Experience Tumblr Like Never Before
Tim, absolutely sleep deprived and not even drinking coffee at this point, just inhaling caffeine: Life if just a long bingo game and the reward is death.
Jason, also sleep deprived and an intellectual: the fuck are you on about? Death is controlled by the three sisters past, present, and future with their magic scissors and thread.
Bart, ALSO sleep deprived and sprawled out on the couch and Jason’s lap: Be my Hercules.
Jason: Bold of you to assume I’m not Meg.
Tim, dropping his head in his hands: My life amounts to nothing more than a thread.
Bruce, extremely concerned for all of them: … okay.
The only reason there is cameras set up in wayne manor is to make commentary on Nerf wars. The announcer sits at the batcomputer and commentates on everything.
They also like to play irl Five Nights At Freddy, Flipping through the camera, and it's kinda like red light green light. Whenever a camera is in use, the little red light goes green and all movment in that room must stop. If it goes off again they're free to move about the room.
Starting at number one: Timmy Drakeson.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Isn't Jason the most rebellious?" No. No he is not. Timmothy fucking Drake is a powerhouse of untapped chaos and a goldmind of comedic genius, just look at the iconic Truth or Dare pannel where he was dared to take off his mask. He did so and underneath his mask, was another mask. Secndly, he doesn't give a shrap about the "Protect ID" rule. Also, he was the one that diliberatly went out of his way to find out Batmans Identity by stalking him and taking lots of photos, sneaking out at night and throwing himself into fights even just to get information. Plus, he 100% discreetly shares Batmans weaknesses to the rest of the league because it's "unfair for him to have a strategic plan against them without them having some way to get through to him".
Number two: Terry McGinnis.
Need I say more? If there's anyone who dislikes supers more than Bats himself, it's this guy. But Duke is ok in his book.
Number Three: Dick Grayson.
He left the fam and even the mantle of Robin, which meaned so much to him, to find his own path and had diliberatly made it so that Bruce knew him leaving was all his fault. He even neglected his own "Brothers" somewhat because he didn't want to see that man up until Jason died.
Speaking of, Number four: Jason Todd.
To be Honest, not that rebellious. Sure, he's kinda edgy, but it's a good look for him. Really good. Do I simp for Todd? Hell yes, I do. The actions that lead to him going burserk honestly, not his fault. He was hyped up on the glorified pool water and felt betrayed from the very people who took him in. He understood that when one robin leaves, another steps up because Bruce has issues with the 'sad orphan eyes'. He just can't help himself. But the Laz made his views boggled so he went cray. A good kind of Cray. I don't blame him for being upset about the ordeal. I'd slap the shit outta Bruce.
Okay so hear me out... Five: Alfred.
We all love our main man, glue of the family butler. But on multiple occasions Alfie has stated he would violate the "no kill rule" to protect his charges and honestly, what a King. Pop off, Pennyworth. He loves Bruce, but he puts this grown man in time out and I don't blame him. the guy makes questionable moral decisions and that's coming from a diagnosed psychotic. We stan Alfie✨
Number Six: Damian.
We all know that this little boy got some mommy issues here and some daddy issues there, but honestly when it comes down to it, he's pretty obedient. He has the sass levels of a litterate XBox gamer and the backbone of a snake. you tell him to do something in that stern dad voice and he'll cuss you out on the way to do it. Honestly, best boy. I love him lots. And guys, stop making his character so serious. You need to check yourself on his analysis cause honEE this boy cracks jokes 24/7, likes to poke fun at people and on multiple occasions tried to make superboy, the actually serious fluff roll, swear.
Number SeVeN, Last but certainly not least: Duke Heckin' Thomas.
Our local cinnimon roll™. Not only is he badass, but he's cute and lovable too. Duke is one of those teens that don't really care if it's this way or that. He's kinda on the quiet side unless you engage in conversation with him directly and I mean, come on. Just read any comic with him in it and I guarentee you will fall in love. Just- yEs. Even though he's the only one in his family with superpowers, he stays humbled and is kinda like everyones voice of reason. Seriously, he's so underrated and I love him with all my heart.
Jingle Bells!
Batman yells!
Jason Todd is dead-
Dick is fired-
Tim is Tired
And Damian is mad.
OH!
swinging through Gotham-
looking for some crime
Gonna make some criminals
shit their pants tonight.
Scaring petty thefts.
defusing a bomb-
Joker has outdone himself
and now Timmy is gone-
OH!
Jingle claps
Batman snapped
That's a lot of kids-
Oh my god
please help this man
he might have an addiction-
OH!
Jingle hoes
There Grayson goes
wait- nevermind he's back
Tim's health at steak
he needs a break
so let him hit the sac
OH!
Jingle fun
Dami's done
but he loves them nonetheless
Jason shot
Batman "I think the fUCK NOT"
so he's the dissapointmenntttttt
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!
The favourite thing the media loves about Bruce Wayne is he never takes vacations like all billionaires tend to do. He has all this money, power, and influence but he never spends it for himself. He always seems to be giving to charity and all his time to his life work-- Even though part of the reason is Gotham needs Batman, the public doesn't know that.
It get's brought up numerous times durring gala's amongst the patrions and there are multiple stories praising him over his hard work, not to mention how Wayne tech became more diverse in it's products over the years thanks to the help of his children's input of what the people wanted.
Dick helped him make clothing lines that all looked amazing, because the boy is slightly a fashon guru. Jason had plenty of things to say about clubs and casinos since he himself used to own one and knew of the revenue and good rep they gave. Tim talked about alternative technologies they could invest in, like fabricated organs or false limbs and bones since he himself had a missing spleen. Damian mostly ranted about self protection weapons so he made a formula of pepper spray and with the help of Jason a Wayne taser. Cassandra, though not much to say, casually slips comments about orphanages. Babs says a lot about phones, products and cosmetics.
