“Of Course I Knew. But It Was My Mind That Knew, And It Was My Heart That Was Making The Decisions.”

Anger has an important role in human beings, protection, feeling of being valuable and worthy of protection and justice. If your anger isn’t repressed and pushed back, and someone treats you like shit, your anger immediately jumps up to protect you against bullshit. If everyone around you is treated better than you for no apparent reason (nothing you did to deserve it), your anger again jumps up and demands better for you. If someone hurts you really badly, your anger is here to let them know that nobody can get away with hurting you like that, because you matter enough to be protected from harm.

 Anger can be destructive when used wrong, like controlling someone (who is not currently presenting a threat to you), taking shit out on someone who didn’t deserve it, forcing dominance over someone who can’t fight back, and as a way of avoiding being subjected to the truth/called out for abuse. That’s mostly how abusers use it,  and why a lot of victims see it as nothing but toxic, horrible, dangerous and scary thing, and recognizing anger within themselves can give them feeling of dread and like they’re becoming abusive themselves.

Anger in victims presents a problem for abusers, and a lot of victims experience helplessness and inability to be angry or feel anger, even the thought of it makes them feel dreadful and guilty, that’s because abusers make sure in one way or another, that all of victim’s anger will be punished, until they learn they’re not allowed to be angry. This causes anger to build up, now it’s not only  one time injustice and harm has been done, it’s thousands, tens  of thousands time. This is how rage generates within a person, and any further ridicule, provocation or attack from abusers end up with them feeling infuriated, because it’s been too much for a long, long time. 

Anger being built up can eat a person from inside, and it can manifest in self harm, dissociation, numbness/blankness, depression, anxiety. Directing that anger at other people who aren’t the cause of it, doesn’t help much, even in short term it will not give out any resolution. If you haven’t been able to process and feel anger normally for years, it will feel impossible and incredibly frustrating for your body if you start feeling it, and you’ll want it to stop at any price. But, after a while, a person can go back to normal processing of anger, even though, if there’s been a lot of it, it will still mean strong, extreme bursts of rage. 

People who’ve been dealing with pent up anger have already proved to have immense self control, immense survival instincts and aren’t likely to end up  hurting others the way they’ve been hurt, what’s most important is for that anger to be directed back at the cause of it - abusers. It’s vital to develop hatred of those who would dare to harm you while you were vulnerable and unprotected,  this, is exactly what hatred is for. Only expressing anger at abusers, at their actions, their personality, their weaknesses and toxic, abusive choices will erase guilt, anxiety and get you closer to healing. 

You may have left me physically, but you never left my thoughts. I still ache, waiting for your presence. I would do absolutely anything to have you in my arms, I don’t see you coming by, so I let you live on inside my imagination. The sad truth is that I love someone that I could never be with. That’s what hurts me the most.

I really don’t like how society demonizes crying. You’re seen as weak or manipulative if you shed any tears at all about anything. People look down upon you if you cry, or think you’re “faking for attention.” Even in the media, a character learning not to cry is considered good character development, and a character who does frequently cry is portrayed as weak or cowardly. 

The truth is, crying is one of the healthiest coping mechanisms humans have for stress. It’s been scientifically proven that the chemical composition of emotional tears (compared to basal and irritant tears) purges stress hormones from the body and produces a relaxing effect at a biological level. It’s also nonviolent (more than can be said for the more socially acceptable anger response). Humans evolved to cry for a reason. 

If one isn’t allowed to cry (if they would be shamed/abused for it), the stress hormones will build up and cause illness later on. They will have to force themselves to cry because their first instinct will be to repress the tears. They wouldn’t be able to cry in front of people anymore, either. 

Go ahead and cry if you need to, for whatever reason. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. 

“I don’t miss you precisely. I miss having something to do on Friday nights, and someone’s arms to crawl into. I miss being a part of an us. And that’s an awful reason to hold on - being so afraid of being with yourself that you’ll give yourself to anyone else. We always hurt more than we healed and yet, I still find myself missing you. Loneliness takes us places that love doesn’t.”

— L.A.L. || Loneliness takes us places that love doesn’t

“I want laughter at 4am and sloppy kisses between dinner dates and hands fumbling underneath the blanket because god knows there is never a minute i can go without touching you and i want silly jokes and awkward handshakes and quiet “i love you’s” over the phone and dancing a lot of dancing i want to dance with you in an aisle at the supermarket as we both try to come up with which taco shells are betterand i want to dance with you on the night we both say i do i want to hold your hand in front of my friends and kiss your cheek when my mother asks me why i am so god damn happy all the time and i want you now,and for as long as forever with you can take me.”

— A.M// i want you always,

“It’s like when you read a novel and you’re so captivated by it that you don’t even realize you’re approaching the end of it until there are no more pages to turn. You’re left with this dreadful emptiness and aren’t quite sure what to do with yourself because while the book is finished, the story is living on inside of you.”

— This is what breaking up feels like - Jess Amelia 

Just a reminder, that no matter what you read on tumblr:

Losing weight is hard

Changing your lifestyle or fitness levels is hard

You will make mistakes

You will learn a lot about yourself and those around you

Its OK and normal to be scared that you will fail - lets talk about it

Its OK to be honest about your fears - lets talk about it

Don’t be afraid to change your method or direction if its not working

You don’t have to pretend your journey is easy to make your followers happy Be humble. Love yourself. 

I'm supposed to be asleep right now

But once again I'm in my room crying

Wishing that everything would just stop.