Loop - Blog Posts

Risk of Ruin

I want a dumb cunt with everything. Life, family, job, all of it. The cunt that knows something is missing. That can’t ever cum the way she truly craves.

The one with those depraved, humiliating thoughts in the back of her mind. You know the ones. The only ones that get you close to that mind blowing orgasm you crave.

Those exposure risk thoughts. Of having a man get a hold of your TimeBomb, or playing the dice game with some strange man.. Waking up each morning knowing you willingly gave up control of your reputation to someone  who only wants to find out how depraved you will get to keep it all from going public.

If that is you cunt, simply let me know.

craving covert noncon and brainwashing so fucking bad right now. worm into my head. violate me. use me. rape my mind until there's nothing left. gaslight me into thinking I love it. make me cum to my own subjugation. I have too many fucking braincells pleeeease I need to be mindfucked I need to be ruined and God itd make me so wet to not even see it coming. im such a naive and trusting little girl ill be your best whore, my mind is ready to take, dont ask permission, message me and get my gaurd down, I'm so desperate I won't even suspect you until it's too late....

So fun...

your partner edging you in front of fucked up porn of kinks you don’t have so your brain starts associating those videos with pleasure until you get turned on by said fucked up kinks against your will just for them 💕

"i don't like it" sub x "don't worry i'll condition u to" dom

I'm going to walk you around the mall, all tarted up in your tiniest little outfit. And your whole job is to notice all the men staring at you.

Then, when we go back home, you're going to grind yourself into my leg as you recall all of them and how much you loved being objectified like that.

About how you're nothing if men aren't looking at you.

How you feel invisible unless men are using you.

Your only purpose is being a good little fuck doll.

Sessions like that again, and again, and again. Until you can't even get wet without thinking about being degraded, used, and humiliated.

Good girl. ❤️

Such an amazing loop

More.

More edging.

More porn.

More audios.

You need more.

It's never enough.

It will never be enough.

The more you do it the more you break.

The more you break, the better it feels.

The better it feels, the more you do it.

You lost.

And you love it.

Control

- You submit because you want to feel almost forced to do those things that make you feel dirty.. it excites you beyond anything else. Do things you know you have little intrest in when in other contexts but maybe that exhilarating feeling of manipulation makes you feel that warmth deep inside. It’s like you have this voice inside that lets you know on a level you cannot articulate that you feel that excitement now deep in parts of your mind you don’t discuss with just any other person. I have this voice inside as well. We all have this voice that tells you what is going on is right and you feel good.

- It’s almost like you want me to play with your mind I mean perhaps it is not like you get excited because you love that feeling of manipulation at the hands of another. It’s just it’s a little scary and oddly that small fear makes you feel horny. The hornier you get the deeper you sink in to your desires.

- You might think you crave humiliation or that you crave depravity because you don’t deserve to be excited. However the truth is simpler as you get excited from humiliation & your depravity because you fear you are good fuck toy. Just think about what you haven't considered yet.. When you get to be treated like a toy this voice you trust lets you know you are good. Every minute of it is truly special.

Real-Life Experience

Sir loves watching football. He also loves watching me torture myself with pleasure. Last night, he had me strip naked and lie in front of the television with my legs spread. During play time I had to be touching myself. I could edge, rub my clit, fuck myself with my fingers, whatever I wanted- except cum. During halftime I was on no-touch. Sir made me crawl over to him and use my mouth to pleasure his cock and balls, pussy denied and dripping, until he came deep in my throat. I swallowed every drop, like a good slut should. Then back in front of the television to edge through the second half. When the game was over, he asked me if I wanted to cum now. I was so horny and desperate after nearly two hours of teasing. I ached for that orgasm.

“Yes, Sir… PLEASE. Please. I want it so, so badly. Please let me cum, Sir.”

“Well, you’ve been such a good girl all evening… fine, you can cum.”

“THANK YOU, SIR.”

“-but! You have a choice. You have permission to cum however you want, as hard as you want. You won’t get in trouble if you cum properly. No punishment. But it would make me so very happy if you’d ruin it for me.”

My clit was throbbing with the built-up pleasure. I wanted that orgasm so badly. But I wanted to make Sir happy too.

“But, sir… please. Please, I edged so good.”

