“He’s Just A Beautiful Boy With A Beautiful Soul. And I Love Him.”

Can parents stop acting like providing a child’s basic needs is something to be earned? So many kids grow up traumatised because they were made to feel guilty about the existence they never asked for

There’s always going to be someone else. Someone that’s better for you. I told that to my ex when he was crying for me to take him back, I tell that to my friends when they’re going through breakups, and I tell that to myself whenever I need to hear it-which is often and always the hardest. But we always, always move on and love again and those low points we thought we’d never get past, well they always become distant memories. Because the amazing thing about us as humans is we’re capable of loving more than one person in our lifetime and our feelings are capable of change. So even if you really did love someone with all your heart, it doesn’t mean you can’t use all your heart again to love someone else.

“You’re the one I want to go on late night drives with while holding hands and singing along to the radio, to drive to the middle of no where and look up at the stars while in each other’s arms, the one to kiss at red lights, the one to hold tightly in my arms, the one to go to coffeehouses with while having tired eyes, the one to be mine while I am yours.”

—

Abusive parents make sure their children always act like everything’s okay. That’s one of the first things you learn there: don’t let the neighbours hear you scream, don’t cry in public, don’t show your marks from being beaten to anyone, don’t talk about things that go on at home, show that you’re okay, don’t be a weakling, don’t let people get the ‘wrong’ idea. You learn that 'acting’ okay and making sure nothing is suspicious about your appearance comes way before your needs or your well being; keeping the family’s secrets is imposed on you before you even know what’s being asked of you.

There’s almost unspoken rule to not ask for help; in fact if you do, you’ll be punished, so asking for help will feel as the same thing as asking for pain and humiliation, something highly inadvisable to do. So on top like feeling that most of the abuse is your fault just because you never said anything or showed symptoms, you learn not to ask for help, ever. The mere thought is humiliating and like you’re making yourself weak and a target for bullying, even when it would be okay, even preferable for anyone else to ask for help in the same situation.

It’s not your fault if you can’t ask for help. If pretense of normalcy was ingrained into your mind since you were a kid, that’s not something you can fight. Trauma conditioning is powerful and it created a real barrier between you and anyone who could possibly help, just to keep you abused in secrecy, to make sure you’re keeping it secret, isolated and alone in it. This is not something you could have done to yourself, or chosen, it’s inflicted, and none of your responsibility.

when hayao miyazaki said that true love was two people inspiring each other to live…recognizing just how hard living is, putting one foot in front of the other every day, how easy it is to lose our passion for it…… that’s the real shit

“But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.”

— Lemony Snicket

Another night on my own, and you’d think after 6 years I’d be used to sleeping alone, but when I lay down my head, this house still feels like an empty home.

Poetry At Most

i don’t know why i drink vodka. i dont particularly like how it tastes or the smell it leaves behind or how it burns in my throat. but i like that it makes me feel lost in time and imagination. i like how after four shots, i can imagine you holding my hand ten years later and imagine us buying an apartment together somewhere with a garden and growing old together so i can make fun of you when you have belly fat and wrinkles. i like how after four shots, i can forget how time binds our relationship and how after another ten months you’ll get bored of me and my silly jokes and move on to someone better. i can forget about the other girls whose lips are bound in time to kiss yours and i can continuously imagine how you always find your way back to me despite it all. i dont know why i drink vodka but it definately has something to do with you, my love.

vodka//nikitaguptaa

“Of course I knew. But it was my mind that knew, and it was my heart that was making the decisions.”

— Poetry At Most