Yes, I Made This Shitty Edit. No, I’m Not Giving Y’all The Context For This.

Pater Meus (Part 1)

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Characters: Lilia, Malleus, (Y/n) (gender neutral) & miscellaneous characters

Word count: 1,039 words

Warnings: Death of parents, mention of blood, mention of stab wounds, mention of robbery, police officers (no police brutality) bodies/corpses

Author’s Note: Pater Meus is Latin for “My Father.” Also, (M/m/n) means "Mother's maiden name.”

“Now wait just a moment, little one” said Lilia to (Y/n). “I’ll have your milk warmed up for you.”

Despite not understanding what Lilia had just said, hearing the word “milk” was enough to make (Y/n) happy.

The only person in the kitchen who wasn’t happy was Malleus. It wasn’t that he disliked children. On the contrary, he thought they were the most precious beings in existence. What was upsetting him was not knowing how & why Lilia came into possession of (Y/n). As far as he’s aware, Lilia doesn’t have any partner, so the chances of them being related are slim to none. As much as it pained Malleus to interrupt this blissful moment, he had to know the truth. “Lilia. I must inquire about how you came into possession of this adorable infant” asked Malleus.

No response came from Lilia as he was too busy humming a tune while warming a small cauldron of milk.

“Lilia. I know you can hear me. Answer my question” said Malleus with a hint of frustration in his tone.

Lilia, heading over to the food storage, chirped to himself “You know. I wonder if they’ll like mashed peas. They appear to be old enough to have some.”

“Lilia.”

“Oh, I can’t wait to see what foods (Y/n) will love!”

“Lilia!”

“Maybe I can also give them some-”

“LILIA!”

Annoyed, Lilia turned around & looked at Malleus. “What do you want?”

Satisfied that Lilia’s finally paying attention to him, Malleus calmed down. “What I want to know is why all of a sudden, you’re taking care of that child.”

“What’s wrong with taking care of a child” asked Lilia, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Nothing, Lilia. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with providing love & care for a child” said Malleus as Lilia walked past him with some peas & carrots.

“Then there’s nothing more to discuss about little (Y/n).”

Being completely dumbfounded by Lilia’s behavior, Malleus asked himself what happened to (Y/n)’s biological parents. As the two faes returned to the kitchen, Malleus wondered if they'd willingly given up their child to Lilia. That seemed unlikely as he was being defensive when being asked about (Y/n)’s origin. An extremely unfortunate event must have befallen their parents in order for Lilia to be their new guardian. As much as it pained Malleus to accuse Lilia of anything, he had no other choice. “Lilia? Did you… murder (Y/n)’s parents?”

.

.

.

“They were already dead when I met (Y/n).”

“… What” Malleus tried his best to speak, but he was too stunned to do so. “How?”

“Here’s how I remembered the events that transpired several months ago” Lilia stated before telling his story on how he met (Y/n)

Several months ago…

The cry of an infant. A sound Lilia had least expected when traversing a forest, yet that is exactly what he heard. Before entering the clearing where the cry was coming from, Lilia detected the scent of blood.

Upon entering the clearing, Lilia saw a pair of humans brutally stabbed with several torn bags around their bodies. “Whatever they’ve had, it must’ve been valuable enough for someone to murder them for it” Lilia thought to himself before noticing a medallion that the presumed mother wore. “The House of (M/m/n). I remembered one of their ancestors fighting valiantly in the last war the Valley of Thorns has had.” Before he could speculate as to how this gruesome crime scene could’ve happened, Lilia decided to call a few police officers from the closest town to investigate it.

After a few days, they were able to identify (Y/n)’s parents as well as the identities of the perpetrators thanks to their advanced magic. It was only a matter of catching them.

“Officer. What exactly shall happen to the child?” asked Lilia.

“We’ll have to see if their parents have left a will stating who shall take in the child upon their passing. If not, we’ll have to contact their closest relatives about the situation. If by this point we still can’t find anyone willing to take them in, they’ll end up in the foster care system” replied the officer.

Putting a hand to his chest, Lilia declared himself as (Y/n)’s guardian should there be no one willing to raise them.

“You are aware of the lengthy process in order to adopt a child, correct?” asked the officer. “Not only that, there’s also the chance that several of this child’s family members will want to be their guardian.”

“That doesn’t matter to me. This poor child had their parents taken away from them & I wish to provide them with as much love & care as possible” stated Lilia with passion like no other.

“Right. Let’s see what the Family Court has to say” the officer murmured.

End of flashback…

Upon hearing the entire story, Malleus was left speechless. How could he respond to all of this? He simply couldn’t.