“I know, and you can cum. I love watching you cum. But I love watching you ruin it even more. Can you think of a better reason to cum properly than that your ruin would make me happy? Don’t stop touching while you think about it.”

I kept slowly rubbing my clit.

“No, sir… I want to make you happy… but… I want to cum… so much… god…”

“Your choice, princess.”

I struggled so hard, feeling that orgasm build, right on the edge… the orgasm that would take me over, would feel so incredible… maybe the last orgasm I’d be offered for days… yes… yes… yes… I tipped over the edge. And then I ruined it. Hard. For him.

I pulled my hands back to my thighs, screaming at the feeling of my pussy spasming and twitching as all that pleasure slipped away, ensuring I’d stay horny and desperate all night.

He came over then and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead and telling me all the things that make the denial and frustration worth it. “Good girl. I’m so proud of you, princess. You made me so happy today. You’re so perfect like this.”

And then he said the hottest, most perfect, cruelest thing of all.

“Now give me another ruin.”

I love him so much.

It's just a coincidence that more & more you get off to what gets me off. It's not like I have anything to do with it...

tell me what porn to get off to so i can become even more disgusting 💖💖💖 plant all ur desires into my brain so that i can only cum to what turns YOU on

what's your edgeslut level?

✨ Level 1: drippy baby - you edge for awhile each time you want to cum~ you watch your usual porn. it feels so good! maybe it's getting a little longer each time? there's just no way you could go overnight! unless...

✨ Level 2: perverted prince/ss - you like how needy you're starting to get 💕 your taste in porn is getting a little more degrading...anytime you think about it during the day, your clit/dick starts throbbing. just one more day, and then you'll cum. probably...

✨ Level 3: depraved darling - you're starting to crave...permission 💗 you're edging to edging porn now, scrolling through denial tumblr. you've found yourself trying to look dumb and sexy when you edge, spreading your legs more, maybe sticking your tongue out. you've even submitted a few anon asks or texted your partner begging permission to cum. sometimes you cum anyway, other times you wait. it feels good to get permission, but it's scary: sometimes it feels better to be told no...

✨ Level 4: gooning goner - you don't know if you want permission anymore 💋 it's been weeks now. are you even still keeping count? you're edging to porn of other people cumming. your holes/dick are constantly leaking, and it's getting too easy to start with "just one edge" and wake up to find hours have gone by. when you cum or ruin without permission, you start begging to be punished. mantras are constantly running through your head, even when you're not edging: good toys don't cum. wetter is better.

✨ Level 5: needy numbskull - you've lost the ability to cum without permission~ you're edging to recordings of people being degraded and punished. you feel so vulnerable and impressionable all the time; it makes you scared even as it makes you feel aroused. it's hard to think even when you're not edging. the mantras in your head are starting to change: my orgasms don't belong to me. i'm more useful when i'm denied.

✨ Level 6: addicted doll - you stop thinking about cumming at all; you stop thinking about whether you should worry about how dumb you're starting to get. you strip naked and kneel every time you edge, tongue out and drooling, feeling only vague embarrassment. you edge to porn of yourself being punished for ruining without permission, or being forced to ruin. there are still certain things you won't do, even for the chance to cum, but you debase yourself almost voluntarily for your betters now🧡

✨ Level 7: useful idiot - you sneak away to edge at work/school 💖 you don't even need porn to edge now. you don't even need to think about it, or to be told to do it - you just do. you only beg to cum in order to humiliate yourself further for your betters, to give them pleasure in saying "no." you don't want it anymore, hell, you don't want to do anything but please them. you'll hump the air for their amusement, you'll lick their cum off the floor, you'll let them punish your cunt/dick for even thinking it deserves to cum. the mantra's changed again, your final form: pathetic sluts don't deserve to cum. pets like me are made to be needy. if the thought of cumming even crosses your mind, you run to your betters and beg to be punished until it goes away. who needs a chastity belt? you've broken yourself all on your own 💋💕💗💖💓💘

[captioning or tagging this post with my DNI/hard limits will get you blocked. i need to keep my notes safe for me 💕]

Reading your blog has me so horny. I just want to edge and drip while reading your posts and never ever cum

aww 💕 you should know, tho...

it'll make you worse. those kinks you already have? get ready for them to go up to 11. those kinks you don't think you have? get ready to get them.

it'll make you needy. other people's attention will be like a drug. you'll be dying for their approval.

