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BURNED!!! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍💯😌✨😁😉☺️😂🤣🤤🥳👉🏻👈🏻

How much money would it cost me for you to give me a strip tease show?

Obviously, more than what your dignity is worth.

The amount being "Absolutely-Not-Ever" with a generous side of "Mocking-Sarcasm".

You

Summary: Your husband, Severus, finally introduces you to his colleagues. The Hogwarts staff.

Pairing: Severus Snape x Female Reader

A/N: I feel like I forgot some people.

In the previous and last staff meeting of the year, the headmaster announced the schedule for the Annual Staff dinner.

This commemorated the end of a successful school year and the hopes for more to come. They were always encouraged but not required to attend the festivities. Your husband, Severus, would often stay for an hour before leaving.

This year, however, he vaguely inquired about inviting a guest to the castle.

A phenomenon that didn’t happen quite often and one that Dumbledore wasn’t lenient to grant. This sparked their intrigue and excitement. They were quite eager to meet you. They hoped it was you. The one that puts a smile on their Potions’ Master’s face.

To no surprise, the headmaster stated that any guest of his was welcome to join in the festivities.

Especially if it would encourage him to interact longer than what was professionally deemed necessary in a setting that was not the Three Broomsticks, Hog’s Head, Grimmauld Place, his office, or the high table in the Great Hall.

That’s why you were home, in front of your mirrored wardrobe half naked, unable to decide on what to wear.

“How about this?” you turned, black robes at hand, “Yes? No?”

“You’ll look splendid in anything, darling, in fact,” Severus said, from the bed admiring the sight of you. “I quite like what I see at the moment,”

He smirked.

His eyes locked on you in a haze of desire. Your cheeks heat up as he slowly walks over. His hand reaches out to gently brush a strand of hair away from your face.

“Severus,” his lips dangerously close to yours, your heart racing, his scent enticing, your hand gently pushing him away, “We shouldn't,”

“Why don’t we put that away for a moment?” His warm breath against your cheek sends shivers down your spine, your defenses crumbling as he puts the clothes away, leaning toward you, "Hmm?"

His lips are tender on yours as he pulls you closer. His eyes searched yours in consent, and you surrendered to his heated touch. Your arms wrap around his neck as you lose yourself in his embrace. His robes were warm and soft against your bare skin. Your nose gently nudges his. Closer. More. You silently pleaded. His hands roamed every contour and curve of your exposed skin.

His clothes needed to go. Now.

——————————— 🪄———————————

In the end, you’d matched his outfit. In black robes, and shoes, except for your jewelry in platinum and a scarf in your house colors.

“You were of no help,” you said, after apparating outside Hogwarts grounds’, “No help at all,”

“You love me,” he laughed, you pouted as he showed you in, “Yes, I do,”

In the castle halls, Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall caught the sound of his laughter. Their eyes turned to the bridge where their Potions’ Master walked side by side with a lovely woman.

“It’s time,”

In the spirit of celebration, their staff room was tastefully adorned in Hogwarts’ colors. Each color was distributed in a way that one was not as prominent as the other. His colleagues were absorbed in their own tasks as the two of you entered.

There were three women by the fire, punch at hand, talking. One you recognize as the Head of Gryffindor House and Transfiguration Professor, McGonagall. By the punch table, there was a small man you know from description as the Charms Professor, Flitwick, and a huge man, Hagrid. The remainder, however, were unfamiliar.

“Severus, so glad of you to join us, my boy,” the Headmaster entered from an office within, “Who is this lovely lady with you?”

“Someone you all wanted to meet for quite some time now,” Severus remarked, as he pulled you closer by his side, “My wife,”

“Oh, finally!” one small but lively woman, head full of curls, approached you, “You made quite an impression, dear,”

“We have never seen Severus so chastised,” Professor McGonagall joined the throng, “It was the highlight of our days,”

“Oh please,” Severus huffed, as you glanced at him and said, “I would’ve thought you’d open that Howler in a more private setting,”

“I was told Howlers shouldn’t be left waiting,” he justified, and sighed, “Imagine my guilt upon opening it,”

“You made up for it quite well, Sev,” you smile, his body relaxes, “Though, I hope outings like those wouldn’t need much incentive to be done,”

“I’ll do my best, my dear,” he sighed, and said, “Ah, apologies, formal introductions.”