“Unfortunately for (Y/n), none of their relatives seemed interested in adopting them” Lilia told Malleus.

“That’s stupid” Malleus slammed his fist on the table, causing (Y/n) to cry. “(Y/n) is a delightful, sweet infant! I swear when I find the ones who killed (Y/n)’s parents, there’ll be hell to pay!”

“Malleus! That’s enough” yelled Lilia as he scooped (Y/n) into his arms. “The officers got this under control. They’ll find the criminals soon enough.” Before bottle feeding (Y/n) their milk, Lilia soothed their nerves by talking sweetly to them.

Malleus clenched his fists at the thought of these scumbags roaming the world freely. “But what if they don’t find them, Lilia? What if these filthy beasts get away with this? They should experience the same pain (Y/n)’s parents felt in their final moments.”

“While I agree with your sentiments, we shouldn’t get involved in this situation. We would both face consequences far greater than we could ever handle” Lilia warned Malleus.

In response, Malleus sighed & slumped in his chair. How it pained him greatly to know that he couldn’t avenge (Y/n)’s parents.

Lilia, seeing his prince in a foul mood, handed (Y/n) to him after they were done drinking their milk.

Seeing (Y/n) brought a small smile to Malleus’s lips. “Worry not, little one. You’re in good hands.”

HOW ABOUT WE DON'T SUPPORT THIS STUPID ASS BILL?!

🚨🚨🚨URGENT PLEASE READ AND REBLOG

dec 13, 2022

we literally have just a few days to act. the senate is debating about putting KOSA, the Kids Online Safety Act, into the omnibus spending bill. if it is added, it WILL pass. despite the title and content of the bill seeming to be about protecting kids, we know everytime someone claims they are "saving the children" they have more sinister goals

which is why Senator Blumenthal is working with one of the biggest transphobes in the senate, Marsha Blackburn, to force this bill through, and claiming they are listening to LGBT voices when they are blatantly ignoring us.

essentially this bill gives every state attorney generals the power to remove anything they deem 'harmful' to kids online. you can see how a state like Texas or Florida would run with that, yes? it also forces you to upload your government ID online to access the internet. the bill will create a 'commission' led by handpicked members of the govt to oversee what is and isn't allowed online. it will lead to mass censorship of anything related to race or LGBT content. in a post-Roe world too? say goodbye to any abortion/sex-related info.

they are doing a shit ton of PR for this, including claiming they are listening to LGBT voices. i mean just look.

two weeks ago, 90+ human rights, LGBT, and tech orgs signed onto an open letter telling Senators NOT to pass this bill. in response, over 230 orgs led by the American Psychological Association signed a letter urging senators to. it's really fucking bad. like i can't sleep because of this. i didn't expect this to happen. we really really need people to speak up.

if this bill goes through it will literally kill off the internet as we know it

sign the open letter and petitions against KOSA here

the best way to fight against this bill is to call these specific senators (if you have dem senators, call them too)

maria cantwell (202) 224-3441

chuck schumer (202) 224-6542

nancy pelosi (202) 225-4965

call script below:

Hello Senator __:

My name is _, and I strongly urge you to oppose the dangerously misguided KOSA bill from being added to the omnibus spending bill. Bills like this should not be included in spending bills. Over 90 human rights and LGBT organizations have spoken out against this bill.

KOSA gives state attorney generals full power to sue any website if they see it has anything that is “inappropriate for children”'. For the past year, Republicans claimed everything LGBT is “grooming” children and we ended up with a shooting in Colorado and bomb threats sent to hospitals, NO senator should support a bill with vague phrasing like this. Before that, they successful removed books on race due to "CRT". This gives them a pass to do this to the entire internet. KOSA will only lead to more harm towards minorities and LGBT youth across the nation by censoring everything online.

The Heritage Foundation said they will use KOSA to target LGBT kids, specifically trans kids. In a post-Roe world, they will even use KOSA to censor resources on abortion. Anything they dislike will be targeted.

A bill this huge and this impactful should not be added to any spending bill. Even if it was a small bill, it has nothing to do with the omnibus spending bill and shouldn't be added at ALL. It needs more time being discussed. There should be hearings on it as well

We all care about kids mental health. We all want to hold Big Tech accountable, but this is NOT it. This will give Big Tech more power while taking away resources from the most vulnerable children. It is not the solution.

Please, do NOT support this bill. Do the right thing, and VOTE NO on KOSA.

Gotta reblog for the sake of Employment Jelly. :3

I wouldn't mind having this happen to me.

