My Awful Headcanons - Blog Posts

*cracks knuckles* I'm gonna take a swing at this and make some stuff up on the fly to get my mind off of stress...

Why did the bosses in PT decide to work with Pizzahead in the first place?

I believe Pizzahead promised them that there would be a whole lot of cash for them if they worked for him. A much better income than the ones they had. An offer they couldn't turn down because what was the alternative? Ending up like Peppino's? Burnt to a crisp by the ray gun of corporate greed? They weren't gonna take the chance. Besides, they all had their reasons to get the cash.

First off, we have Pepperman. An aspiring artist who's studio crappy apartment was too small for his big dreams. He wasn't particularly fond of Pizzahead taking his work for granted, or the unrealistic deadlines for getting the portraits done, or how he was supposed to "punch the pizza chef with the silly little mustache's lights out once he's in your line of sight" but... with the new job he would get a proper studio, a steady income to pay for supplies, everything he needed. So he took the job offer.

Vigilante was barely surviving off of what little money he had to keep his grandpa's farm in shape. Even so, the property had so much damage to it. Fences that were rotting, rats the size of bears kept rummaging through the barn, it was an endless nightmare. Working under Pizzahead, even though this triangular-headed fella's motives were suspicious, would mean being able to pay for necessary repairs. It would mean being able to keep the only thing he had left of his dear late grandpa. He couldn't turn it down.

Noise... oh boy. The little gremlin had himself neck deep in liability, safety violations and restraining orders. He couldn't understand why, though. All show business has it's risks and dangers, why should he have to deal with this? Just because, what? The use of real-life explosives with no safety precautions? The people love that! He's just giving them what they want. So what if he doesn't warn his guest stars before blasting them with a sausage-shooting bazooka? It's a surprise, it's fun! IT'S FOR THE PEOPLE, THEY LOVE IT, AND HE LOVES THE THRILL OF IT ALL. Well, anyway... anything to get himself out of this mess.

LaItNeDiFnOc Si OnIpPeP eKaF tUoBa NoItAmRoFnI

Now what about the non-bosses? What about them?

Well Noisette needed money to run her cafe. Like Noise, she's in a bunch of trouble for no reason. Just because she like to experiment with food? Try something new? Just because once she cleaned the cafe bathroom with ammonia and bleach? She's just trying to live her life, goodness gracious. She didn't expect EVERYONE to like her chocolate-covered corn but this is ridiculous. She doesn't deserve THIS many violation accusations. Pizzahead promised to help out, even though even SHE was a little suspicious of him... but she decided to give him a chance. Besides, he gave her the coziest little spot to set up her cafe in the bowels of his septic tank :3

Snotty is loitering but we respect him for that.

Gerome... poor Gerome. He was blackmailed by Pizzahead that if he didn't get his sorry ass over and scrub all the tower toilets, his beloved brother John would be drained of all his life force to power the tower and his inventions to the fullest (kinda a theory of mine... what if Pizzahead was using John as a power source? Hence the background in the final floor and him being "reborn" if you get all the food treasure). Why would Pizzahead do such a thing? Well... let's just say he and Gerome had a very rocky past and they really, REALLY have no respect for each other. What happened between them is unknown and Gerome refuses to talk about it with anyone except John (who promised to keep it a secret).

...Welp, that's all I got.

The enemies and such ig were his underlings long before the bosses and their friends started working for him idk. Or some of them may have worked for Noise (like in the bad, the ugly, and the even uglier comics) and were roped into working under PH as well.

Some of you may ask "why isn't Mister Stick also working for him? Doesn't he want money too?" I think he probably did once but got fired/quit XD probably relating to a disagreement involving their inventions since their both inventors of gadgets and such. They probably stepped on each other toes so much they just both snapped and it definitely ended with Mister Stick saying "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!!!" and now he's fully willing to help Peppino sabotage Pizzahead's stupid tower with all of his stupid inventions that stupid pizza-headed fu-

Curious if anyone has any headcanons on why each character decided to "work" at ("join", whatever the right wording would be, I dunno) the tower

Yo guys... it's friday... y'know what that means...?

