Strangely So, I Hold Onto The Stem Of The Daffodils, A Little Tighter, A Little Longer, Cultivating A

To those sharing every little aspect of their days?? Y’all are painstakingly adorable, it crushes me, it BREAKS me to see that smile on your face, or how your eyes light up every time you bring that one rock you saw on your way home and nurture and care for it as if you plunked it on the table from your own womb or how that one lady flashed you a smile and those beautiful wrinkles caressing her plum cheeks could tell tales that go on for days, I’m. Here. To. Hear. You. Out. Please spoil me with the abundance of your cute brain let me hear that voice again I BEG OF YOU.

To keep going regardless of being made aware of what’s to come is honestly one of, if not the bravest thing to do

Today felt long, today felt heavy, today felt strong, I wasn’t quite ready, and I think it’s ok if all I wanted to do today was wrap myself in a blanket, because I deserve to have a soft whispy sigh kept the leaf I picked up from street on the side of my pillow today

I am giving I am continuing I am acknowledging I am breathing I am feeling I am admiring I am constantly processing my own thoughts and emotions, settling them in bit by bit and taking my time full and through even if it means I can’t meet somebody’s ends, even if it means they have to wait, even if it means they’re not ready to stay rooted through my steps. Because that’s ok. I am not leaving, I chose to stay, I chose to stay since day one and it is my place to stay firm on that decision, because that’s ok :) choose to stay for yourself, because that light of you has had plenty leave as it is, the last thing you’d wanna do is be one of them

Imagine dancing around the body of a sapien in shades of crimson, just as the moon reflected the colors of their blush

You know at times we do overlook the simplicity of a word, and that further leads you to letting it hold the weight of the life on your shoulders. Mistake, not disappointment, failure, agony, disgrace- you know the rest you’ve said it to yourself time and time again without a doubt. Yes you have. Now think about it again, mis-take. You. Missed. A. Take. No more, no less.

I made a mistake a year and a half back, it wasn’t the kind of lie where you hide a bag of chips behind somebody’s back. It was the kind of lie that broke somebody’s trust in you. Eventually it starts to grow on you etching all the way through the small of your back, upto your spine and jamming into your skull, ultimately making you believe that you MUST NOT ever live this down.

You see a reminder is a receipt of your actions and consequences in an event, but what you might not see is that the ink on that paper dries with time, it will go away, there will be a time where you’ll pick it up and you’ll see absolutely nothing,no trace.

You are going to have endless opportunities to beat yourself up over something, but allow yourself to keep it to the short stuff, maybe a brain freeze, or when you miss your bus, a paper cut, biting your tongue when you’re too excited to speak even, so technically it’s all word v0m1t.Now I’m not here to snatch that away from you, you do that all you want, but what about that one time, that split second where you know the night is colder than usual, that split second where you’re more restless than ever, that split second where you’re twisting and turning and the air around you seems to be holding a grip on your breath, and you so desperately wish the night were warmer, if only a little, where you KNOW you’ve got nothing but yourself to hold onto?

Why would you abandon yourself? We know we’ve spoken to ourselves before, we know we’ve sat with ourselves before, but did you make an effort to reach out to that echo inside of you and hold it tight to keep it safe and sound from all the intrusive thoughts peeking through? To keep yourself warm?

Surely you’ve heard “You know what you did back there, and don’t you forget it. This time won’t be any different. I just KNOW you’re going to make the same mistake again, and if you’re too stubborn to risk it again? Who am I to stop you” but what about “you did what you did under the heat of your impulse, neither of us could’ve controlled it. It has been a while and you allowed yourself to let the event sink in with time, you were afraid, and I’m not saying what you did was right or wrong, it was understandable because you were afraid. Give yourself that validation to forgive yourself” you are LEARNING and LEARNING and you LEARN and you LEARN

And maybe that will be your taking your from it, no trophy, no award, no nothing, but your accountability, and your taking, now that’s some fancy stuff right there. I did not deserve to be beat up over an event that happened years back, but I was allowed to be afraid and to let myself feel the pressure, I was allowed to find a way, to BUILD a way out. You are allowed to channel your faith on a belief that pats you on the back and kisses your forehead because that was a very hard time, but you DO get to push through, you do not need permission. You have a RIGHT to.

You get to have just as much liberty as anybody out there who decides to put themselves forth and move forward, always

“God, if you’re a thing with ears: please, please.”

Elizabeth Acevedo, The Poet X

Richard Siken, War Of The Foxes

Christian Wiman, More Like The Stars

Never mind. I invented you. I invented you, as far as my purposes go. I invented loving you and I invented your death. I have my tricks and my trap doors, too.

Alice Munro, from Collected Stories; “Tell me Yes or No,”

Marina Tsvetaeva, tr. by Elaine Feinstein from, “I’m glad your sickness.”

Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Sarah Kane, 4.48 Psychosis

“(…) and then there’s the silence that comes back, a million times bigger than me, sneaks into my bones and wails and wails and wails until I can’t be quiet anymore.”

Ada Limón, Bright Dead Things; The Quiet Machine

H.D., The Look-Out

Akosua Afiriyie-Hwedie, In My Version

Lucille Clifton, The Death of Crazy Horse

repetition in poetry // part v

(part i) (part ii) (part iii) (part iv)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, let. People. Feel. Their. Grief. Often at times we don’t want someone to sweep us off our feet. We don’t want someone to put a smile on our face. We don’t want someone to shove our favourite ice cream down our throats or for that matter blast our favourite songs right from the speaker. We want to acknowledge how hurt we are often because we feel as though others would not even spare us a glance, your intention matters a lot, yes it was very sweet of you to do that but it may not have been very smart, be patient and I mean this in the sweetest way possible. Sometimes we’re just not ready. We require some time, that is all

Bedroom idea from the Better Homes & Gardens Decorating Book, 1975