OKAY OKAY HEAR.ME.OUT. what if reader never get approved as queen and Malleus's grandma force him to marry a girl from a noble family. So instead of become a queen Malleus ask her to become an official Mistress , and she agreed ( because she love him ofc) but then here everything went down, Malleus become very possessive of the reader. she can't go out from the mistress palace and only selected maids will be serving her. Every night , malleus will go to mistress palace instead of the empress. reader become the rumoured mistress, everyone knew he have a missress but no one knew her face . Even the mistress palace is rumoured to be extravagant with the king's gift but it's completely opposite with the empress the king doesn't even touch her. Soon the first child were born , it's the reader child and the empress have no choice but to adopt it and the prince become the crown prince. The empress decide she have enough and wanted to paid a visit to the mistress. But instead of mad the empress took liking of her and they get along during their secret meeting. One day reader ask the empress if she could help her escape but then the empress finally confess she also in love with the reader the same way Malleus do and Malleus already know about her feeling SKSKSKKS (imagine bro yandere malleus x misress y/n x yandere empress)

expect yandere malleus and yandere empress to collab together to keep mistress y/n from running away :D

mistress y/n's son will definitely be crown prince. yandere empress will pamper the son and mistress y/n so much, yandere malleus will need to step up his game and throw in more attention and gifts just so that mistress y/n will have her eyes on yandere malleus.

mistress y/n is definitely in distress. she thought that the empress will help her... instead of helping yandere malleus.

now, the amount of bodyguards needed to guard mistress y/n has been doubled. it's quite safe to say that the king and empress(or queen) of briar valley only have their eyes on mistress y/n.

mistress y/n > everything

maybe mistress y/n should just give up and live a luxurious life within the castle walls with her two "lovers" and son.

My vibes? Good.

My life? Still in shambles, but less shitty.

Hotel? Trivago.

A Fae’s Snowy Celebration (Part 2)

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Characters: Malleus, (Y/n) (gender neutral), Grim, Lilia & other miscellaneous characters

Pairing: Malleus x (Y/n) (gender neutral)

Word count: +4K

Warnings: None

Author’s note: I’m so sorry for not posting this sooner, everyone!

After finding a travel suitcase for (Y/n) & Grim, Lilia returned to the Ramshackle dorm.

(Y/n) thanked Lilia & started packing everything they could.

“As I’ve said earlier, we’ll be heading over to the Mirror Chamber tomorrow morning. Don’t worry about setting an alarm as I, Silver, Sebek & Malleus, will pick you both up” said Lilia as he explained the plans for tomorrow.

“I can’t thank you & Tsunotarou enough for this. Every time I thought of everyone but Grim & I having fun over the holidays, I just got more depressed” replied (Y/n) in a sad tone.

“Same with me! The Great Grim refused to accept spending the holidays with meager rations & shivering from the cold” yelled Grim.

“You’re welcome, you two” said Lilia before looking at (Y/n). “Before you met Malleus, he never had the chance to enjoy his vacations.”

“Oh? Well I’m glad that he’ll be looking forward to spending this one with me. It’s unfortunate that he had to wait for so long” said (Y/n).

“I agree. His reaction to you two accepting his invitation was something I had hoped for so long” said Lilia. “I hope you can give Malleus a winter vacation that he’ll fondly remember” requested Lilia before teleporting back to his dorm.

The next day…

It was at the crack of dawn that the Diasomnia quartet decided to head over to the Ramshackle dorm to pick (Y/n) & Grim up. Malleus led the way with a huge smile on his face knowing that he won’t spend this holiday break all by himself (again). Upon reaching the Ramshackle dorm, Malleus knocked on the door with a new, profound energy. “Child of Man~! Are you awake yet?”

“HUMAN! DO NOT IGNORE THE YOUNG MASTER” shouted Sebek as he always does.

“Hush now, Sebek. They might be barely awake” said Lilia.

“I wouldn’t blame them for not wanting to get out of bed so early. This chilly weather makes me want to sle-” said Silver before sleeping while standing. Lilia started to try & wake up Silver which took a lot of effort on his part.

“DoOr’S AlReAdY OpEnEd!” yelled (Y/n) in the most ridiculous voice possible.

Lilia tried his absolute best not to laugh while in the presence of Malleus.

As Malleus opened the door, he made his way to the lounge room where he saw his dear (Y/n) yawning.

“Child of Man. I apologize for having you wake up so early, but I simply cannot wait to take you to my homeland” said Malleus before giving (Y/n) a tender kiss on their forehead.

