~ Ghosts Of Tulips Past :: 💌

Anybody who chooses to wear their vulnerability on their sleeve, never chose to hold up a sign saying “weak”, let’s get that belief out of our systems, you’re just as strong as you were before you asked for help and after you received the guidance. THAT is the belief that remains unshakable.

Handle yourself with the care and love that you yearn, you do not deserve to be beat up over an event that took a gruesome toll on you, putting up with that time was hard, dealing with the absence of so many figures was hard, having the constant fear of having nobody to reach out to was hard. And you have every right to accept that, it was completely alright to accept that you wanted to be held and loved even in a time where a version of you believed that you couldn’t. Say yes to being embraced

write to yourself. Write to yourself, a letter, for all that you have become, and for all that you will, write to yourself on the first of December, write to yourself because this is the last breath of the year that we’ll spend together before the many more we’ll take ahead. Tell that version of you in the past about all that you overcame, all that you had been looped around, all that made you break. Hold yourself through this letter, and give yourself the closure you need. Letting this be your warmest embrace, Happy first of December <3

Some of you will romanticize doing face masks together or you’ll romanticize coffee in the morning after a night of love making but no one talks about how quickly that stops being important. No one romanticizes true care and compassion.

Does your partner give you the space to discuss your feelings without making you feel like your emotions are irrational?

Do they interrupt you in front of others? Do they talk over you?

Do they give you the space to work through things on your own if need be? Do they offer you solitude without guilting you for ‘abandoning’ them?

Does your partner share responsibilities with you? Do they notice the tasks that are too much and offer to take over?

Do they ask you what you need when you’re overwhelmed? Did they take the time to learn what overwhelms you?

Do they know where you keep your medicine? Did they check to see if you’re keeping up with your hygiene? Does your health matter to them?

Raise the bar.

You’re all so much more deserving.

I’m the kind of person who’d enjoy watching someone, telling me the way around , how they’re familiarised with their surrounding , how they know the ropes , how they know the people , how they remember the time at which the mailman delivers daily letters for those at work , how they know about the girl who gets the sweetest coffee in office , how they know about mrs.Clark’s newly purchased Mary Janes, since she wanted to keep up with the trends but ended up falling in love with the pair , how they know who sits where, how they know when to approach someone or not. The overdose of empathy and familiarity in the workplace makes me feel so domestic , it’s such a content feeling seeing someone settle down and get to know others , gets me thinking who would’ve initiated conversation, the first date, the first meeting, the first party, the first get together , the first call. Their first everything, and the growth and relationships they’ve nurtured, has me fascinated.

~ Ghosts of tulips past :: 💌

You offer so much of yourself to people every day, and you still have more to give. While I’m not trying to encourage you into engaging in any behaviour that could possibly drain you, that requires a lot of effort, time and thought. I just wanted to tell you that you’re really brave to be putting up with everything by the end of the day regardless of what it has coming your way and still shooting back again, even if that means doing nothing ‘supposedly’ productive and laying in bed :)

You know at times we do overlook the simplicity of a word, and that further leads you to letting it hold the weight of the life on your shoulders. Mistake, not disappointment, failure, agony, disgrace- you know the rest you’ve said it to yourself time and time again without a doubt. Yes you have. Now think about it again, mis-take. You. Missed. A. Take. No more, no less.

I made a mistake a year and a half back, it wasn’t the kind of lie where you hide a bag of chips behind somebody’s back. It was the kind of lie that broke somebody’s trust in you. Eventually it starts to grow on you etching all the way through the small of your back, upto your spine and jamming into your skull, ultimately making you believe that you MUST NOT ever live this down.

You see a reminder is a receipt of your actions and consequences in an event, but what you might not see is that the ink on that paper dries with time, it will go away, there will be a time where you’ll pick it up and you’ll see absolutely nothing,no trace.

You are going to have endless opportunities to beat yourself up over something, but allow yourself to keep it to the short stuff, maybe a brain freeze, or when you miss your bus, a paper cut, biting your tongue when you’re too excited to speak even, so technically it’s all word v0m1t.Now I’m not here to snatch that away from you, you do that all you want, but what about that one time, that split second where you know the night is colder than usual, that split second where you’re more restless than ever, that split second where you’re twisting and turning and the air around you seems to be holding a grip on your breath, and you so desperately wish the night were warmer, if only a little, where you KNOW you’ve got nothing but yourself to hold onto?

Why would you abandon yourself? We know we’ve spoken to ourselves before, we know we’ve sat with ourselves before, but did you make an effort to reach out to that echo inside of you and hold it tight to keep it safe and sound from all the intrusive thoughts peeking through? To keep yourself warm?

Surely you’ve heard “You know what you did back there, and don’t you forget it. This time won’t be any different. I just KNOW you’re going to make the same mistake again, and if you’re too stubborn to risk it again? Who am I to stop you” but what about “you did what you did under the heat of your impulse, neither of us could’ve controlled it. It has been a while and you allowed yourself to let the event sink in with time, you were afraid, and I’m not saying what you did was right or wrong, it was understandable because you were afraid. Give yourself that validation to forgive yourself” you are LEARNING and LEARNING and you LEARN and you LEARN

And maybe that will be your taking your from it, no trophy, no award, no nothing, but your accountability, and your taking, now that’s some fancy stuff right there. I did not deserve to be beat up over an event that happened years back, but I was allowed to be afraid and to let myself feel the pressure, I was allowed to find a way, to BUILD a way out. You are allowed to channel your faith on a belief that pats you on the back and kisses your forehead because that was a very hard time, but you DO get to push through, you do not need permission. You have a RIGHT to.

You get to have just as much liberty as anybody out there who decides to put themselves forth and move forward, always

Bedroom idea from the Better Homes & Gardens Decorating Book, 1975

ykyaintpw you don't understand why people cry at films

I think I cried over a movie before…Probably because I was upset that I would never be able to experience those kinds of raw emotions first hand.

just found out that “wish you were here” in persian is ‘jāy-e shomā khālīst’ which means “your place is empty” and it felt like being stabbed in the heart 37 times