As Someone Who Recently Had To Make A Tuna Pasta Salad That My Mom Loves Again, I Agree With Preserving

Gotta reblog for the sake of Employment Jelly. :3

Omg! Thank you so much for this! I love it!

Well since requests are open, may I request prompts 2 & 8 with Yandere Malleus? He courts her & asks if she wants to be his queen, to which she says yes. He's ecstatic about this, but he later learns that this was because she was scared of him hurting anyone, especially her friends.

Koko ni Iru

You could never get used to this. Not really. As flattering as it was to have countless of dresses and jewelry right under your fingertips, it came with a certain expectation. A responsibility to repay all the money spent on your clothes and accessories alone, and you hadn’t even counted other special yet conditional treatments you received.

Because a stranger, especially an alien like you, didn’t deserve this kind of wealth. Let alone ruling myriads of dark creatures and humans.

“You look gorgeous, darling.”

You gasped softly and tensed when a pair of arms enveloped you from behind. Just like how you could never truly get used to being a queen, you weren’t used to being the recipient of Malleus’ affection too. It just felt… wrong. Sure, you loved him, but as a friend! He was this awkward gentleman that you couldn’t help but adore, and you even sacrificed half of your resting time just to meet him at night.

So, then, why did he have to break your trust? Why did he have to hurt you with his feelings? Why did you have to suffer for your kindness?

“Thank you.”

You toyed with the emerald pendant on your neck. Sometime after your friendship had fully established, Malleus began to give you lots of presents. Clothes, jewelry, and occasionally small services like fixing the holes on the ceiling. There were also times when he brought you strange yet magical things that worth more than your life. The latter reminded you of a cat sometimes, and that was perhaps one of your mistakes; believing he was as harmless as a cat.

Because even a cat wasn’t without its claws.

Except he didn’t scratch you. He would never scratch you, but your friends weren’t an exception. And if let loose, he might attack other people too. That was why you agreed with this arrangement. Another reason was to repay your debt for accepting his gifts, because no matter how generous he was as a friend, he was still a fae and you couldn’t trust a fae.

“What are you thinking about?”

Many, many things. Things that you couldn’t fully tell him even if you tried, because that meant you’d have to suffer more and you weren’t ready for it.

“… Just the future.”

“Aw… are you scared?” he chuckled in your ear and leaned forward even more until he rested his chin on your shoulder. His hand stroked your cheek, and had you were in a different situation, you would’ve closed your eyes blissfully and melted at his touch. “Don’t fret. Everything will be fine. We will have a big family and we will have our own happy ending.”

You gripped his arm. Happy ending… did it even exist? You’d always known that you’d be stuck in Twisted Wonderland forever, what’s with Crowley disappointing you over and over again, but it hadn’t truly dawned on you until Malleus forced you to marry him. Still, life was infinitely better when you had your friends beside you.

Not in here, where you sat on the dressing table clad in a royal attire that was too heavy and too thick and too crushing. Not in here, where your other seniors became guards and protected you against anything and anyone who harmed or saved you. Not in here, where your husband and captor cradled you from behind like vines that sprouted from the tower.

And although you did this for the sake of your friends, it didn’t mean you weren’t sad.

“Don’t cry. Tears don’t suit you.”

Unknowingly, a tear slipped from your lash and Malleus quickly wiped it away. A trace of white powder clung to his gloved finger like a stain, a drug he’d gladly consume over and over again if it meant he could drown in the euphoria of love. Of what he thought was love.

Or perhaps he’d always known it wasn’t love, but choose to ignore it instead. After all, why should he concern himself with the semantics? You were here, and that was all mattered.

“You’ve been doing so well, after all. And I hate to see you in anything other than a smile. So, for the sake of your friends…”

Slowly, you raised your head.

“Won’t you smile for me, my love?”

And smile, you did.

For the sake of your friends.

(Y/n): (Mumbles after they stub their toe against some furniture) Fuck me...

Malleus: (Looks at (Y/n) with a seductive look on their face) Well that can be arranged, my love.

(Y/n): (Realizes that Malleus heard what they've said) WAIT! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

Malleus, we all love you, but WOW are you a dumbass. Then again, that's part of why you're so loveable.

Hii! I just had an idea that I just randomly thought and wanted to share it with you HAHAHAHAH what if Malleus will have an opportunity to get to taste our famous Filipino street food which is Ice Scramble (Iskrambol)? I think he would love it +0+

Actually, rather than the dairy queen type of ice cream, Malleus' favorite is directly stated to be shaved ice in the JP ver.

So yes, he'd guzzle that pink mf so fast he'd beat a toilet bowl in a water sucking competition. A cart full of this thing? Practically only a glass for him.

He'd inhale that in 30 seconds and he'd suddenly feel weirder and sicker with each minute that passes. You would be the first to realize that he's severely overhydrated so now you're hand feeding him SALT to dehydrate this water balloon of an idiot dragon. His pee would be freaking PINK you'd think a unicorn drowned in the damn toilet.

He'd still get some the next day though, only this time he's banned from buying out the entire stock.