“No worries, Tsunotarou.” said (Y/n) before letting out a yawn & grabbing their suitcase. “Let’s go!”

“Of course. Let us be on our merry way” said Malleus while he, (Y/n) & Grim left the Ramshackle dorm together.

As everyone entered the Mirror Chamber, they were surprised to see a lot of students standing around & chatting before letting the Mirror of Darkness transport them to another place.

“Woah! There’s a lot more people here than I thought” exclaimed Grim as he’s looking around the room & seeing tons of students.

“I was honestly expecting only a handful of students besides us. I’m guessing they’re too excited for the holidays to stay on campus for much longer” said (Y/n) before spotting the other first years. “Ace! Deuce! Epel! Jack!”

The aforementioned first years rushed over & began conversing with (Y/n). Topics ranged from what foods everyone will have from which relatives will be visiting their home. The atmosphere of the room could not be any more jubilant as everyone in the room were having similar conversations. All except Sebek.

“EVERYONE, CLEAR THE WAY! THE NEXT HEAD OF THE VALLEY OF THORNS, ALSO A NOBLE AND GREAT WIZARD, MALLEUS DRACONIA IS HERE” yelled Sebek as he demanded that Malleus & the rest of his group go through the Mirror of Darkness first.

“Sebek, please stop speaking so loudly. You’ll upset everyone in here” warned Silver as some students were already whispering to each other.

“Man, does this asshole ever shut up? He’s so annoying” whispered one student to his friend.

“I’m surprised that his vocal cords haven’t given up on him already. I only ever hear him yell” replied the student’s friend.

“And so it begins already…” muttered (Y/n) as they’re suffering from second-hand embarrassment.

“Sebek. That’s enough already” said Lilia.

Not wanting to fall victim to Malleus’s magic, everyone promptly moved out of his way. He & the rest of his group walked closer to the Mirror of Darkness waiting for it to transport them to the Valley of Thorns.

“Goodbye, everyone! I’ll make sure to get you all a belated Christmas present” said (Y/n) as they waved goodbye to their fellow first years. They quickly rush over so as to not incur Sebek’s wrath.

At the entrance of Malleus’s castle…

“Fnagh! This place is even scarier up close” shrieked Grim.

As rude as Grim’s comment was, (Y/n) couldn’t help but agree with him. Everything about the castle was a cause for trepidation. Many vines clung to the castle walls, the grotesques have seen better days, the colors lacked any vibrancy & the sky was dark.  The only source of light, aside from a few torches, was the moon.

“This place is scary looking. Miles better than the Ramshackle dorm though…” muttered (Y/n). They take a step back to get a good look at the castle’s tallest towers & gulp from sheer nervousness.

“Fear not, my love. The outside of this castle may look intimidating, but rest assured that the inside is absolutely lovely. I can show you if you’d like” replied Mallues as he wraps an arm around (Y/n)’s shoulders. He hoped that (Y/n) wouldn’t leave already. Just when he was going to spend the holidays alone once again, they appeared.

“Ah! They’re here” said Lilia in excitement.

“Who” asked (Y/n). They look ahead & see some maids & butlers approach the group. As they greet Malleus & Lilia & take everyone’s bags, a maid gives (Y/n) an odd look before slowly taking their luggage. (Y/n) wondered if they’ve offended them in some manner.

As everyone’s getting comfortable in their rooms, Malleus paid (Y/n) & Grim a little visit.

“My love, I regret to inform you that I cannot be with you for a short while. I’ll be discussing a few important matters with my grandmother first” said Malleus in a sad tone.

“It’s no big deal, Tsunotarou. I’m sure your grandmother would want to talk to you again after not seeing you for who knows how long. We can wait” said (Y/n) as they pull out a book Malleus once gave them.

Satisfied that (Y/n) is not upset, Malleus nods & heads over to the throne room along with Lilia.

At the throne room…

“My dear grandson” said the queen as she almost finished her conversation with Malleus. “Before we part ways for the time being, I’d like to know a little bit about the human you’ve invited here”

An immense blush formed on Malleus’s face. “They’re such a kind, sweet person.” The increasing pace of his heartbeat caused him to hold his hands on his chest. “They always partake in my nightly strolls around campus & make sure to invite me to any event, big or small. Even if they don’t fully understand the things I talk about, they’re always willing to listen. Likewise, I give them my undivided attention to their stories, especially the ones of their past. To think that they trust me enough to show their vulnerable side warms my heart to no end.” As much as Malleus wanted to continue praising (Y/n), he was too focused thinking about them to continue.

