You Know At Times We Do Overlook The Simplicity Of A Word, And That Further Leads You To Letting It Hold
You know at times we do overlook the simplicity of a word, and that further leads you to letting it hold the weight of the life on your shoulders. Mistake, not disappointment, failure, agony, disgrace- you know the rest you’ve said it to yourself time and time again without a doubt. Yes you have. Now think about it again, mis-take. You. Missed. A. Take. No more, no less.
I made a mistake a year and a half back, it wasn’t the kind of lie where you hide a bag of chips behind somebody’s back. It was the kind of lie that broke somebody’s trust in you. Eventually it starts to grow on you etching all the way through the small of your back, upto your spine and jamming into your skull, ultimately making you believe that you MUST NOT ever live this down.
You see a reminder is a receipt of your actions and consequences in an event, but what you might not see is that the ink on that paper dries with time, it will go away, there will be a time where you’ll pick it up and you’ll see absolutely nothing,no trace.
You are going to have endless opportunities to beat yourself up over something, but allow yourself to keep it to the short stuff, maybe a brain freeze, or when you miss your bus, a paper cut, biting your tongue when you’re too excited to speak even, so technically it’s all word v0m1t.Now I’m not here to snatch that away from you, you do that all you want, but what about that one time, that split second where you know the night is colder than usual, that split second where you’re more restless than ever, that split second where you’re twisting and turning and the air around you seems to be holding a grip on your breath, and you so desperately wish the night were warmer, if only a little, where you KNOW you’ve got nothing but yourself to hold onto?
Why would you abandon yourself? We know we’ve spoken to ourselves before, we know we’ve sat with ourselves before, but did you make an effort to reach out to that echo inside of you and hold it tight to keep it safe and sound from all the intrusive thoughts peeking through? To keep yourself warm?
Surely you’ve heard “You know what you did back there, and don’t you forget it. This time won’t be any different. I just KNOW you’re going to make the same mistake again, and if you’re too stubborn to risk it again? Who am I to stop you” but what about “you did what you did under the heat of your impulse, neither of us could’ve controlled it. It has been a while and you allowed yourself to let the event sink in with time, you were afraid, and I’m not saying what you did was right or wrong, it was understandable because you were afraid. Give yourself that validation to forgive yourself” you are LEARNING and LEARNING and you LEARN and you LEARN
And maybe that will be your taking your from it, no trophy, no award, no nothing, but your accountability, and your taking, now that’s some fancy stuff right there. I did not deserve to be beat up over an event that happened years back, but I was allowed to be afraid and to let myself feel the pressure, I was allowed to find a way, to BUILD a way out. You are allowed to channel your faith on a belief that pats you on the back and kisses your forehead because that was a very hard time, but you DO get to push through, you do not need permission. You have a RIGHT to.
You get to have just as much liberty as anybody out there who decides to put themselves forth and move forward, always
More Posts from Binxelf and Others
Sometimes I seriously wake up, I wake up and I smile, I chuckle to no one in particular
I made it to another day, holy shit I did, I did it all by myself, I’m here with myself, I’m here for myself, I STILL HAVE ME, I have me and I need to take advantage of that, I need to selfishly adore myself, I need to put on that dress I’ve been eyeing for weeks because I CAN! It’s ridiculous of me to think there’s a rule book for it, This is boundless, it’s my body, the dress will fit ME Not the other way around, I’ll name that flower I sit across in my balcony every time I’m brewing coffee because it’s adorable, I want to take care of it, I’m holding responsibility as I bloom more and more every day, I want to reassure it that I’ll be here to water it again tomorrow, I’m here and that’s never going to change
~ ghosts of tulips past :: 💌
Empathy isn’t a requirement. You’re not required to empathise, neither is it your job to. “Oh you can’t put yourself in their shoes? That’s ALRIGHT.” It’s alright if you cant picture yourself there, don’t bonk your brain for it. Now now, Just because a person hasn’t empathised with you doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t sympathise either. You cannot expect people to have your life figured out when they’re managing to have a grip on their own. “How could they have not known?” Sometimes it’s not that easy, a person can be just as mentally absent as they’re physically present with you, consider the factors before jumping to conclusions that throws them under the bus.