To anyone who's been dealing with this heinous individual, I'm so sorry. Please don't let them deter you from making &/or enjoying Kirby content. This is not how the Kirby fandom is like & they must be reported & blocked on sight every single time.

Tumblr staff, is there any way to IP ban this person? They've done nothing but spamming people's asks with art requests & sending them very graphic threats if said requests are ignored. Other people can describe how awful they are better than I can, but that's the most basic summary I can provide.

Stop. Just stop.

You're pissing off the entire Kirby community.

Sending me a message saying that you're leaving Tumblr forever and then sending me this 10 hours later is not convincing. I'm not stupid.

Grow up. Get out.

Anyways, just a PSA to my followers that are also Kirby bloggers that this guy may try to get into your good graces by sending you DMs with a sob story saying they're leaving Tumblr or hope that everybody forgot what they did to my pal Ferah and try to get art from other people.

This is not a good person. Block them on sight.

PLEASE, OH PLEASE LET THIS BECOME AN ACTUAL ANIME!

You know those anime meta posts along the lines of “I was born with pink hair. The doctors told my parents I was a Main Character and ever since my life has not known peace from demons/spirits/sports competitions/harems who find me”

Well I see that, and I raise you this:

An anime boy whose appearance is, by absolutely anyone’s account, completely and utterly average. Mundane hair. Mundane eyes. Not even glasses to set him the tiniest bit apart. A simple, unmemorable, unrecognizable civilian among a backdrop of millions.

And he has a lot of passions, and a lot of ambitions, which he hones every chance he gets. He’s dabbled in sports and archery and cooking and just about anything you could wrap a competition around. And he’s competed in many of these. Every chance he gets. With all of his passion and all of his might.

He’s crushed by the competition every single time.

Until one day–one day something clicks for him. Something that should have seemed obvious from the start and yet never was–as though everyone, including himself, was unwittingly blind to it. It clicks, when he realizes every kid who’s beaten him in competition, every kid who’s gone on to fame and glory and acclaim, has been some candy-haired gel-spiked ridiculously-dressed fucker. 

There’s some trend there that this Main Character boy can’t explain and can’t understand but he decides, this one time, fuck it. He’ll play along too. He’s got a model train competition in four days, and he’s got nothing more to lose. He hits up the department store, buys the pinkest, noxious-est, fruitiest hair dye he can find, the spikiest hair gel available, and the gaudiest clothes on the thrift rack. He enters the model train competition looking like a bubble gum gijinka.

And he wins.

Suddenly, the other candy-haired contestants notice him. They talk to him. They pledge rivalries. Girls notice him. Judges applaud him. Acclaimed model train aficionados offer him internships across the world. He’s hit on something. 

The main cast expands to cover just about every candy-hair cliche in the book: from the mostly-normal-looking demure school girl with the blue hair to the Naruto-est, yelling-est boy with the red-and-green spiked hair. The cool megane senpais, the purple haired tsunderes, suddenly everyone is interested in him. They’re prodigies and upstarts and underdogs and they truly believe that this main character boy is one of them.

So the main character boy maintains his ruse. He touches up his roots at dawn every morning and carefully attends to his gelled spikes and tells absolutely no one about this great, uncanny, unfathomable secret he’s stumbled upon. He wins his competitions left and right. He racks up the acclaim. He’s hailed as a prodigy of all trades, just now bursting onto the scene, and boils to the top of all his candy-haired peers.

He’s rising up, his every dream within his grasp. Until one day he gets a note under his door, taped to an old picture of his Normal Boring self from middle school, that says “You don’t belong”

spikemuth send off

Yes, I made this shitty edit. No, I’m not giving y’all the context for this.

I honestly love this! It puts me in a good mood as I'm starting my winter intersession classes.

In which Grim's bragging causes the whole school to become aware of (Y/n)'s amazing cooking skills — to the point where everyone wants to try her cooking now.

Request by @azureflame.

"(Y/n) always cooks for me! And her food is delicious, too!"

Grim had his chest puffed out when Ace and Deuce leaned across the table to take in the delicious smell wafting over to them. Their eyes were glossed over, and they looked like mindless zombies when they were about to instinctively grab the lunch box he held in his paws. Luckily, the cat monster managed to jump out of their way before they could steal his lunch.

That's when the duo snapped out of their trances again, being pulled back into reality by the loud chattering and noises within the cafeteria.

Ace looked down at his stomach to find it rumbling, which didn't go away when he looked at the dreary cafeteria food. His eyebrows furrowed in exasperation, he cried out, "(Y/n) makes you food, Grim?"

The cat monster nodded in happiness as he pulled out a fork you had given him and threw it over his head. As if he would ever use cutlery with these paws of his. Instead, he grabbed the entire box and dug his face into it, causing his two Heartslabyul friends to shy away in disgust. "Yeah! She always says I have to eat a lot if I want to become the greatest mage of all one day!" he murmured after he had finished the rice with tuna. Yet, green bits of vegetables remained, and he eyed them in dismay. "Until then, I have to eat my daily portions of broccoli..."

A fond smile appeared on Deuce's face. "My mom always made me eat broccoli, too..."