Seeing her grandson act this way caused the queen to chuckle. “I can see clearly that you love them so dearly. If possible, I would like to converse with them during the Christmas party so that I may know them more.”

“Of course, grandmother! I’ll see to it that you get to meet them on that day” said Malleus with nothing but pure excitement in his voice.

Prior to his first encounter with (Y/n), Malleus treated every day of his life with little interest. To him, it was all the same: people avoided him, he excelled in all of his classes & so on and so forth. It was thanks to (Y/n) that all of that changed. When Malleus realized that no other individual made him feel so alive, that’s when he knew he had to court (Y/n). Therefore, getting his grandmother to approve him marrying (Y/n) was his utmost priority. For now, he’d show (Y/n) & Grim a few places on what could potentially be their future home.

While the meeting between Lilia, Malleus & his grandmother was approaching its end…

“Agh! I can’t stand around doing nothing for so long” yelled Grim as he was getting rather antsy.

“I understand that Malleus has been talking to his grandma for a while, but you must understand that he probably hasn’t had the chance to do so after some time. I’d spend some time catching up with her too if I was in his position” said (Y/n)

“Well I’m neither you nor Malleus! I’m gonna explore the castle by myself” yelled Grim as he left their room.

“Grim, wait” yelled (Y/n) with worry before putting their book down.

Both (Y/n) & Grim were running around the halls of Malleus’s castle, thus causing a lot of noise. As (Y/n) tried to catch Grim, they vehemently apologized to any staff member they ran across & asked them for help in catching him. However, every one of them either shied away from them or simply expressed their annoyance toward what was happening.

Grim entered a dark room & (Y/n) couldn’t tell if they were lucky or unlucky. Regardless, they followed him inside.

“I don’t want to hear your excuses, Grim. Let’s go back to our room before Malleus knows that we’re gone & panics” said (Y/n) with anger before coughing. After they’ve stopped running, they notice the dusty, dark room had numerous bookshelves containing many grimoires.

“Whoa! So many books about magic~! There’s gotta be one that I could use to improve my skills” said Grim as he rushed to the first grimoire he saw.

“Wait! That grimoire could be-” shouted (Y/n) before being interrupted by a loud door slam. “Cursed?”

As soon as Grim touched the grimoire he wanted to read, the door he & (Y/n) went through somehow slammed itself shut. They both noticed this & had begun panicking.

(Y/n) rushes over to the door & tries to open to no avail. “Crap! We’re trapped!”

“Hehehe…” a mysterious voice muttered. “You’ve done it now…”

“Henchman! Did you hear that creepy voice just now” asked Grim.

“Yes. We’re in deep trouble, aren’t we” asked (Y/n).

“Oh how you most certainly are. To think that anyone would be foolish enough to touch one of my precious grimoires” said the disembodied voice with the occasional giggle.

“Fnagh! I’m sorry” yelled Grim.

“You better be! Such action is… UNFORGIVABLE” yelled the disembodied voice near the end.

Both (Y/n) & Grim were in a state of complete panic. After all, they weren’t expecting to encounter a potentially malevolent being.

“I have an idea. How about I make you my servants? I’ve been so attentive to many books that it’s been hard keeping track of all of them. You can read all the grimoires that you want, little furball” said the crazed voice.

“Never! The Great Grim will not be defeated by some weirdo” shouted Grim with pride as he believed that fighting this unknown entity was his only option.

“Oh” said the unknown entity in an inquisitive tone. Several steps can be heard with each one getting previously louder than the last. A lantern appears, revealing a tall, lanky figure wearing a filthy cloak. Their eyes are filled with such insanity that one should not ask what had happened to them & their grin revealed jagged teeth. “And how do you suppose you shall defeat me? I’ve spent countless hours caring for various texts of advanced magic & have practiced & perfected my techniques”

“AH! I TAKE BACK WHAT I’VE SAID! I’M SORRY” yelled Grim as he’s hiding behind (Y/n).

“Oh how hilarious of you! So frightened as to hide behind your master as if that will do you any good” said the creepy entity. It uses its free hand to form a ball of dark magic. “Let us not waste any more time. One. Two.”

“AHHHHH” screamed both (Y/n) & Grim as they embraced each other in their final moments.

.

.

.

Or so they’ve thought.

The dark magic covered the strange entity & it shrunk until it was slightly taller than (Y/n). Afterwards, the dark magic dissipated to reveal a young, dashing fae with simple robes, short hair & glasses. “Boo” said the fae in a rather playful tone before helping (Y/n). “My name is Sucré. I apologize for the fright I gave you two, especially the human. My main duty is to care for all of the texts that lie within this castle, ranging from simple notebooks to grimoires while my side job is being an author.”