His colleagues, Professor Hooch, Sprout, Pomfrey, Flitwick, McGonagall, and Trelawney greeted you in their way. They were very pleased to meet you and whisked you away once your husband was distracted by the headmaster for their short inquisition about your marriage.

To which you happily recanted for them because Severus was a private man and kept information about you to the chest.

It takes him an hour to escape the clutches of the Headmaster and return by your side. With the ladies by the fireplace, thoroughly exposing your husband’s romantic side to them.

“I simply cannot imagine Severus doing such,” Sprout chuckled, “Then again it is you, not us,”

“What are you talking about?” he menacingly came up behind you but no one was intimidated, “Darling?”

“Do you remember that trip to wizarding Paris?” you said. It takes him only moments to recall. His cheeks to the tips of his ears quickly flushed then he hid his face in your hair, “Dear god, please tell me you didn’t tell them that,”

“No, not exactly that,” you giggled. His arms securely wrapped around your waist, “But a more censored version,”

“We’re going now,” he insisted pulling you away from them as they laughed and you squealed, “Severus!”

“You are all menaces,” he pointed to the women as they stifled their laughter, turning to you, “And you are the worst of them all,”

“I love you,” you teasingly grinned, as he sighed happily taking your presence in, “And, I too,”

They briefly stared in awe at your husband’s admission. That’s how much you can get in public but in private he never hesitated to tell or show you his love. Their stares changed to smiles as he wrapped his arms around you. Your hands on top of each other’s above your stomach, rings twinkling in the firelight as you both warm up to them.

It was the first and only time he ever stayed the whole duration of the Annual Staff dinner.

I mean between character and reader. It works by people describing themselves to you as detailed as possible and you tell them what character would fit them as a partner and why.

And if you want to go the extra mile, you can even add a (smaller) fanfic. But so far I've never seen anyone do that.

Do you also do match ups or only fanfics?

Do you mean match ups between readers and characters or two characters? Either way, I'll admit I'm not familiar with this, but why not!

*suddenly wonders if they know enough characters to do that and keep it varied*

That's okay! Thanks for the tipps anyway, Doctor! ...I also think I may or may have broken my scapthoid when I was was driving around with one of those e-scooters in my human form the other day. ...And I may or may not have waited for the symptoms to becomes better when they only became worse for five weeks! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘😚😅😬🥺🙃🙂🥲🥹☺️😌✨👀💯👉🏻👈🏻

Hello doctor Watson! Just a quick question; How often should a hip normally be able to move out of socket (thanks to hip dysplsia)? 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘☺️😉😌😁😳😭😅🥺🥹😇👉🏻👈🏻

😃😧😰

If you have a diagnosis then your doctor should know severity and those questions should be directed at them. If it's a severe anomaly then there are treatment options/surgery.

It's important to talk about options with your doctor early as this is a classic condition that worsens over time, especially if you develop arthritis. Surgery is far more successful in those without arthritis in the hip.

So, please make sure to check this out with your doctor sooner rather later. As much as I'd love to help, I'm not sure I can work with such small equipment for your tiny arachnid body.

Can I pls have some nsfw slenderman headcanons 😗

Ask and thou shall receive. NSFW below~

Prepare to be pampered by not only the king of the kitchen but also the king of the bedroom. This man is experienced and he can give it to you any way you want it. You want him to slam you into the mattress for a few hours? Bend over for him and let him get to work.  You wanna ride him until you can't anymore? Hop on. Rough sex, lovemaking, angry sex, worshipping sex. He's done it all and can give it all.

Open to lots of things if his partner wants to mix it up, but nothing in public. If he were to get caught it could jeopardize his career and the respect that he's earned over the last few centuries. 

You can't really leave marks on him because of his skin/healing powers, but if you try to anyways it'll get him even more fired up. If you want him to leave marks on you he always does it in discreet locations.

He can be loud or quiet during sex depending on his lover's preference, but if you get him too into it the noises he tries to hold in will end up reverberating around inside your mind. Best hope nobody else is close enough to hear.

He can't decide on a favorite place to finish so he'll finish wherever you want him to.

Also a God at aftercare. He'll give you a nice massage if you need one, run you a nice hot bath, or just clean you up and cuddle if that's all you really need. Always keeps a glass of water on the nightstand for you.

Yan hoodie NSFW ?

