Tw Sui Implied - Blog Posts

Here gremlins have this before I make another naruto as memes post🧍

I know we talk about kakashi being mentally screwed but I just know Yamato after the war arc was on watch💔 and probably before that because no person comes out sane from being around orochimaru more than 24 hours

if i see one more person take the boat scene, which is just another of the many scenes that slaps us in the face with the fact that jace is suicidal at this point in the series, and use it as a "that's straight?" thing for a jimon post i'm gonna pull out my hair.

i see it everywhere and it disgusts me.

disjointed yi sang ramble (canto iv spoilers kind of):

okay I know chapter 4 isn't over yet BUT I can't stop thinking about how the big 000 ids for gregor and sinclair in their chapters (and tbh I think this can be applied to rime shank rodya as well) have them conforming to what people expect of/want from them while yi sang just. Becomes Dongbaek because he no longer has a place in her world and she has no place in his... all they have is the sweet-smelling sense of nostalgia...

it reminds me a lot of this passage from the wings:

additionally, while I think the entire league embodies the wife character to some extent, the direct moments of conflict where she lashes out feel the most. dongbaek to me. also interesting to note that she's the only league member he's been able to properly Fight so far.

also, since this rant was inspired by his new id: "once all these flowers have been stained red only then will "I" bloom as well" to me reads as him trying to destroy his past in an effort to regain his sense of self. hm.

also also I find the fragrance aspect of the bloom ego so interesting when you consider that the protag in the wings sniffs his wife's perfume to remember her....

The hole in my chest

Can only be filled with my

Sharp, unbothered knife

when your mom gives you an oil that helped with her scars

and when your cousin has a semicolon tattooed on his forearm

you just can't help but wonder if you had known it all before

would you do it again?

(real)

welp

were getting to the point where im ghosting ppl i love n care abt again

fuck

(chat, is it weird that i feel an attempt coming?)

Thank you to everyone who liked me and was my friend. Sadly, my depression is getting out of control, and I can't stand it any longer.

I don't know if I will be okay or not. I just want to feel happy again, but all there is waiting is despair. My medications aren't helping. I am desperately seeking happiness, only to find nothing.

If I don't make myself disappear permanently, I will be back.

filter: kms

filter: die

filter: die

WAHHHH, I CANT TAKE BEING ALOONEEE, IF I DONT GET A PARTNER BY NEXT YEAR I'LL BE PUTTING MY HEAD INTO THE OVEN

Ok can you guys tell me in the comments but am I a bad person for not reporting my friend to a teacher like I know I would hate it but I really care for my friend and I don't want to go back to school and them not being alive because of me i just feel like a shit friend and I don't know if I did the right thing.

My friend told me he was gonna kill himself I've been crying since lunch I just left school and he told me if he's not there Monday then he did it and it worked.

My whole life is crashing down around me I'm not ok right now

I was telling you about how school is so draining that I dread getting up in the morning but you yelling at me to "clean my room"and"try harder"

What if the next time you see me I'm covered I'm my own blood with pills all around me would you tell me to "clean my room:

Gettimg a random burst of energy but I still wanna kms is so weird cause wdym I'm jumping around and acting silly but in my head I wanna die like what 😭

All I do is bleed

I bleed for you

I bleed for them

I bleed for her

I bleed for him

I bleed for me

All I am is a bleeding bloody mess

I feel my time is running out

For fun I did a tiny comic which will make you guys feel like I shoot you guys 57 times

TW!! ITS ABOUT SUICIDE AND SH TW!!!!

I don't wanna trigger anyone soooo... If you wanna check it, look under the cut

I love good old dose of angst

*cough* @vodozemacc350 *cough*

welp

were getting to the point where im ghosting ppl i love n care abt again

fuck

(chat, is it weird that i feel an attempt coming?)

im a bad person

i only hurt those around me

everyones lives would be better if i was dead

i only ruin things

i shouldve died a long time ago

i shouldve never made it this far

im not going to get further in life anyways

im going to die before im 20

either from su1cide or from my illness

i hope i die soon

everyone would be better off that way

(sooner or later im gonna sl1t my throat or ove3d0se on my meds or h4ng myself from a tree in my backyard)

literally my healing era rn:

(im switching from being completely healed n from being on the verge of su1c1de <33)