“So what’s the deal with scaring us if you’re apologizing for it” demanded Grim.

“It’s quite simple: to teach you a lesson about touching things that don’t belong to you. Some of the grimoires within this castle are actually cursed. Granted, they’ve been locked away in a large safe for ages, but most can’t tell the difference until it’s too late” said Sucré as the door violently swung open to reveal a distressed Malleus. “Ah, Your Highness. How delightful to see you” said Sucré as he bowed gracefully to his future king.

Malleus paid no mind to him as he rushed over to (Y/n). “(Y/n), my love!” asked Malleus as he spun them around, got on one knee & gripped their shoulders. “Are you alright?! I hope you’re not hurt!”

(Y/n) gave Malleus such a sweet smile that he would have fainted had it not been for his current state. “Don’t worry, Tsunotarou. I’m fine” said (Y/n) as they proceed to kiss him on the forehead.

“Oh, thank goodness” said Malleus as he hugged them for a short while. His smile changed to a frown as he proceeded to look at (Y/n) in the eyes. “Did I not tell you to wait for me? I know that humans aren’t known for being patient, but this is inexcusable.”

“Don’t get mad at me” said (Y/n) before glaring at Grim. “Get mad at him. He ran off despite my warning & I tried to prevent him from causing any trouble around here.”

“It’s not my fault that Tsunotarou took forever to return from his meeting with his grandma” yelled Grim.

“Because he had a lot of important stuff to talk about with her! What part of that statement do you not understand” asked (Y/n).

From the corner of his eye, Malleus saw the grimoire Grim opened on the floor. “Sucré. There’s a grimoire on the ground. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed that given your affinity for knowledge.”

“I was aware of it not being on the bookshelf” said Sucré before using telepathy to put the grimoire back. “You see, that gray cat monster ran into this room & grabbed it. The human tried to stop him but failed miserably as he lacked sufficient self-control & common sense. I truly  did not intend to frighten the human, but I was too focused on getting revenge against the cat monster.”

Malleus said nothing as he held out his hand & a large grimoire materialized in his hand. He then gave it to Sucré “Here. A reward for punishing Grim.”

“Fnagh! You shouldn’t reward him for doing things like that.” Grim looked at (Y/n). “Tell him, henchman!”

“Honestly, if I had magic, I’d put you in a stupid outfit that only I can take off” said (Y/n) bluntly.

Before saying anything, Sucré adjusted his glasses. “If you wish, I can make that a reality. In exchange, I’d like to be given cookies that are either store-bought or homemade. Any flavor will do.”

“Deal” said (Y/n) without a second thought.

Grim, being greatly offended by (Y/n)’s “betrayal,” was about to speak up until magic had begun surrounding him. He tried running away, but it was too late.

Sucré & Malleus chuckled at this embarrassing sight while (Y/n) was full-on laughing. They had to lean against Malleus so as to not fall to the floor.

It only took one good look at (Y/n) for Malleus to start blushing. As much as Malleus wanted to look at (Y/n) forever, he had to show them certain places of the castle now so that they don’t get lost again. Plus, he actually wants to prepare for this Christmas celebration now that they’re with him. He thanked Sucré once again & left the room with (Y/n) & Grim.

Malleus was quick to have himself & the Ramshackle duo teleported to the Great Hall. It was a large, rectangular room whose walls & ceiling had various murals of faes & other races in various scenes. The beautiful, warm lights from the chandeliers help highlight some of the finer details of these art pieces as well as making the room feel a bit more lively. A few maids & butlers are eating at various banquet tables with some small talk here & there.  The back center of the room had a banquet table more elaborate than the rest. Malleus told (Y/n) that they’d be dining with him & the rest of the Diasomnia quartet.

While there were various art rooms throughout the castle, Malleus took (Y/n) & Grim to a specific one that had the most art supplies by far. Ranging from various art paints to sculpting materials as well as sewing materials, it was an artist’s dream come true. Malleus is fully aware that he won’t always be by (Y/n)’s side & that it wouldn’t be healthy for them to remain inside their room 24/7. In his mind, this was one of the best ways for his darling to relieve their stress.

After exploring a few miscellaneous rooms, the trio stepped inside a small library with a large fireplace in the back. Malleus, after remembering their encounter with Sucré, had to bring up the fact that none of the books in the room were cursed. (Y/n) expressed their feelings about the room, including how it would be nice to cuddle with him in front of the fireplace. Malleus smiled at the thought of doing so.