Unlike other yan!character that I write for, Yan!Hoodie is kind of an opposite rather than slightly twisted like the others. Like regular Hoodie would be more vanilla and easily pleased, but yan!hoodie just wants all that he can get. but we love him just the same, maybe a little too much-

Yan!Hoodie

He’s bigger than one would think

like-

he’s kinda packing tbh-

But what’s the use bc he’d rather eat you out and edge you for like 2 hours before actually fucking you

He likes tying you up so you can’t squirm out of his grip.

He likes to leave hickeys and soft bites on your neck and collarbone, but nothing too extra.

He’s a pleaser, so lucky you~

If you were on good behavior, he’ll find soft ropes or perhaps braided ribbons.

But if you’re bad you’ll get tied to the headboard with scratchy ropes that pull on your skin with every move.

This boi is amazing with his tongue,

He loves to grab your ass and hips and pin you to the bed while his tongue grinds on your clit

He likes seeing how helpless you look when you ride out your orgasms.

And he’ll finger fuck your g-spot until you can’t take it anymore.

Once he’s FINanLY done eating you out, he’ll whip it out

It’s a 50-50 chance he’ll untie you for the main event.

If he does, it’s to just pin your hands down by holding them in his own.

And to feel your legs wrapping tightly around him.

He’ll tease you by just putting the tip in until you start begging.

Then he’ll FUcKiNG RaM into your g-spot at the weight of a truck.

Yes, he will moan and growl in your ear.

He likes missionary better than any other position.

He gets to see and feel your body while he’s causing you to look even more beautiful in that state of pleasure.

He loves feeling your thighs and breasts as he pumps into you.

And he’ll dirty talk the entire time.

Might degrade you a little bit.

He doesn’t want to hit you, even if you had acted up,  but if you really want it he’ll fucking go to town on your ass until it’s beet red while he’s fucking you.

If you’ve been on bad behavior, he’ll give you a few seconds of post-orgasm torture.

He wants to hear you scream his name by the end of the night.

But after, he’s the best at aftercare.

He’ll kiss you and clean you up, and make sure you’re not too hot or cold.

He’ll stroke your hair until you drift off to sleep.

He’ll mumble something that you may not hear through your dreams, “I’m so happy you’re mine.”

The way the crocodile gives that criminal offensive side-eye, as if daring to copy it and see what happens! 😂🤣

And me! I like flies! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍😌☺️😉😁✨💯🥳🤤👉🏻👈🏻

Hi Jim! Did you miss me?

- @consult-sebmoran

Again? You drop and pop up like flies.

Which is perfect for someone like me.

Absolutely! I'm always up for some good food! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️☺️😌🥳😋😉😁

Your favorite tarantula is back! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺

So I was in Sweden for two and a half month and it was great! Unfortunately I couldn't access my mobile data (we didn't have wifi) for some reason and whatever I tried to make ot work didn't change anything!

When I went into Tumblr though when I did have wifi (at someone else's place) I couldn't access my old account ( @shame-of-chimical ) anymore so I had to set up a new one.

But I'm happy to be back and I missed you guys (I really missed spending time with Irene, sitting on Jim's nice and warm hand and Sherlock's awesome deductions and scientific explanation about things, but also I missed talking to Harry and the banter between John and Sherlock for example!)

But on that note, hello to @twireneadler, @criminalisticonsultant, @consult-sherlockholmes, @consultjohnwatson , @mrs-hudsons-blog, @mrs-turners-blog, @atamh, @antheaisntmyname, @therealharrywatson, @a-victorian-girl, and @everyone else that I might not have mentioned in my post! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺😭☺️😌😋😁😉😇🥳

Not your division, I guess? And you know me! I know bugs well! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍💯👀✨🥺🥹🥲😳😅☺️😁😉😌👉🏻👈🏻

Hey Greg! Did you know that big dragonflies can speed up to 130 miles per hour??? Cheetah's can also speed up to 130 miles per hour, but only for about 20 seconds, so a big dragonfly can easily beat a cheetah in a race!

Dragonflies can also make it from Lybia to Iceland in only four days flat! Awesome, isn't it?! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍☺️😁😉😌🥳👀💯👉🏻👈🏻

Is this true? I don't know any bugs to confirm these facts with. Feel like I'd need a detective for this. Or someone who really knew bugs. Wonder if I know anyone like that...