FAKE PEPPINO FRIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAY-*explostion*

Finally I participate in this silly thing, and how do I do it? By sharing some useless headcanons. Let's-a go!

Useless HC 1: B E A N S

Why beans you ask? In my headcanon Fake Peppino has (very limited) shapeshifting abilities. At will he can make himself become a bit more animal-like (or monster-like, as seen in his "chase" form). He uses the "beans" transformation to stick to walls like a frog or a gecko. The paw pads are very grippy and allows them to stick to any wall with ease (including the ceiling).

Useless HC 2: Peppino has freaked his clone out as much as his clone has freaked him out.

Fake Peppino had very limited knowledge of the real world (and humans) after the events of the tower. As much as he's been learning and discovering, it's still all very strange and confusing. As a result, Fake Peppino quickly learned how Peppino felt when they first met, and how what was mundane and normal to one individual seemed freakish and hostile to the other. A prime example of this is when Fake Peppino learned about sneezing. Now Fake Pep, due to his physiology being like a frog's, is physically unable to sneeze. They were completely unaware that this was a thing among humans and such until a short while after the tower, when Peppino had an allergic reaction to a cat. Having no clue what the sudden, mildly terrifying outburst was about, Fake Pep assumed that this was a thing that humans did to assert dominance and got upset and confused as to why Peppino would do that to such an innocent creature. After a bit of explaining Fake Peppino became a bit relieved that what Peppino did wasn't out of malice, though still didn't quite understand WHY that reaction had to be so... violent? And sudden? Even after learning what it was, they still haven't been able to hear a sneeze without freaking out a little bit.

Useless HC 3: the weather affects Fake Peppino's physical state

In cooler environments, Fake Pep becomes more "solid". His body becomes a lot less watery and becomes a sort of thick pizza dough consistency- it's tough enough to hold together but you can phase through it if you use enough strength. In hotter environments, he will become quite runny in consistency, making it harder for him to hold himself together.

The visual above is an exaggeration, snow and winter weather will cause him to go into hibernation (frog DNA thing). He does melt a lot to a certain degree but he will not transform into a fried egg (unless he wants to).

Temperature swings can become an issue for him in certain situations, as in if they happened to be in a tight place at the time and it gets cold... as a result, Fake Pep has gotten stuck in pipes. Here is a badly drawn example of that happening:

Don't worry though, all you need is a blow drier, portable heater, or other source heat to melt and unstick him.

That's all for now! Thanks for tuning in on my ted talk. Expect more bullshit in the future :3

Some cheeseslime headcanons:

Figure A: a cheesechild, roughly a week or two old. Baby cheeseslimes are quite squishy and rubbery don't produce a lot of... cheese slime I guess you'd call it. Because of this, they are lighter in hue than adults and can't really maintain heat (the slime acts as a fur coat, and regulates body heat). At this age, they will latch into their parent's slime for warmth.

Figure B: a five month old cheeseslime, about 12-ish in human years. They slowly begin to produce their own slime, and their body becomes more liquid and they are now able to retract their paws/hands when needed.

Figure C: a year-old cheeseslime, now fully grown. Their bodies are normally more liquid than solid but they can "shift" their viscosity at will. Their appendages have melted into their own body but can be rematerialized when needed.

Left figure: a proud cheeseslime parent, their cheesechildren nesting in their slime for warmth.

Right figure: cheeseslime parent teaches their child counting I guess. Putting this here for no other reason than to show that I headcanon cheeseslimes have the BEANS 🐾✨

Extras:

Cheeseslimes have a lifespan of about 40-50 years.

They do not have sexes and reproduce asexually. They do have gender identities which they discover as they grow.

Their body temperature is a lot higher than most warm-blooded animals. Not hot enough to burn, but getting there. A cheeseslime's body can reach boiling point during a fever and can cause the slime to bubble.

Cheeseslimes normally can materialize up to 4 limbs at a time (2 arms, 2 legs). However in extremely rare cases, some can materialize more limbs- either an extra pair of arms or even wings.