⚠️ TW : (kn1ves , bl00d, g^ns , we@p0ns) ⚠️ read at own risk !!
.͙✼̥୭⁺ '🧺🖇🕊 Mafia au prompts ~
“baby you’re bleeding , it’s a nice colour on you”
“Let me see those crystal tears”
“Bold of you to assume I loved you”
“She took all the guns and for what ?!!”
“Don’t you dare step near me.”
“Oh that’s easy , (name) pass me a grenade”
“MARIA NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT BOMBS TY AND STEP DOWN FROM THAT ROOF”
“Bet all your guns and I’m in”
“Well lookie here , we’ve got ourselves a rookie ?”
“Run while you can kid”
“I bet these nails can do more than just trace your jaw sweetie”
“Hold it like this , shoulders down , this way she won’t be able to aim for your back”
“IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL A SHOT BYE THIS IS FUNNIER THAN YOU GETTING YOUR HEAD STUCK IN THE TOILET”
“Omg you did not just swallow that”
“I had to clean my hands on the sophomore’s shirt , girl has Bloody Mary written all over herself now”
“IN MY DEFENCE SHE SLAPPED ME FIRST”
“Sometimes you don’t always get what you want”
“Gimme that fucking knife-“
“She took ALL OF MY AMO ?? Oh she is on”
“Her amo is as precious as her nuggets , when I tell you she goes crazy for them , I mean crazy”
“Bet this looks better on your throat than in my pocket”
“Well haven’t you got a bull’s eye ay ?”
“I will choke you with this if I have to , do NOT TEST ME.”
“Who said victory came with an easy sacrifice ?”
“Your our’s now”
“Wipe that smirk of your face or I’ll snap you in two”
“They blowed up our warehouse and you’re more concerned about your missing ice cream ?” “Why yes yes I am”
“Well now we have nothing to fight them with but forks and butter knives because SOMEONE DUMPED OUR WEAPONS IN THE RIVER”
“We’re so done” “what makes you say that ? With me in lead we’ll catch them in no time” “you know you saying that doesn’t make it any better”
“I hope you knew that wasn’t soap-“
“The supply ? Oh .. ABOUT THAT UH-“
- - - - - - - - - - - - - .͙✼̥୭⁺ '🧺
things you can do despite your sense of guilt
- go for a walk even if you think you don’t deserve it
- have a snack even if you think you don’t deserve it
- take a break from studying even if you think you don’t deserve it
- reach out to someone even if you think you don’t deserve it
- demand, have needs and wants even if you think you don’t deserve it
- make it through the day even if you think you don’t deserve it
- feel mentally exhausted albeit seeming physically fine
- feel the sense of abandonment despite the company of those around you
- go to bed early despite not having done much according to your mental routine
- let out a deep breath even if you think you weren’t holding one back
the screen of my laptop literally lights up every time I plug in the charger I could’ve sworn I heard it SING “so this is love mmm alas the light of my life has come home” EVEN THE KEYBOARD HEATS UP AND THE COOLER JUST LOSES ITS COLLECTIVE SHIT and I have to coo in her keys saying “down girl, easy.”
I am giving I am continuing I am acknowledging I am breathing I am feeling I am admiring I am constantly processing my own thoughts and emotions, settling them in bit by bit and taking my time full and through even if it means I can’t meet somebody’s ends, even if it means they have to wait, even if it means they’re not ready to stay rooted through my steps. Because that’s ok. I am not leaving, I chose to stay, I chose to stay since day one and it is my place to stay firm on that decision, because that’s ok :) choose to stay for yourself, because that light of you has had plenty leave as it is, the last thing you’d wanna do is be one of them
Strangely so, I hold onto the stem of the daffodils, a little tighter, a little longer, cultivating a strong desire to be enveloped by their cushioned petals
Its a frightening thought, that in one fraction of a moment you can fall in the kind of love that takes a lifetime to get over.
Beau Taplin (via to-be-okay)
Dropping by to put a strong emphasis on the fact that you don’t owe anyone anything. Your emotions, your feelings, your thoughts, your opinions, shares, interests, your smile, your gaze, your EVERYTHING, you get to choose to give it on your free will, you get to decide who is deemed worthy of it, always :)
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“the flowers were dressed in nothing but light,they let me bathe in my vulnerability”
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