Jax,  Happy Birthday! I Found This When I Was Digging Through Some Of My Old Stuff. This Was The Last

tylerbeyond:

there was a story there. tyler didn’t know what it was, but he felt he could relate. thankfully, he had enough tact not to ask. “yeah! rip every party i’ve never been to! they could never be perfect because i never showed up. listen, you’re joking, but you’ve never been to a party with me.” he wagged his eyebrows at jaxon suggestively, then gave him a tight one-armed hug. “i’ll buy the first round. since it’s your birthday.”

“ maybe i’ve never been to a party with you. but i’ve been to a bar with you. and th’ roof of a bar with you. and snuck into a vip section of a club with you. so i think i get the gist, ” he laughed, squeezing tyler’s shoulder and grinning warmly at him. this was definitely a perk up in his usual birthday mood. leave it to fucking tyler.  “ well aren’t you fuckin’ generous? ” he teased, keeping his arm around tyler’s shoulders.  “ so where to, party god? since you scoff at my dive bars. ”

beautifulburnout:

It was odd that they kept running into each other randomly like this. But it didn’t bother Jonny. Even if he had mixed emotions about things between them he was still happy to see Jaxon. Jonny was admittedly more worried than he let on and he’d wanted to see Jax. Fate was on his side he supposed. “Yeah we gotta stop randomly running into each other like this.” As soon as he heard his name Tanis rolled onto his back and started wiggling for a belly rub. He loved attention a little too much. But a lot of people said that pets were a reflection of their owners. “Yeah that’s him,” Jonny shook his head at the goofy animal but smiled nonetheless. “And here I thought I’d have the park all to myself. Late night?”

The dark part of him wanted to be alone. he wanted to be left to stew in his own bullshit, and wallow in the crap he refused to deal with. but there was a lighter prick of hope at jonny's appearance that reminded him he's not alone. it was nice in a way he wasn't quite ready to admit. " hey, I was here first, " jax joked in response, leaning down on one knee to scratch at Tanis' belly.  " it's on you this time. " he smiled gently up at jonny before turning his attention back to tanis. the puppy was cute, and resilient, and seemed almost completely unaware of the fact that he was handicapped. jax admired that.  " night off. the dogs were restless and I didn't feel like just hangin' out at home. how 'bout you? "

beautifulburnout:

Things between them were beyond complicated. There was a lot unsaid and a lot that needed to be said. But despite all the years and despite the tension Jonny trusted Jaxon because he knew that he still cared. He felt weak, vulnerable and small but with Jaxon it didn’t matter. He knew he’d take care of him and Jonny knew he needed that right now.  The touch to his jaw had him meeting Jaxon’s eyes. Even if he wasn’t crying there was no hiding the fact that he had been. He didn’t have anything to hide from Jax and when he offered his hands Jonny took them without hesitation. He almost went in for a hug because he wanted the comfort but he checked himself. The last hug they shared hadn’t exactly been the most encouraging thing in regards to affection and even if he was having a rough night he didn’t want to push that on Jax. Instead he just climbed into the car and hugged his jacket around himself tighter. “Um, sure. Sounds good,” he finally replied. His voice was soft and hoarse. All the yelling that he did only served to make him lose his voice. Coffee did sound pretty nice. “Thanks…”

the tension, the history, the complicated feelings— all of that was monumental and waiting between them. but that was for another time, another night, another place. not with jonny hurting and scared and in need. jaxon would chalk it up to his duty as a cop. he was supposed to help people. that’s all this was. but the way worry ached in his chest, and the way he wanted nothing more than to comfort jonny with physical affection... that wasn’t exactly standard cop feelings. but he was doing a job, and playing a role, and his feelings were easier to ignore when he focused on that. 

he closed the door behind jonny, pausing at the trunk to grab a blanket as he walked.  “ here, jay, ” he said, laying the blanket gently in his lap. he knew how cold jonny always got. and being shaken up and barefoot probably wouldn’t help that.  “ okay, ” jax replied softly, watching him for another long moment. he noticed the tear in jonny’s jacket, and he grazed a fingertip over the slice. when his finger came away with a slight smear of blood, jaxon concern peaked sharply.  “ alright. i know yer really shaken. but i need t’ know what happened, jonny... ” his voice was still gentle, and empathetic. but he put the cruiser into drive, and pulled away. maybe it would be easier for jonny to talk when it felt less like he was filing a police report. 

beautifulburnout:

“The perks of not being a giant.” While the puppies played Jonny was tempted to just flop down in the grass and enjoy the conversation. But he had a feeling that Jaxon wouldn’t stick around long enough for that. It seemed like he was unwilling to get past the tension between them. Or was it that he didn’t want to? He supposed this was the complication of not talking for 10 years. At this point they had spent more time apart than together. Things couldn’t be the same again. The realization of that made Jonny ache. He knew Jaxon could read him like a book so Jonny turned, using the dogs as an excuse to not clue him in on how he was feeling. “Yeah well, Tanis falls on his face half the time he plays so they’ll have to take it slow eventually,” he chuckled and as if to prove his point his pup took a face dive but he was back on his feet in no time. Jonny rocked on his heels and glanced back when Jaxon responded about his knee. “Do more yoga and it’ll feel better,” he advised even though he knew there was something going through his mind beyond that. Jonny chewed the inside of his lip but he couldn’t keep silent on this forever. It just wasn’t his style. “So besides the knee what’s going on? If you really want to be alone I can take off,” he offered gently. He wouldn’t force his company on Jax and he was starting to feel like that was exactly what he was doing.