Ace punched Deuce's shoulder before raising his hands into the air proudly. "Deuce and I are big boys now." Then, he sent Grim a sly grin and crossed his arms. "No one is forcing us to eat vegetables."

Deuce let out a huff, rolling his eyes. "Riddle always tells you to eat your carrots though—"

"Shut up. Grim doesn't need to know that," Ace hissed while whacking Deuce over the head. As the blue-haired teen rubbed his head in pain, his other friend turned to the cat monster again, the arrogant grin quickly having dissolved into something akin to desperation. "Anyway, can we try her cooking? Just out of curiosity, of course."

Grim, after having swallowed the broccoli, nodded. "Sure! I'm sure she'll whip something up for you two easily."

"Count us in."

The three boys slowly turned their heads into the direction where that voice had come from, only to find all the dorm leaders and standing by the end of their table, all of their eyes focused on the cat monster and the empty lunch box in his paws. Immediately, panic became evident in the three first-years' eyes, all of them fearing that they would be punished for some misdemeanor again.

"Huh—?" Grim choked out nervously. "When did you guys get here?"

Leona waved him off and yawned. "I'm not sure if the herbivore's food is better than what Ruggie usually gets me, but if meat is involved, then I'm in," he murmured, not waiting for a reply before he turned around and returned to his table, where he put plugs into his twitching ears before nestling his head into his arms to take a nap.

"But—" the cat monster tried to protest, but was cut off by another dorm leader.

"Are her tarts as good as Trey's?" Riddle asked with a quirked eyebrow.

Cater's eyes shone in excitement as he turned to his dorm leader and grabbed him by the shoulders. "I can see it happening already: The Great Bakeoff: Twisted Wonderland Edition!" he cried out in happiness before turning around and dragging Riddle away. "Oh— that's gonna bring in so many views!"

Grim's ears were starting to hurt with how many people were talking at once, and none of them seemed to pay him any attention, too! So this must be how you felt all the time when spending time with Deuce, Ace, and him.

"Would she be interest in working at the Mostro Lounge as a cook?" Azul asked with a little grin on his face, already counting the Madol he would make in his head.

Grim bared his teeth at him. "Back off, she's my cook!"

"I pay well."

Grim's aggressiveness immediately vanished and was replaced by a smile. "Alright, you can have her!"

"Oh— oh!" Kalim butted in and took the cat's paws into his. "Do you think she can make curry?"

"I think so—"

Squeals of excitement escaped Kalim's lips. "What splendid news! Please ask her to make me something, too. But put a lot of spices into it! I don't like bland food... and a lot of people from the other dorms tend to only add salt and pepper to their food, sadly."

Vil tilted his head to the side. "How about smoothies?" he asked, to which Grim couldn't help but nod in disgust. So many times had he tried your weight-loss smoothies, but nothing could beat regular tuna. The Pomefiore dorm leader seemed satisfied with his answer. "Add me to the list of orders, please."

"Wait, it's a list already—?" A frustrated huff escaped the cat's throat. "Help, I can't keep track of everything!"

"Don't worry, I got the whole conversation recorded. I can send it to you later," it came from the floating tablet, Idia's frail voice ringing out from the speakers. "As for me... c-could (Y/n) make me... make me..." He trailed off, the gap growing longer and longer as he tried to think of something. Yet, when his mind became completely blank, he cried out in defeat and embarrassment. "By the Great Seven, why must I always be like this when ordering?!"

When Malleus stepped up behind Grim, the cat monster felt every hair on his body stand up in something akin to fear. "If I may," Malleus began, his large shadow looming over the shaking cat, "can I ask for my Child of Man to make me something sweet?"

That was enough — too many people trying to talk to him at once. A scowl on his face, Grim jumped up from his seat and climbed onto the table to wave his short arms around in the air. Much to his luck, he was able to draw everyone's attention, causing them to quiet down and look at him expectantly. Taking a deep breath, Grim began, "You know what." A mischievous smile made it's way to his lips. "You can all get your food— for a certain price."

"How many Madol do you want?" Azul asked while pushing his glasses up.

The grin on the cat monster's face grew at that question. "No, no. The great Grim doesn't deal in Madol," he exclaimed and clapped his hands together. "He deals in tuna cans!"

Honestly, my response would've been something like "I BARELY have enough money to buy food because of Crowley's cheap ass. No way in hell would I spend money over clothes if it means I go to bed starving."

If Vil's gonna make me feel bad about my appearance, I'm gonna let him know how much of a privileged jackass he sounds like. I'd walk away immediately so he wouldn't be able to respond.

Rook: Are you alright, Roi du Poison?

Vil: What do you think?

Epel: Obviously not, but— *starts wheezing*

Vil: *frowns*

*a few hours ago*

Vil: *criticizing MC for their choice of clothes* You look like an insect walking around the campus.

MC: *that type of person who only likes to wear sweaters and pants or big t-shirts and pajamas*

Vil: You are a student of a prestigious school. So you should act like one—

MC: *smacks him with a fly swatter*

Vil: *his eyes widened in shock*

MC: Bzz! Bzz! *as they walk away from him*

Vil: ...

Vil: You LITTLE!