“You’re The One I Want To Go On Late Night Drives With While Holding Hands And Singing Along To The

Hey, guess what?

If you have a shitty father, you’re allowed to be angry about it.

If you have a shitty father, you don’t have to love them.

If you have a shitty father, you don’t have to feel bad or guilty about being angry and not loving them.

Your feelings are VALID.

They had no right to treat you like that.

Do something nice for yourself today; you earned it.

signs you love her

1. you think she is beautiful even when she has acne all over her face and hair tied in a messy bun. you think she looks hot when she tries to be mad at you for being too hard on your self. you think she looks better than most of the human population and you think she looks best when she’s in your arms professing her love for you between sips of that bitter vodka you bought her.

2. you can’t stop thinking about her brown eyes, short black straight hair and freckled pointed nose. you can’t stop thinking of how her lips would feel against yours right this instance. you can’t stop thinking about how perfect her breasts feel in your hands. you can’t stop thinking about the late night conversation you had with her. you just can’t stop thinking about her even when you’re sipping coffee at starbucks, even when you’re watching a horror movie, even when you’re in class studying discrete math.

3. you know when she is angry, or when she is pissed at you for talking about other girls. you know what she likes to eat when she is on her period. you know when she is upset about that paper that she turned in late to her professor. you know she likes to be the centre of your attention always. you know she smiles when you hold her hand firmly in public. you know she bites her nails when she’s stressed out. you know her inside out.

4. you smile like a crazy man when you see her. you smile when someone says her name. you smile when you see a text message from her. you smile when you’re around her. you smile when people say you look good together. you smile when someone tells you she looks beautiful, like its a compliment for you and not her. you smile when she tells you she loves you. you smile when she tells you she loves to be your girl. you smile all day like an idiot and you smile until someone tells you to stop smiling because she’s not even around.

5. you talk about her to everyone, to your mom, to your bestfriend, to your room mate. you tell them everything about her. you tell them about how you read this tumblr post and it made you think of her. you tell them she’s perfect, not because of how she looks, or how smart she is, or how well she writes but because she’s yours. and only yours. you tell them how you don’t date a nine, but always a fucking ten, so yeah you tell everyone how and why she is a perfect ten.

me: *reads post about bpd*

me: true but like ???? im pretty sure im faking this disorder

me: my mood swings aren’t that terrible i don’t even think i have many

me: *has a drastic mood swing along with overwhelming emotions*

me: *feels jealous and abandoned*

me: *has flashes of reoccurring memories of people who abandoned me*

me:

me: ………..

me:

me: (: what bpd ¿

Important reminders: 

You don’t have to make amends with people who hurt you or abused you.

You don’t have to forgive them.

You don’t owe them an apology.

You don’t have to forget what they did.

You don’t have to have a relationship with them in any capacity!

You’re allowed to grieve and be angry and yell and question things.

You’re allowed to grow and heal without them.

You don’t have to seek “closure” from them. Closure can come in many different forms and ways that don’t require that person or people.

You don’t owe your abuser(s) anything. Not your money, not your time, not your energy, not your love, not your forgiveness, not your blessing. Nothing. You owe them nothing.

Neglect is abuse. It has the same effect on you. Being last on the priority list of people “have other things to worry about” is not how you grow up into an emotionally healthy person. You will accept being ignored and neglected because it’s whats expected of you. You will be grateful for crumbs of attention and seek for no more, no matter what. You will grow up dealing with every problem alone and learning to not reach out, not ask for help, not take away a second of someone’s precious time for your problems that surely couldn’t matter.

You learn to be quiet and invisible and to not show signs of pain. You learn to blame yourself for not speaking out, for suffering alone, as if you’re doing it on purpose. You learn to cope with being insignificant, because when you’re neglected, that’s a given. Surely, if you were of any importance, someone would care enough to notice, to talk to you, to see if anything’s wrong. To see if you’re drowning in depression and dissociating from the amount of pain you’re in. Surely, what you’re going thru would matter to someone.  

People who don’t care to give you attention are not people who love you and care for you. They don’t raise you, they don’t even learn who you are. And it’s only a matter of time before you fall into resignation and learn that being ignored and sent to the gates of hell to deal with demons all by yourself, is how your life will be. And the more dangerous part – if someone gives you predatory attention, if someone finds something they can use within you, something they can tear away for their own purposes – it will feel welcome, it will make you feel like finally, you’re good for something. Finally, someone is looking at you. You’ll welcome people who use and hurt you, because even that is better than to be completely and utterly abandoned and ignored by the world. Neglect will make you welcome abusers in your life, not only without caution, but with gratitude that even for a moment, you’re not feeling neglected anymore.

hey guess what…..even if you’re at a “normal” bmi….you might need to ask yourself….”can i maintain this weight without any disordered behavior?” if the answer is no….that’s not your body’s set point..!! and you will function 8 million times better once you let your body settle where it feels most comfortable. it is okay to gain weight.

We should stop making kids who already struggle fixing themselves think that it is their responsibility to fix their bullies too

“Nothing is harder than trying to find a reasonable answer to why my grades are falling. Nothing has been harder to me than trying to find a way to explain why I have no motivation. Don’t talk to me about challenging until you can sit in your room with everything you need to succeed but not feel the motivation to do any of it. I feel nothing and I don’t know how to stop it. Nothing has been harder for me than trying to force myself to care. I don’t know how to be what you want. I’m just trying to get through one day at a time. I can’t just change how I feel. I can’t just make it go away. It’s always going to be there. So I’m sorry I’m not succeeding. I’m sorry I’m not good enough. But you know what? I don’t think i ever will be. Because what you want is someone without scars and without pain. You want a daughter who doesn’t struggle and just does the right thing. That’s not me. I can’t just be perfect. I’m fighting this battle everyday to not put a blade to my skin, to not crash the car, to keep on living. But it’s not getting better and I dont know how to tell you in a way that you will understand”

— A second letter to my mom for the reasons why