This Is The Most Vulnerable I’ve Been The Entire Year, I’m Seriously Not Over 2021 Reaching Its Peak

I've been desperately trying to remember the way I lived or made it through a certain day, and I'm caught between trying to record every second of it or loading my gallery with pictures and holding it close to myself by trusting my peripheral vision, I can’t tell whether im trying to exploit my present, or trying to preserve the ashes of a fire that once soared high, I can’t tell if it robbed me off my sight to capture the moment or left me agape enough to not be able to process anything 

its similar to that particular situation in class, where the teacher’s writing an ideology on the board but you're so engrossed all the while taken aback that its too late to take notes, and you don't trust your memory enough to attempt to rewrite it from scratch, so you turn to your left to ask your deskmate to read it out loud for you but you bite your tongue before you speak because you know they hold a different vision, and your heart races at the prospect of never seeing that glint of passion yonder again.

“to everyone their own perception, to everyone their own vision” to some a curse, to some a gem.

I wish I could remember the past.

It seems silly to me, to not have recorded every moment of that life, that past life before chaos exploded.

How unconscious I was to think it would last forever. I used to live in that past life, wild and happy and confident.

Now, I look around, trying to find my footsteps, trying to figure out who I was, who I used to be, what I used to believe in.

It's in vain.

I can't remember.

And I don't know whether that is a curse or a blessing.

- F. A.

no phone i did not “miss a call” i watched it ring the whole time

Time does not heal all wounds, time permits you with a medium to heal, and more than that you just have to allow yourself to belief the fact that this medium hasn’t been set out to pester you with constant reminders of what once was, what came your way, came your way, you saw what you saw, what detached itself from you, has detached itself from you, it’s completely understandable if it was pulled out from its roots like a patch of clothing from your chest , and it’s completely understandable if there’s a few strings left behind, their fabric implanted themselves on you, there was a bond yes that did exist, be it to whatever degree it was there, and after a while they seemed best to thread that border elsewhere, there is still a heart left behind!! All they took was a layer, maybe it’ll take a while to build it back up, SO BE IT!! Your heart is still there! Go look after it

sometimes you’re walking home and you see the brightest lily on your way, sure you weren’t expecting it but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t SUPPOSED to be there?? It came for what it did, and you let it rest, over time it grew and maybe the season had a few plans in mind and maybe the flower had to call it a day, but that wasn’t time was it? Time never robbed it off it’s will to live?? To love?? Time LET IT, it let it love and grow endlessly till it’s desirable content and it permitted the growth of innumerable other blossoms on your way right after, it is you who decides to heal and look after your sentiments because you cannot be the first person to give up on yourself, let that sink in

i think it’s wonderful the way people put themselves out there, be it their word or presence, in mind or in soul, they have my heart. We all come from our own sets of backgrounds sharing our own sets of personal experiences and I wonder who actually knows the kind of influences we have around us, to maybe keep things to ourselves or be able to lay it on the table, because it’s absolutely wonderful watching someone learning to grow past those experiences and choosing to take a step, I truly and deeply admire you for saying that and it must’ve been incredibly hard to go through those intrusive thoughts and getting till the end of the road, but I promise you I will be waiting, forever and more if it means that you’ll be taking steps to get there :) please continue doing what you do I love how we share our love and our thoughts, it’s so stupidly brave and passionate.

[transcript: 1. “any fear, any memory will do; and if you’ve got a heart at all, someday it will kill you.”

2. “survive what? you said. in the weak light you looked over your shoulder. you said, nothing ever survives.”

3. “because you want to die for love, you always have.”

4. “jesus: you think suffering is a one-way street?! it’s not! it’s the exact opposite of not!

judas: you got a lot of fuckin’ nerve—

jesus: —and you’ve got no nerve at all! where’s your heart in all this, judas? you think you were with me for any other reason than that?! it was your heart, judas. you were all heart. you were my heart! don’t you know that?!”

5. “he thought about wanting to feel like he had been made for something other than dying.”/end transcript]

rita dove, primer for a nuclear age/margaret atwood, roominghouse, winter/richard siken, planet of love/stephen adly guirgis, the last days of judas iscariot/maggie stiefvater- mister impossible

You don’t have to put on a shield at the onset of your day, but you do have to realise that you have a heart and it makes you feel, it helps you feel, and you’ll have to allow that. I repeat this is not a war, this is you living, treat yourself with care, rather than masking it under a tough exterior

getting anonymous hate (“just checking in” emails) from jealous haters (my professors) because of my hot takes (incredibly overdue assignments)

Do they like rain?

Oooh myyy goood yesss: INFJ, INFP, INTP

Do you know how long it took me to look this good?!: ESFP, ESFJ, ENTJ

IT’S RAINING?! DROP EVERYTHING WE’RE GOING OUTSIDE: ESTP, ISTP, ENTP, ENFP

But… my shoes…: ISFJ, ISTJ, ENFJ, ISFP

Meh. *turns page*: INTJ, ESTJ

I always love coming back here because every other social media platform is too loud