it'll make you dumb. you will have the kind of empty mind a Buddhist initiate dreams of.

you will lose time. one edge turns into ten turns into twenty... hours go by with your hand between your legs and you won't even notice.

most of all... you'll give up. on what, exactly, is impossible to say. maybe you'll give up on ever getting permission. maybe you'll give up your rights to cum whenever you want. or you'll give up on anything ever feeling as good as denial. or you'll give up the idea of being human entirely and become a pet thing mostly made of need. regardless, you will give up. you will give in. in so many ways.

enjoy 💕

Numbing cream

This morning I had some time to be lazy in the bed before work. I was going to edge, then I remembered the numbing cream. I have Emla for using before laser epilation (to get rid of the hair) on my labia. 

I’ve been fantasizing about BeingFuckedWithNumbingCreamOn SlowlyLosingSensationAnd WastingTheRareChanceToCum for some time now. Wanted to try how it really feels.

I took the cream from the bed side drawer and put a large amount on my finger. 

Even the thought of this made my pussy drip. Without even touching my clit, I was on the edge. It’s all in the mind, after all ;) In my strange mind. 

I reached my clit and rubbed the whole amount in circles, until it was all soaked. Some on the surrounding area too. I made sure there was an excess amount of cream directly on the clit. 

I edged, just from this brief stimulation on my clit. With the thought of the numbing cream, it was so intense. I stopped touching, but I was going to go over the edge, I could feel it. So I opened my legs wide and opened my labia with hands wide, to stop the slightest contact on my clit. Like that, I waited for 10 minutes, and rubbed to test. The sense had decreased, but I could still feel the touch. Ahh it was soo sweet. I waited another 15 minutes and rubbed again. Oh my.. nothing. 

My clit stopped existing. I touched and rubbed and pressed. Nothing. Just a piece of nerveless meat. Like your mouth after the dentist gives you the anesthetic shot.

My clit completely numbed, I reached for my dildo. It is very smooth, polished wood, curved, to press the right spots inside. I started fucking myself with it. There was a lot of pleasure from the dildo too. I thought I was getting close. If I went over the edge I decided to let it happen so that I prove myself that I can cum from penetration only. I would cum, and remove the dildo just when I start to throb, and ruin it. 

Idea of ruining a penetration-only orgasm sounded so evil. Made me hotter. 

I fucked myself so fast with the dildo. Without my clit feeling nothing, the pleasure was intense, but just not enough. Or maybe it would be enough if I could continue as long as necessary but my arm would get so tired after like 4-5 minutes I’d need to stop and rest. With each frenzied thrust, I edged. With each stop for rest, I calmed down. As I was fucking myself with the dildo like crazy I heard these inner voices of some strangers I imagined playing with me:

 “This is all you get for pleasure now. Your clit is gone. Kaputt. Nada. All you get is penetration only. Cum from this.” 

This was so hot and I was so close I was panting and moaning in the bedroom out loud and sweating… Yet I could not go over that edge.

More than an hour of furiously trying, my arms were very tired, and my body was very frustrated. I gave up. I dressed, and came to work.

My clit came back like half and hour later I left home. It started throbbing with need under my jeans.

I have been at work for 3 hours. I can not do real work. I can not concentrate on anything. The ache on my pussy has consumed me. The need is overwhelming.

When I talk to my colleagues, it’s like I’m faking the conversation. What I’m really thinking about is the ache.

Instead of doing proper work, I am typing this on my laptop, getting wetter and more needy as type it.

Is mind control ethical

of course! i mean, you never hear anyone who's been mind controlled complain about the experience. in fact, they all love it!

Stacking Edges - Level 1

WARNING - This is going to make you such a dumb, fuzzy headed little slut. This is not for inexperienced edgesluts, and will take experienced ones so fucking deep, you might not want to leave. 1 - Start by rubbing your clit. Good girl. Keep listening to it, making her feel good. You’re going to get your clit close.. Because it’s not you that gets close, it’s your clit, isn’t it..? She tells you when to rub her and you listen like a good girl. Listen to her and make her feel as good as you know how to. Every time you change how you rub and it feels better, keep going.. Don’t stop. Never stop. Keep rubbing and rubbing your clit.. Don’t continue until you feel it’s starting to get close..