Constantly switching between healing and complete self destruction

“Do it for your future self” a sign hangs in my school

TW self death

Ummm if I do then no more future self

Clown month day 29: Melancholy

Definitely made with for Clown-month and not from a mental breakdown I experienced last night.

lemme tell y’all about kys wizard , my greatest failed joke

it’s pretty much used in the same context as a regular kys joke, or as a comedic ‘fuck you’

essentially i wave my hands like im casting a spell and say “killll yourselffff” in a spooky wizard voice. it’s only funny inside my head. the idea is that im a lame ass wizard who can’t do any magic, but im incredibly ashamed of it and pretend that ‘kys’ is a spell. (no i am not trying to curse you to commit suicide , it’s more of a ‘shittyness’ curse. if it was even a real curse. which it isn’t because im a loser wizard who can’t use magic.)

disclaimer bc I don’t want it to be taken the wrong way. i would only use this with my friends who also make such jokes, i struggle with SI, etc etc. another reason i gave up the joke is because i became closer with someone who disliked such jokes :/

anyways rip kys wizard, you were great in my dreams. still makes me giggle

I know I said Azamuku was next in Tenshi's bio, but I ran into a block when writing her, so I instead wrote this abomination. This idea was one I've had since highschool for a monster that embodies fear itself and feeds off of it. No art this time because I'm not confident enough to actually draw this fucker. Without any further delay, here is my new OC, Perturbyzz.

Perturbyzz

Age: Unknown

Gender: N/A but most refer to him with He/Him pronouns due to him having a masculine voice regardless of how he appears

Species: Fear Eater

Sexuality: N/A

Height: Between 2'2" and 9'9"

Description

Perturbyzz's form varies depending on his prey, though the form that he consistently appears in is an arachnoid creature that is mannequin-like in appearance, with 6 or more legs that have human hands on the end, crab-like arms with pincers and a scorpion tail that injects hallucinogenic venom. He is able to morph his form freely and can shrink and grow a fixed amount. One limitation his morphing has is his inability to deviate from having mannequin traits until he injects his prey with his venom and enters their mind. His movement is very rigid much like a marionette and he is able to contort his body in nearly impossible ways to unnerve his victims often making clicking sounds with his body when doing so. When he morphs human characteristics, he usually has an unnerving, wide, fanged grin with empty eyeholes that can have sharp teeth growing inside of them. His voice is masculine and tenor. When pretending to be passive, his voice sounds comforting and alluring, but when he shows his true nature, his voice is distorted, shrill and demented sounding with a subtle growl.

Personality

* Sadistic and mentally deranged. Takes pleasure in making others suffer

* He masks this at first by appearing formal and humble to lure prey into a false sense of security

* Has a vast vocabulary and uses unnecessarily lengthy and hard to pronounce words in his sentences

* Has a gruesome imagination and is creative when concocting environments or forms to torment his victims with

* Chaotic and hard to predict

* Likes to stalk prey to study them before making his presence known or luring them to his domain

* Doesn't see the need to physically kill his victims, often letting them go if they manage to survive, though the number that don't die from stress or trauma (physical and mental) related causes is very few.

Abilities

This section is here because this fucker is a swiss army knife of terror and agony

* Hallucinogen Venom is akin to multiple doses of pure LSD but isn't deadly. It is able to knock the foe unconscious and puts them in a nightmare designed after their worst fears. The nightmare world appears nauseatingly bright colored with occasional eyes constantly following their movement. The venom leaves foes in a state of delirium, feeling sluggish and dizzy.

* Has psychological abilities that only work when the foe is unconscious, where he can enter their dreams and terrorize them with his imagination. In the real world it is limited to showing Perturbyzz what their victim is afraid of.

* In a nightmare, Perturbyzz is much more organic looking and more fluid in his movement. He has unlimited potential with how he can morph. Ranging from multiplication, to being able to become really tiny to almost skyscraper height.

* In the real world, he is able to make holes in his body that shoot out light to disorient his victims. The holes also usually have teeth jutting out of them

* He can change the color of his body much like a chameleon. He uses this if a victim has a fear to a specific color (usually appearing pure white or purple) or if he needs to camouflage

* His morphing abilities do allow for mimicry if he happens to see the victim with someone they trust while stalking them. He will copy that person down to their characteristics, but it's usually easy to see through this due to him usually lacking personal knowledge, him still having his puppet-like movement, parts of the disguise still having mannequin aspects (though this part is hard to tell if the victim happens upon him in the dark or if the person he's mimicking wears clothing that hide these details), and the voice sounding off-putting.

