Look At That Cute Bald Spot! *gently Plants A Sapling, Tender Pats Every Now And Then* There There, All

I've been desperately trying to remember the way I lived or made it through a certain day, and I'm caught between trying to record every second of it or loading my gallery with pictures and holding it close to myself by trusting my peripheral vision, I can’t tell whether im trying to exploit my present, or trying to preserve the ashes of a fire that once soared high, I can’t tell if it robbed me off my sight to capture the moment or left me agape enough to not be able to process anything 

its similar to that particular situation in class, where the teacher’s writing an ideology on the board but you're so engrossed all the while taken aback that its too late to take notes, and you don't trust your memory enough to attempt to rewrite it from scratch, so you turn to your left to ask your deskmate to read it out loud for you but you bite your tongue before you speak because you know they hold a different vision, and your heart races at the prospect of never seeing that glint of passion yonder again.

“to everyone their own perception, to everyone their own vision” to some a curse, to some a gem.

I wish I could remember the past.

It seems silly to me, to not have recorded every moment of that life, that past life before chaos exploded.

How unconscious I was to think it would last forever. I used to live in that past life, wild and happy and confident.

Now, I look around, trying to find my footsteps, trying to figure out who I was, who I used to be, what I used to believe in.

It's in vain.

I can't remember.

And I don't know whether that is a curse or a blessing.

- F. A.

This is the most vulnerable I’ve been the entire year, I’m seriously not over 2021 reaching its peak this quick, hold onto me a little tighter, a little longer

~ ghosts of tulips past :: 💌

Susan Sontag - “Death Kit”

You have every right to heal and move past an event

every page of This is How You Lose the Time War drives me Insane

having to come to terms with the fact that love is not an everlasting performance in which you attempt to retain the attention of your significant other but rather a release of control and putting faith into them and trusting them to choose to stay with you no matter what you have to offer

a few from lois dodd’s fire collection