2 - Stop playing with your clit and start rubbing your g-spot instead. Curl your fingers up inside your wet little pussy and feel that swollen patch inside you and starting rubbing it properly.. That’s it, make it feel good.. It feels different to your clit doesn’t it..? That’s why this feels so good, slut.. We’re building up two different edges at the same time.. Keep rubbing. I bet your little cunt is leaking all over your fingers, isn’t it? Dirty little whore. Your head’s going to be getting VERY fuzzy now, but this is only just the beginning.. Keep rubbing until your feel your g-spot get close, only then can you continue..

3 - Swap back to your clit.. Notice how different it feels now? I bet your fingers are dripping with your cum, aren’t they? Dirty little edgeslut. Don’t stop, keep rubbing your clit for me.. This is where you start dropping deeper than normal.. With regular edging, your mind drops as your orgasm builds up, but then you need to stop at the top, but not anymore.. Now you just swap to your g-spot instead, so you build and build and when you’re close, you swap.. Build and build and build and swap, so you don’t need a break. You don’t need to stop, and as this goes on your mind goes deeper and deeper, as you get dumber and dumber, just rubbing your mind away.. You’re just a horny little edgeslut, sinking deeper and deeper, never giving her mind a rest from this gorgeous pleasure you love so much.. Every time you get close with your clit, swap to your g-spot.. Every time your g-spot is close, swap back to your clit.. Your head’s getting very fuzzy now, isn’t it slut? But you love this feeling, don’t you? This is why you do it.. To lose yourself like this.. Keep going and going until you can barely touch your clit or g-spot before you’re close.. Feel how pathetic and needy you are, building up and up and up. When you can barely touch before getting close, only THEN are you ready to move on.. And this is where you drop deeper and get dumber than ever before..

4 - Rub your clit and g-spot at the same time, but be careful not to cum.. For some horny little edgepuppets, this can be too much and they can’t take the combination of pleasures.. It pushes them over the edge and ruins their orgasm, but hold back.. Keep rubbing both together. Listen to how good they feel at the same time.. This is where your mind drops deeper.. Overwhelming your body with two different edges.. Dirty little slut.. Keep going. Don’t stop. Never stop. Good girls edge. You’re never going to want it to end.. Keep rubbing. Feel how wet and leaky your cunt is. Hear your deep, guttural moans.. Don’t stop.. Never stop.. Feel how good your clit and g-spot feel together.. Keep rubbing. Rub your mind away. Don’t stop.. Never stop..

There's something really hot about the idea of being corrupted by your followers. The send you hypnotic messages, and little tasks, and tell you how good you are for listening to them and being good and obedient. They give you treats in the form of triggers you didn't know you picked up and then make you edge and play and stay tirelessly horny for your Master. Then they get to hear about all of the kinky fuck up things your stupid hypnotically amplified desperation made you do for Master. And when they see what they can make you do they learn how much fun it is to make you do more.

Puffy slippery slits are so needy

It is such a shame that you aren’t able to concentrate so well with your clit so achy.  We really should do something about that. 

Take a moment to close your eyes… breathe… relax…  Focus on your achy clit.  Embrace that feeling.  You have earned this ache after so so much orgasm denial and daily edging.  You deserve to savor it.  Let the ache wash over you.  Let the hormones feeding your addiction flood & condition your mind.  Building & strengthening new synapses.. new neural pathways and reinforcing existing ones that align with your pleasure.  Finding that place inside you where ache becomes bliss.  This condition serves you so much more than needlessly cumming without permission.  This place  only good girls get to see & feel.  Now say outloud. “My pleasure is denial.  It makes me ache and that is proof of my pleasure.  Pleasure is my reward."

Focus on your task now, toy.  Have fun be safe and have a great day!

inspired by goodgirls-dont-cum

I invite you to imagine your denial, constant touching and edging are already corrupting your mind just a little. Regularly it seemingly becomes all you can think about it now.. perhaps it is not all you want to do but it feels like it.. what if you remember you could barely sleep last night because you are so horny and cannot wait until morning just so you could open tumblr again, touch, edge yourself dumb and whore yourself out a little more. Consider it is many weeks from now and you think back to this moment and smile because you know it is when your mind began to break.. when you relax now and let yourself jump down the rabbit hole of bliss. Let it consume you and have fun with it. You will never be quite the same.

It’s ok. No one has to know. It’s healthy. You need this. Have a great day.