Weaknesses

* If you manage to get over your fears, Perturbyzz struggles to adapt to this.

* Nothing scares Perturbyzz... except for his own reflection. If you want to ward off a potential encounter with this monster, carry a mirror. This will not work if he is currently using mimicry, however

* Perturbyzz doesn't fight and often flees when he is no longer able to torment a victim, or if the victim becomes the predator. However, when he's backed into a corner with no way out, he will not hesitate to kill the perpetrator.

* Sometimes Perturbyzz goes overboard with his psychological horror and throws all of his cards on the table, which can potentially screw him over

* Perturbyzz can get really careless and think he is invincible when he has his victims backed into a corner especially in dreams

Random facts you know the drill

* Perturbyzz's favorite fears are Koinoniphobia (fear of rooms) and Nyctophobia (fear of the dark), as one allows him to visualize complicated mazes of rooms for his victims to stumble through, and the other lets him hide in dreams very easily

* His least favorites are Erotophobia (Fear of sex) and he will ignore it if the victim has other fears to exploit.

* Not much is known of where Perturbyzz came from or if there are others out there like him. He never reveals personal information except for his name even when his life depends on it.

* Some people actually seek out Perturbyzz to get a thrill out of his venom. He will sparingly comply with these requests but only if the thrill-seekers bring him an unsuspecting offering in return.

* Perturbyzz reproduces asexually, but the reproduction kills the parent, so he chooses not to for the time being.

* Perturbyzz has to molt every 3 years. He often uses his molts as decorations in his domain and it helps ward off threats

* When Perturbyzz is unable to feed off of fear, he instead feeds on fungi. He is immune to poisons, so he can eat any kind.

* He REALLY likes to morph eyes in places they shouldn't be on his body.

Clouded Kokoro Week 1!!! Gas/knife

Man I’ve needed something to get me out of artblock this is perfect for me :D plus I’m on break so I have plenty of time!

Fear, Part II

Is there a reason

You feel so alone

With all these people

Surrounding you?

The sun is shining

And the birds are out

Summer air against your skin

But it’s still winter inside.

You’re locked in a cage

Made up of your mind

The monsters are out

And they won’t rest.

Put on a smile

Don’t let them see

How many cracks

You have burning inside.

You can take another day

And your lungs will keep on moving

So focus on happy thoughts

And you’ll be fine.

But now the winter air is biting deep

And it’s getting hard to breathe

Through all this falling snow

And the beasts hunting you.

You’re pounding against the bars

In this cage you’ve made in your brain

But the howling wind and the blanket of snow

Are melding together and leaving you treading

This deepening water

An ocean of silence

That swallows your screams.

Take a deep breath

And paste the smile back on.

Focus on the happy thoughts

And take another pill.

If nobody wants to hear your words

That’s alright, you’ll be fine

Keep your mouth shut, you know,

Conform and don’t be crazy-

Others have it worse anyways.

You don’t remember when

Those pills began to stop

And now your heartbeat is racing

From the killers in your head.

It’s all so much

And now you must be insane

Because nobody else says a word

About suffering like this.

Your mask is far too much

A weight you can’t remove

You’re a bird with clipped wings

A flower with no stem.

You’re chained up in your own mind

Gagged by your own fear

Pills by the handful

Just to feel alive.

Time is fading to a fuzzy haze

The only constant this endless nightmare.

You just want to smile again

You just want to feel whole again!

Cause and effect but this is effect without a reason

What’s the cause, what’s the root

Of this sickened tree?

They ask if you’re afraid of death

Chastise you for these reckless thoughts

And tell you to just grow up.

So how do you tell them

That you’re not afraid of death anymore?

The hell in your head

Is so much worse

Than any hell a religion could offer.

You’re not afraid of the reaper

Or any judgmental god

You’re afraid

Of this life.

Silence is a blade

Cutting your skin

But words make the cuts

Sink all the deeper still.

Anything to end this pain

Anything to cut the chains

Holding you hostage to the demons inside

If heaven is real that’s not where you’ll go

Because this pit can’t be climbed out of

The walls are too sharp

And trying only broke your will.

Every moment of this hell

Is too much, it’s a crushing weight

Anything at all

To end this pain.

Life isn’t fair

And god, don’t you know it

You’re so tired

And the waters are deep

So maybe it’s time

To set you free.