement and the artist let out a soft and frustrated sigh. His eyes were puffy from crying, his hair a mess and his jacket ripped. He sniffed and his hands rubbed across his face as headlights illuminated him. He looked like a wreck and felt like one. It was hard to deal with the fact that you got mugged, clear down to designer shoes. It wasn’t like he could call for help either. Not with this phone stolen He had no way of getting a cab because the mugger had taken his wallet as well. And it wasn’t like he’d be walking far with tender bare feet. Instead he sat on the curb feeling both useless and more than a little dejected. He felt foolish. Jonny grew up in New York, he lived in Portland. It wasn’t like he was new to avoiding that sort of trouble and yet here he sat. A victim to some guy who no doubt preyed on tourists. Yeah, fuck this night and fuck this city. He just wanted to go home.

his shift had ran a little long. well, in truth, he’d made it run a little long. their job was technically done, and his partner had caught a ride home. but after responding to a call about a teenage tent city, jaxon hung back, to get the small group of teenagers some food, and sit and chat with them. they were good kids, just in bad situations, most of them emancipated or 18. it broke jax’s heart to see them out like this. he’d given them his card, and told them to call if anyone gave them any trouble. now he was driving back to the station, tired, and weary, and taking his time. the man slumped on the curb caught his eye. the jacket didn’t say homeless, but barefeet and body language spelled trouble. 

jaxon pulled over a little up the curb, climbing out with flashlight in hand. “ sir? are you okay? ” he called out, shining the flashlight just close enough to get a look at his face. “ jonny? ” he was incredulous and frankly, fucking shocked. “ jonny, what the hell? ” he said, squatting down in front of him to get a better look. “ what happened? are you okay? what’s goin’ on? ” despite all of his complicated feelings about them and him, jaxon’s protective instinct flooded his chest and drowned anything else out.  

Because you look after me and kiss me till I bleed I don't want anything, but all of you I know I swore, I said I'll never love again But—man, oh, man—you're my best friend

then & now // jaxathan aesthetic

@beautifulburnout​ & @theprodigalsoldier

jaxon sighed and picked at the cupcake in his hand. the small tray of chocolate treats was his mama’s way of being cheeky about his birthday. it was silly, feeling like he’d grown out of birthdays, but after 8 years of them in afghanistan— the novelty had definitely worn off. now all the happy birthday texts, facebook notifications, and voicemails just served as a reminder that he was 31 and only 2 years into his career. in any case, he definitely didn’t need this many fucking cupcakes. 

“ please, for the love of jesus, eat one of these cupcakes. or all of them. my mama made these jus’ to annoy me. ”

rcbeccxs:

— @theprodigalsoldier

    The news that Gavin was deployed longer than he should have, deeply troubled Rebecca. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, she overly worried about her brother’s life. It wasn’t as though she could help – even though she had some security around Las Vegas, with the family her brother had made inside the marines and presented her with, it was still different than having her brother around. She would have to give the news to her parents, she would have to give the news to little Sarah ( that she wasn’t excited about in the slightest ), but for now, she needed to be with someone who could help her making some sense out of it, who maybe could put her head in the right place and tell her it was all going to be alright in the very end.

   Which was exactly how she came to a stop on the doorstep of Jaxon’s house, facing the door as she waited for him to open it so she could let out her frustrations. Word vomits were not something she often did, but whenever she did them, they were in front of Jaxon, after all, he was the closest thing Rebecca had to a brother when her brother was away. The bond they ended up forming stunned her and whenever he was around, the woman just couldn’t believe how actually lucky she was. Upon hearing the door opening and seeing the large man ( her big bear ) behind it, she smiled almost nervously. “ — I’m so sorry for showing up so suddenly, I just didn’t know where else to go. It’s Gavin, he called today telling me he is going to be deployed longer and moved somewhere he can’t say, but it’s probable we wont have contact for over a week. That’s normal right?” Word vomit came, and she couldn’t quite stop. “Uhm, this is not some let’s catch Bin Laden thing?”

it was a bad habit, and he fucking knew it. rationally, he knew this was probably the worst thing for him. but that didn’t stop him from isolating himself and falling into the dark spiral of old emotions he couldn’t sort out. and he wasn’t sure what ever would. this didn’t stop it from happening, but becca showing up at his door, with worry and anxiety scrawled across her brow and in her gaze... it brought him out of himself just enough to cause a shift. from unsure and scared and lost in his head, to straightened shoulders and hands pulling becca into the house and against his chest. 