Hey you complete slut!

Be a good girl and drink some fucking water! Hydrate like a bitch! No, hydrate more!

Listen to me you little cocksleeve. You are valuable and valued. You deserve to be loved, you completely depraved fucktoy!

Hey you pathetic fuckdoll! You got this! You'll do your best and that's more than enough, you cum guzzling whore! Extend some goddamn kindness to your wonderful self, you massive slut!

an underrated kink is corruption. i want to make you worse. i love to coax it all out of you and make you admit how hot you really think it is. don’t worry, no one’s going to find out. no one’s going to judge you. it’s okay, you don’t have to fight it anymore. just let it get to you. you need this.

edging every day makes u easier to brainwash and control and thats why u should edge every day 💖

live your best life

When negative feelings like anxiety, depression, or self doubt begin to present themselves.. edge them away.

Have a fantastic day.

you know you cant stop

Feels too good

Edge Addict

by Chaos Doll - https://www.patreon.com/chaosdoll

Do you enjoy being mindlessly horny? Do you enjoy being close to the edge? Do you enjoy being denied orgasm without permission?

Of course you do! If you’re not already addicted to touching yourself, there is a good chance you will be after listening to this file on loop for awhile.

Like my work? You can download this file and many more for a pledge of only $5 https://www.patreon.com/chaosdoll

Keep reading

Control

- You submit because you want to feel almost forced to do those things that make you feel dirty.. it excites you beyond anything else. Do things you know you have little intrest in when in other contexts but maybe that exhilarating feeling of manipulation makes you feel that warmth deep inside. It’s like you have this voice inside that lets you know on a level you cannot articulate that you feel that excitement now deep in parts of your mind you don’t discuss with just any other person. I have this voice inside as well. We all have this voice that tells you what is going on is right and you feel good.

- It’s almost like you want me to play with your mind I mean perhaps it is not like you get excited because you love that feeling of manipulation at the hands of another. It’s just it’s a little scary and oddly that small fear makes you feel horny. The hornier you get the deeper you sink in to your desires.

- You might think you crave humiliation or that you crave depravity because you don’t deserve to be excited. However the truth is simpler as you get excited from humiliation & your depravity because you fear you are good fuck toy. Just think about what you haven't considered yet.. When you get to be treated like a toy this voice you trust lets you know you are good. Every minute of it is truly special.

ATTENTION ALL CUNTS!!

Today I discovered a totally amazing way to help me become a better edgeslut! This has probably been done before but I want to share it with everyone I possibly can because it’s amazing🥰

All you need is a pair of panties and some scissors! While you’re wearing the panties find where they sit over your little clitty, then take them off and cut the tiniest little slit in the panties—just enough for your clit to stick out of!

Make sure you spread your gross cunt lips out of the way when you put your new panties on, because the goal is for your clit to be isolated on the outside of your panties—to rub against the seam of your pants, your thighs when you’re walking around the house, or whatever furniture you’re desperate enough to hump!

The one downside is that the stimulation might make you cum at first if you’re not careful… but the benefits are:

-constant stimulation to make you wet and needy,

-you’ll constantly be able to reach an edge at a moment’s notice, but

-your clit gets swollen and sore to the point that it hurts to rub it long enough to cum

-you’ll look dumber and spacier to your peers all the time because of your brand new constant distraction,

-and more!

I’ve only had my clit panties on for a half hour and I’m already overstimulated—I can’t wait to see how I feel after tomorrow, my clit will probably be screaming💕 please rb if you’re a cunt who is gonna try this or a Man who’s making His toy try it! I’d love to hear how it goes!!

Which type of cunt are you?

A. You look innocent. Somewhat classy, but deep inside, you have sick twisted fantasies and it makes you wet, just knowing how filthy you really are. How no one has a clue about it. You know you are sicker and filthier than most girls. Message me and say “I am sick, daddy” if you belong to this category.

B. You’re a nympho slut. A sex-addict. A cumwhore. Even while you function and do your daily chores, being filled, fucked and used is the only thing on the back of your mind. You pretend to be classy, but secretly you’re a wet mess all fucking day. Sex is the only thing on your mind. You could feel your pussy all day long, if you wouldn’t have to do chores. Just need the right man to use you and keep you on his leash, all day long. Message me and say “Break me, daddy” if you belong to this category.