Nearing the end of the tour of the castle, Grim said he wanted to go back to his & (Y/n)’s room to take a nap (Author’s note: He lied naturally as he breathed).

Malleus quickly used his magic to fulfill Grim’s request as he wanted to spend even a few moments with his Child of Man. Before teleporting to his prized rose garden, he gently covered (Y/n)’s eyes with his hands. He genuinely couldn’t wait to see their reaction.

Upon seeing the garden for the first time, (Y/n) was left speechless. It was an endless sea of roses with a large gazebo in the middle. The fresh, floral aroma washed away any negative emotions (Y/n) had throughout the day. In (Y/n)’s mind, this was the perfect setting for a romantic dinner with Malleus. They couldn’t help but think about themselves kissing Malleus under the moonlight.

“Darling. Darling~” whispered Malleus into (Y/n)'s ear. Seeing his darling blushing while daydreaming prompted him to smirk. "What exactly were you daydreaming about?"

“U-Um. Absolutely nothing, Tsunotarou” yelled (Y/n) as their blush became more intense.

“Mhm. Sure, darling” said Malleus.

(Y/n) looks up at the sky & remembers that they were told of the sky always being dark. “How do you tell what time it is if it’s always dark? I don’t wanna miss lunch time.”

“We once used a device that’s similar to a sundial except it ran on magic. Nowadays, we have clocks you humans consider “old-fashioned.” I do believe it’s almost noon, so let us head back to the castle.”

“Sweet! I can’t wait to try out some of the dishes your homeland has to offer” said (Y/n) before Malleus brought them back to the castle.

“I promise you that you will enjoy them all” said Malleus with a sweet smile.

An hour later & the Diasomnia quartet & the Ramshackle duo are at the Great Hall awaiting for their full-course meals to arrive…

“So (Y/n). How’s the castle so far? You’re not scared of it, are you” said Lilia in a teasing tone.

As expected, Malleus tensed up & he too awaited for (Y/n)’s response.

“At first I found it to be scary, but it’s more lively than I thought it’d be. I like it” said (Y/n).

Malleus was relieved knowing that (Y/n) liked the castle so far “I was rather afraid you would regret coming here. I’m glad to know that I’m wrong.” In his mind, he told himself “Hopefully I am also right in (Y/n) wanting to live in this castle permanently.”

Before long, the chefs have arrived with everyone’s appetizer. Grim tried to scarf his down, but (Y/n) tapped his head & said not to eat like a pig. The cat monster grumbled as he ate his food in a more dignified manner.

(Y/n), being satisfied with his compliance, began eating their own appetizer. It was the same, simple one Malleus chose, yet theirs came out last. “Weird. This appetizer isn’t as flavorful as I thought it’d be” said (Y/n) in their head. “Tsunotarou seems to be satisfied with his, so maybe I’m just being picky.” Throughout lunch, (Y/n) kept finding an issue in their meals whether it’d be their food lacking sufficient seasoning or being a bit too cold. However, it was still far better than the food they ate back at Night Raven College. They may not spend the rest of the day (or night) completely satisfied, but dared not to complain.

“How was lunch, my treasure” asked Malleus with a sincere smile.

“It was delicious. I enjoyed it all” said (Y/n) with a fake smile.

“My tuna had little to no flavor in it! How is that even possible” asked Grim in an upset tone.

“Now now, Grim. We should be grateful for eating food that’s of higher-quality than that back in Night Raven College” said (Y/n) with their lips slightly twitching from nervousness.

“Is that so? Perhaps I should let the chefs who’ve prepared your tuna know about this” said Lilia.

“There’s no need for that, Lilia.” (Y/n), noticing that Grim fell asleep, decided to carry him there as if he were a baby.

As soon as everyone had left, Lilia marched straight toward the kitchen & stopped just in front of the entrance to listen to the chefs’ conversation.

“Finally we can have some peace & quiet” groaned the head chef.

“To think that our esteemed, crowned prince has brought over that ugly human is unbelievable! That feline beast was somehow even worse” said a baker before everyone in the kitchen started laughing.

“Weren’t they the ones that caused a ruckus earlier today? I bet they were because this glorious castle has never housed such rude guests” stated a fae chef.

“I hope they leave soon & never come back” said another chef before everyone nodded simultaneously.

Everything Lilia heard was more than enough for him to violently open the doors. His presence alone caused the whole kitchen to fall silent.

“Lord Lilia! What a surprise to see you here. How may we be of service” asked the head chef in a nervous tone.

“You can be of service by explaining why you were talking poorly about our dear Prince’s guests just now” said Lilia angrily.