he hugged her warm, and tight, and just a little too long to help ease her nerves.  “ first, never apologize for showin’ up here, becks, ” he murmured, kissing her head and closing the door behind them.  “ c’mon. let me get you a drink. what do ya want? coffee? tea? whiskey? ” he asked, a teasing little smirk in attempt to soothe her tension.  “ and yeah, babe. that’s normal. lots of classified stuff in th’ military, especially at the level he’s at. and communication is always difficult when yer moving bases. gotta make sure its safe, ya know? and bin laden is already dead, love. he’ll call as soon as he can. but he’s still workin’, ya know? not calling could just mean busy. not necessarily compromised. ”

wilycoyotc:

The power shut down hours ago and the road leading to Cash’s apartment is blocked. Where he managed to find himself was a hotel. He was lucky to have showed up early because the lobby became packed with people seeking a place until the storm blew over. Cash could be found at the bar taking a sip from his drink. The storm had long lost it’s terror and became boring. Drinking normally made things fun when he had nothing to do. 

“Hey– keep those drinks coming,” he spoke to the bartender. Cash knows there is nothing he can do from this point. 

god, fuck this storm. he was on hour seven of a shift that would last who knows how long. thankfully, he could get a break from the fucking rain, escorting a soaked and terrified pair of party girls back to their hotel. he was genuinely concerned that the girls would float off if he didn’t make sure they got back. and now? well, he needed a god damn BREAK before heading back out.  “ black coffee, please. with a shot of whiskey, because fuck it, ” he shrugged, leaning against the bar and brushing the hair back from his forehead.  “ well hey, old man, ” jax smirked, turning as he noticed cash at the bar beside him. “ why am i not surprised yer riding out the storm at a hotel bar? ” 

Jaxon Sawyer && Three (5) Fictional Characters

Dean Winchester ( Supernatural ) // “As long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you.”

Nick Miller ( New Girl ) // “You love me too much! And you picked the wrong guy! And when are you gonna get that through giant head of yours? I’m just gonna let you down.”

Vic Carboneau ( Survival Code ) //  —"You wanna run your business in my bar, fine. I don’t complain.“  —"What are you talking about? All you do is complain!”  —"WHAT?! No, I don’t!“

Kristoff Bjorgman ( Frozen ) // “Of course I don’t want to help her anymore. In fact, this whole thing’s ruined me for helping anyone ever again……— Hold up! We’re coming.”

Jeff Winger ( Community ) // “I’m just a grown man who can’t even look his own friends in the eye for too long, because I’m afraid that they’ll see that I am broken.”

shvdykiid:

“Hm…” he sighs like he’s giving it some real thought. “You know– I wouldn’t mind being both. I would like to still be around to do your autopsy,” he says with a genuine tone. If only the boy knew how strange it was to say such a thing. He forgets other’s aren’t as twisted on the inside. While he wants to do his best skill as a favor, he doesn’t understand just how creepy it really is. “I’ll make sure no one stuffs you and your casket with money and/or drugs.” He speaks with a teasing tone, but his eyes say there is truth to his promise.

Despite the talk of death in their conversation, Ollie gave a shrug when it came to the cupcake. “I don’t normally like sweet foods. Yet, I can see myself buying these cupcakes from a bakery. It’s the highest compliments to your mother. You’re being a brat and nothing is wrong with your age,” he speaks with a smirk.

jaxon laughed warmly and shook his head, no doubt amused by oliver’s dark sense of humor. in a weird, fucked up way, it was familiar. after all, nothing like gallows humor to alleviate the drudgery of war. it must’ve been why jaxon felt so comfortable around the odd boy.  “ sounds like a nice way t’ go out. just promise you’ll keep me heavily drugged, ” jax replied, leaning back in his chair and smearing the icing beneath his finger.  “ awe, thanks. that’s sweet. no cupcakes either, yeah? homemade or bakery. ”  jax had come to terms with death and dying years ago. maybe it should phase him, and yet.  “ yeah, i’ not huge on sweets either. which she knows. but if you knew my mama, you’d know she’s teasin’ me with this. but i’ll let her know you like ‘em. against all odds. and yer right, i know i’m being dumb. i dunno. do you like yer birthday? ”

“ i think i’m havin’ a crisis, becks, ” jaxon said with no preface or greeting as he sat across from her in their favorite diner. they had lunch here a couple times a week, when their shifts lined up. the furrow in jaxon’s brow made it obvious something was bothering him. “ oh, by th’ way, how’s yer bother doin’? haven’t seen him around. ”

@rcbeccxs