C. Humiliation. That’s what makes you cum. Being treated like trash. Being called names. Pissed on. Slapped. Treated like a fucking sex object with all dignity and self respect taken away. You feel guilty later on, after you’ve been used. After you cum. Yet within a few hours, you’re craving that degradation again. Caught in the vicious cycle again and you know there’s no escaping now. You’ll never be able to cum to a “nice” guy again. Don’t need them either. Message me and say “I am trash, daddy” if you belong to this category.

D. You have a Husband. A boyfriend. A lover, yet here you are. Cumming to rough, degrading porn. To women being used like shit and half wishing it was you. Your partner has no idea you’re here and nor is he kinky or wild enough to use you like this. Fucking need to cheat on him secretly and be used. You need daddy to use you like you were made to be used and cheating only makes this cunt drip more. Message me and say “make me cheat, daddy” if you belong to this category.

E. No strong father figure in your life? Even when you had one, you were neglected. Making you attracted towards a strong father figure from an early age. You want to call a guy “daddy” before doing everything in your way to please him. That’s how you’ll earn the affection you never got. You’re broken now and you’ve got daddy issues, but you’ve embraced it. Message me and say “You are my daddy” if you belong to this category.

F. You want to be controlled, from what you think about to what you wear. Tasks and rules complete you. You want to be brainwashed. Corrupted. Left an addict by daddy till the point that you can’t say no, even when you want to. You act normal, but deep down inside you just want to be an owned, braindead sextoy. Once a good girl, now reduced to nothing but a vacant look and gaping holes. Message me and say “Brainwash me, daddy” if you belong to this category.

Think I missed out on a category? Let me know and I’ll put that up too. Choose a max of two categories which suit you best and let daddy know.

I invite you to notice how you  imagine yourself again as a submissive.  The dark fantasies that consistently make you tingle in ways you know too well.  Perhaps you may think you could not  be a submissive to me.   As you are looking at your screen you might not  contemplate your submission  since you don’t want to  picture it now  in your mind.  However, the more you consider it the more deeply it wiggles it’s way into your mind. You enjoy a challenge when you  push your boundaries  though to  find this success  in your desire. See yourself as successful, and feel the sense of accomplishment that comes with it. This fantasy is something that you want, something that will make you happy and fulfilled in ways you already feel deeply. 

As you  visualize yourself achieving  your goal of submission, notice the positive emotions that come with it. What are the feelings that you experience when  you succeed? Is it happiness, pride, joy, or something else?

Think about those positive emotions, and  notice how they feel  inside your body. Where do you  feel them now?   Do they make you  feel lighter,  more energized, or more focused?

Now,  imagine  that those positive emotions are like a powerful magnet, drawing you towards your sexual submission. Every time you take a  step towards your submission, you  feel those positive emotions growing stronger and stronger, guiding you towards success.

As you consider taking actions towards your goal, notice any limiting beliefs or negative thoughts that may not serve your goals well or might be holding you back, simply start to fade away. 

Take a moment to challenge those limiting beliefs or negative thoughts. Are they really true? Are they helping you achieve your goal, or are they holding you back?"

Replace those limiting beliefs & thoughts with positive affirmations that support your goal of submission.  You are a good little one. You  crave this.   You love being submissive. Submission excites you  and fulfills you deeply in satisfying ways.  Repeat those affirmations to yourself, and feel the positive emotions growing stronger and stronger.  

Finally, think about the next step you need to take towards your goal. What action can you take right now to move closer to success?   Notice how  it feels good  to take positive action towards your goal, and let that feeling you will have of accomplishment and satisfaction motivate you to  touch yourself now  and enjoy those feelings.  Visualizing you being a successful submissive now.

Remember,  you want this. You know you  chose to make this happen. Trust yourself and your abilities, and take action towards your goal with confidence and purpose.

Whenever you need a boost of motivation, you can return to this visualization and tap into those positive emotions and affirmations. You can do this. You are already on the path to success.

Never give up

You never  give up resisting.  Don’t  let my words stay  deep in your mind.  Just because I find your struggle so cute should have no bearing on your desire to not  touch yourself.   You’re trying to be good and avoid the desire to  touch yourself now  even though it is tempting, but you  keep reading my notes  like you are addicted   and you know you won’t be able to resist no matter how hard you try to be a good girl.