“A little while ago, a butler informed me about the ruckus those two were causing. They were running around the halls while making noise. They should be thrown out of the castle at once” said the head chef as everyone else in the room agreed with him.

“For so long, our prince hasn’t had the chance to enjoy a single vacation with anyone. That human you all think so poorly of is the only reason why he’s in such an excellent mood” yelled Lilia.

The entire kitchen staff was speechless. They were initially confused as to why their prince referred to (Y/n) as his “treasure,” & now his jovial mood made much more sense.

“I expect that intentional screw ups like these will never happen again! Do you all understand” asked Lilia with nothing but fury.

“Yes, Lord Lilia! We will ensure that this mistake does not occur again” said the entire kitchen staff.

Lilia simply huffed as he left the kitchen. He hoped that the rest of everyone’s Christmas vacation didn’t face any more problems.

This is so good! I hope to see more in the future.

so uhhh I don’t normally get the Animatic Urge, but for some reason I really wanted to do this little bit from 6-37! there’s not really a punchline or anything, I just…inexplicably felt like drawing this scene (by which I mean the first little bit of this scene, minus a few lines for ~streamlining~ and the sake of not spending forever on it).

it was gonna be just for me but, eh, it’s hardly the most pointless thing I’ve ever posted, now you can enjoy(?) it too! 👍

I crack my eggs against the side of the bowl I’m gonna whisk them in.

can u guys rb this n add how you crack your eggs in the tags? i thought cracking them in the sinks’s edge is universal until i saw my friend cracking an egg on the counter instead and it was so pervese and diabolical

Wdym you explained them badly? XD

I Describe the Obey Me Characters Really Badly:

Lucifer: Struggling single father with no emotional intelligence and the horniest fans.

Mammon: Former gifted kid now local fuckup with ADHD, burnout, and a thing for praise. He’s the person in Central Park surrounded by pigeons except the pigeons are crows. Perpetually broke. Invested in Bitcoin.

Leviathan: The guy that had a totally normal life and childhood until about 15 minutes into the documentary when they start talking about how he never left his fucking room. They then blame his crimes on all the violent video games and anime he watched.

Satan: Nerd that can and will snap you in half like a toothpick if you give him a reason. Part time catboy, full time menace to Lucifer.

Asmodeus: Beauty Youtuber and influencer. Yes, influencer is a very sinister title and it fits him perfectly. He’s pure evil, he’s the sweetest boy, I want to braid his hair, I want to slap him in the face, I want to hold his hand and tell him he’s loved, I want to put shaving cream in his shampoo.

Beelzebub: The only person in a twenty mile radius with an ounce of emotional intelligence in his body. He eats to fill the void, but also works out so he’s shredded as fuck.

Belphegor: Simultaneously the biggest brat in existence and the sweetest thing. Will end your bloodline and not feel bad, then go give hugs to his twin.

Diavolo: Part time himbo, full time pain in Lucifer’s neck. Starved for attention and affection, he’s so lonely… he’s also a member of the aristocracy so VIVE LE PROLETARIAT UPRISING!

Barbatos: Far more sus than Solomon but no one acts like it. Can see through time and space but chooses not to because he’s loyal to his part time Himbo prince.

Simeon: Was mischaracterized by the fandom until midway through season 2. Lucifer’s annoying ex brother. Brother breakup 🥺 also totally a spy. Another single father. The reason schools have a “cover your sinful shoulders” rule. Shifty as fuck but also the only person I’d trust.

Solomon: Was dubbed a meme lord once upon a time ago, now he is a grandpa. Chronic mansplainer with magic and anxiety. Has probably set you on fire.

Luke: Racist ten year old. Your son. Simeon’s son. Everyone’s son. He’s also a chihuahua. Love him.

As a Madoka Magica fan, I’m SO DAMN GLAD this exists!

The Holy Quintet in Twisted Wonderland! (Dorm sorting)

Here’s the second piece of TW x PMMM crossovers! I had so much fun writing the first one and has been looking forward to writing this part. Oh, and since Homura was the first one to woke up, she gets sorted first. I apologise for the word vomit underneath. You have been warned.  

Anyway, hope you guys enjoy it! (I didn’t actually expect the amazing response from you guys! To the new followers, welcome!) 

-

Akemi Homura is sorted in… 

Standing in front of the mirror with a determined expression, Homura refused to show any weakness. She subtly caress her ring, where her purple Soul Gem gleams. 

For her unyielding conviction, resourcefulness against every timeline thrown at her and long, careful planning, the Mirror of Darkness deems that she will do well in SCARABIA!

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