" he seems like a sweet dog. i bet he adores you, " jax offered, a little stiffly. and he hated it. this weird limbo wasn't ideal. and jaxon knew they'd have to talk about it, explicitly, eventually. because they'd either move past it and become friends again, or it would stall in this tension, neither of them making a step forward or step back. Maybe he should just make the decision to step away from whatever this was or was going to be. but that decision was too hard to make, especially after the realization that even ten years wasn't quite enough to quell the way he felt about jonny, or the connection between them. but could those two things coexist? could he survive that again? that was the unclear part of it.  " what? no. i mean... " he paused and furrowed his brow at jonny's offer. his tone was gentle, but he was blunt in a way that hadn't yet been with each other.  " i gotta get th' pups home soon. we've been out here a while... and, uh. well, i gotta make sure jamie doesn't get too worn out, and ginger doesn't get too worked up. " he shrugged and watched the dogs for a second, before glancing over at jonny.  " listen, uh... with you gettin' mugged and everything. we haven't really had a chance to hang out or, anything... i'm probably not going to bed any time soon, and i got this... awful bottle of peach vodka as a joke. the dogs can play in the backyard... if you wanna come over for a bit...? " he rubbed the back of his neck as he finally managed to get a clear question out. not that it should have been so difficult.

jax ✉✉✉ jonny

jaxon: you're home and safe, yeah? not wandering around in the storm like i found tate.

wilycoyotc:

The power shut down hours ago and the road leading to Cash’s apartment is blocked. Where he managed to find himself was a hotel. He was lucky to have showed up early because the lobby became packed with people seeking a place until the storm blew over. Cash could be found at the bar taking a sip from his drink. The storm had long lost it’s terror and became boring. Drinking normally made things fun when he had nothing to do. 

“Hey– keep those drinks coming,” he spoke to the bartender. Cash knows there is nothing he can do from this point. 

god, fuck this storm. he was on hour seven of a shift that would last who knows how long. thankfully, he could get a break from the fucking rain, escorting a soaked and terrified pair of party girls back to their hotel. he was genuinely concerned that the girls would float off if he didn’t make sure they got back. and now? well, he needed a god damn BREAK before heading back out.  “ black coffee, please. with a shot of whiskey, because fuck it, ” he shrugged, leaning against the bar and brushing the hair back from his forehead.  “ well hey, old man, ” jax smirked, turning as he noticed cash at the bar beside him. “ why am i not surprised yer riding out the storm at a hotel bar? ” 

“ …. — if you wanna start a fight, ya better throw the first punch. 

                                                                                  — m a k e  i t  a  g o o d  o n e . ”

im dealing with my shit the way im dealing with it.  are my methods unhealthy? yes. are they effective? no. am i going to change what im doing? nope. 

beautifulburnout:

On the sidewalk Jonny saw cars just keep flashing by. It was a little discouraging when so many people refused to stop, but he supposed this Las Vegas. He wasn’t sure he’d stop for a stranger on the side of the road either. He probably looked insane sitting here barefoot anyway so he felt less bitter as time went on and more just miserable. He didn’t want to deal with all the fallout of this either. Cancelling cards, getting his license again and all the bullshit that went along with that. He humored the idea of going in search of a payphone but who was he kidding? This was 2017.  Jonny was too absorbed in his thoughts to notice when someone did finally stop to see if he was okay. He didn’t notice Jaxon pulling up or him at all until he was shining a light towards his face. Disbelief was written on his face. Of all the people to run into him in this state it had to be Jaxon. A complicated wave of emotions crashed over him. Relief that someone was there for him but also a confusing mix of doubts he knew were just creeping in because he was feeling so low. He hated how much of a slave he was to his own emotions. He couldn’t even respond to Jaxon properly. He just shook his head ‘no’ when he asked if he was okay. If he spoke he might cry. Even if Jaxon had seen him cry a thousand times, that was ten years ago and he should be able to handle himself by now. He knew that didn’t answer all of his questions but it was all he could muster at the moment. 

it didn’t matter at the moment— all of their... stuff. all of his feelings, past and present, all of his confusion, all of their strange tension. it didn’t fucking matter. not when something had happened, and jonny was upset, and hurting, and dear fucking god, hopefully not injured. he wanted to hug jonny close against his chest, kiss his forehead, tell him it would be okay, he’d look out for him, like always. but this wasn’t high school. this wasn’t 10 years ago. 

instead, he reached forward and touched his jaw, gently and hesitantly, just enough to get a better look at him. no blood or bruising. that’s good. but jonny was obviously shaken up and upset.  “ okay, alright. it’s okay. c’mon. let’s get you outta th’ gutter, huh? ” he murmured gently, standing up and offering his hands out to jonny. worry clawed through his ribs, and he worried that he was the wrong person to help jonny at a time like this.  “ wanna drive through starbucks? get something hot? ” he asked, opening the passenger side door for jonny to get into. 

jax ✉✉✉ jonny

jonny: thrill seeking isn't death seeking lol

jonny: hahaha that was fun though. i miss that fucking lake

jaxon: depends on who you ask

jaxon: yeah me too. there's a pretty great one out here. up in the mountains. pretty good fishing.