“ …. — If You Wanna Start A Fight, Ya Better Throw The First Punch. 

Because you look after me and kiss me till I bleed I don't want anything, but all of you I know I swore, I said I'll never love again But—man, oh, man—you're my best friend

then & now // jaxathan aesthetic

@beautifulburnout​ & @theprodigalsoldier

Look what they do to you Look what they do to me Must be joking if you think that either one is free, here Get up off your knees, girl Stand face to face with your God And find out what you are (Hello, my name is human)

I'm ready for love and I'm ready for war But I'm ready for more I know that nobody's ever been this fucking ready before, hey (Do you need some time to think it over?)

jaxon sighed and picked at the cupcake in his hand. the small tray of chocolate treats was his mama’s way of being cheeky about his birthday. it was silly, feeling like he’d grown out of birthdays, but after 8 years of them in afghanistan— the novelty had definitely worn off. now all the happy birthday texts, facebook notifications, and voicemails just served as a reminder that he was 31 and only 2 years into his career. in any case, he definitely didn’t need this many fucking cupcakes. 

“ please, for the love of jesus, eat one of these cupcakes. or all of them. my mama made these jus’ to annoy me. ”

Jax,  Happy birthday! I found this when I was digging through some of my old stuff. This was the last trip we took to the lake back in New York. I thought it was nostalgic and sweet so I wanted you to have it. Look how young we were!  Anyway, happy 31st. I know you were never big on birthdays but I hope you enjoy it. Let me take you out for a drink soon.  Have a great day (don’t be too grouchy). -Jay

[ sms → jonny ] thank you for the picture. and the birthday wishes. that’s very sweet of you. 

[ sms → jonny ] i’ll try not to be too much of a grump. 

All the honesty memes!

♥ - Something they like about your muse.

how kind and soft jonny is. jaxon really appreciates how much jonny cares. and how unabashed he is about it. it makes jaxon feel better about caring too much sometimes, and like that it reminds him that it’s a good thing. 

❦ - Something they hate about your muse.

jonny’s self-destructive tendencies. a small part of him, that he wouldn’t ever admit to outloud, blames jonny’s bad habits for the ending of their friendship. jaxon hates that jonny was so stubborn about wanting to get involved with shit jaxon knew was bad for him. 

✎ - A reason they’re jealous of your muse.

he likes how much jonny laughs, smiles, and jokes around. being serious or grumpy around jonny never lasts long, and jaxon is jealous how easy it is for jonny to find the good things, and enjoy the moment. so often jaxon gets caught up in his own negativity and his own bullshit. to jaxon, it seems like jonny doesn’t struggle with that quite so much. 

♪ - A secret they’re keeping from your muse.

uh, i mean… a lot. but the big one is his feelings for jonny. even after ten years, jaxon’s romantic feelings for jonny haven’t diminished. oh, and also how bad his ptsd really is. a lot of his behaviors are by-products of that, but jaxon has a really hard time admitting that. and doesn’t want to worry jonny. 

♤ - What they thought about your muse when first meeting.

“ how is someone so clumsy using a skateboard as their main form of transportation? i bet he falls like… a lot. ” (lmfao hes a dick) 

Ask my Muse ANYTHING. There are ZERO LIMITS!

“ okay is just a word I use so I won’t have to talk about what’s inside.  okay is a word that means I am going to keep my secrets. ” 

          — she told me i was fatalistic. i told her she was right. 

jaxon sawyer + the things inside his head // aesthetic 

@tatemcallisterr asked “ ❢ ” [ ❢ ] my muse discovers yours all bloodied and bruised.

he’d gone through the list. yoga, taking a long walk, reading a book, doing something with his hands. he was really trying to find better coping mechanisms, but the ones that the counselor at the VA recommended just really were not cutting it. or doing much of anything at all. with the reappearance of jonny in his life, and all the complicated bullshit that came along with that, plus the hardship his family was going through with the cafe not making as much as it needed to... the inside of jaxon’s head was not a fun place. and god damn, he just wanted everything to slow down for a moment. he wanted the world to just get a little quieter. four shots of whiskey and a bar fight later, things had slowed down. his brain could only focus on the throbbing and the bleeding and the blurring effects of the whiskey. jax sipped slowly at his flask, sitting on the concrete edge of a planter outside the bar. blood slid slowly from the re-opened cut on his cheek, and leaked from the inside of his mouth. it should be trouble that jaxon felt calm, and centered like this, for the first time in weeks.