Gotham may be a twisted place but they love all of the Batkids and Bruce especially.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟBatfam Twitter, Otherwise known as: Idiots with Internet PART 2
Bruce Wayne🗸 @ BrucieWayneOfficial
@ Diamondsareacatsbestfriend Doesn't she look beautiful in her dress for tonights Gala? IMG.29ghv260na.JPG
20k Likes 12.7k retweeted 23.9k Commets
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Selina Kyle @ Diamondsareacatsbestfriend
@BrucieWayneOfficial Oh, you.
12.2k Likes 9.8k retweeted 8.7k Comments
Dick GAYson🗸 @ FlyingGraysonJr
Hey, join me on insta live later to see if we can convince Dami to put on a panguin onsie! LOL So cute
24.3k Likes 20.7k retweeted 10.3k Comments
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Damian Wayne🗸 @ TheBloodSon
@FlyingGraysonJr Grayson, what are you talking about. I will NOT be putting on that abomination.
23.1k Likes 12.3k retweeted 9.7k Comments
Jay Son🗸 @ zombierebellion
20k retweets and I shoot @ sleepwhenimdead with a tranq dart
32k Likes 28.7k retweeted 30.8k Comments
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Jay Son🗸 @ zombierebellion
@ sleepwhenimdead The people have spoken. OKAY TIMMY, TIME FOR BEDDY-BYE
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Tim Drake🗸 @ sleepwhenimdead
@ zombierebellion HOW COULD YOU ALL, I THOUGHT YOU CARED
34.9k Likes 24.3k retweeted 40.1k Comments
Tim Drake🗸 @ sleepwhenimdead
I woke from being tranqued and it's been 53 hours...
34.8k Likes 29.8k retweeted 30.2k Comments
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Dick GAYson🗸 @ FlyingGraysonJr
At least you slept.
32.2k Likes 12.3k retweeted 9.8 Comments
Damian Wayne🗸 @ TheBloodSon
Despite being the most heinous article of clothing I have ever seen, the material is quite comfortable. But I'm never wearing it again.
35.3k Likes 30.1k retweeted 33.4k Comments
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Dick GAYson🗸 @ FlyingGraysonJr
@ TheBloodSon But you looked so cute as a panguin! IMG.92htmil83.JPG
37.4k Likes 37.4k retweeted 40.2k Comments
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Jay Son🗸 @ zombierebellion
@ FlyingGraysonJr @ TheBloodSon looks normal like that. Minus the sour face.
22.4k Likes 12.9k retweeted 19.2k Comments
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Tim Drake🗸 @ sleepwhenimdead
@ FlyingGraysonJr @ TheBloodSon @ zombierebellion he looks so precious even though he's going to kill us all..
20k Likes 18.2k retweeted 22.4k Comments
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟBatfam Twitter, Otherwise known as: Idiots with Internet
Bruce Wayne🗸 @ BrucieWayneOfficial
Good morning, Gotham. What lovely clouds we have today.
11.2k likes 3.2k retweeted 7.5k Comments
Dick GAYson🗸 @ FlyingGraysonJr
I don't think you understand, Baby shark is stuck in my head. Send. Help.
13.7k Likes 9.2k retweeted 10.2k Comments
Jay son🗸 @ zombierebellion
Y'all can talk shit but my shade is Gucci, so watch yourself
10.8k Likes 4.5k retweeted 9k Comments
Tim Drake🗸 @ sleepwhenimdead
I don't need a nap, I need a coffin.
12.7k Likes 4.1k retweeted 7.8k Comments
Damian Wayne🗸 @ TheBloodSon
I'm never letting @ FlyingGraysonJr name one of my pets again...
15.9k Likes 5.2k retweeted 10.7k Comments
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Dick GAYson🗸 @ FlyingGraysonJr
What's wrong with Dingleshnorf?
18.4k Likes 6.9k retweeted 11.9k Comments
Tim Drake🗸 @ sleepwhenimdead
I would say "I need a life" but the reason I'm depressed Is cause I have one
12.7k Likes 4.5k retweeted 9.3k Comments
Jay Son🗸 @ zombierebellion
Everyone stop what you're doing right fucking now and Google Scotland's national animal
22.9k Likes 8.2k retweeted 14.2k Comments
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Dick GAYson🗸 @ FlyingGraysonJr
WHAT
9k Likes 3.4k retweeted 5.1k Comments
Dick GAYson🗸 @ FlyingGraysonJr
If it's called "submissive", than shouldn't Dominant be called "missive"?
11.3k Likes 6.8k retweeted 17k Comments
Damian Wayne🗸 @ TheBloodSon
Selfless acts are only recognised if you want them to be recognised, so does that make it selfless? Good deeds are so often overlooked. what makes a wrong or right? What makes mutual morality? Judge only by personal opinion. But what right is there to judge? Where’s the humanity
15.9k Likes 9.5k retweeted 17.4k Comments
Dick GAYson🗸 @ FlyingGraysonJr
@ itsallaboutspeed Thanks for the "Happy Fathers day to my favorite Dilf" card, Walls.
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Wally West @ itsallaboutspeed
@ FlyingGraysonJr Wouldn't have it any other way. 😘
Bruce Wayne🗸 @ BrucieWayneOfficial
Hey everyone, Bruce Wayne here asking you to stay home to help stop the spread of Corona Virus. Link:Youtube.watch/BruceWayne/Coronatalk
Jason Todd 100% listens to "Look what you made me do" by Taylor Swift
When it says "The old Taylor can't come to the phone right now. Why? Cause she's dead." He always replaces it with his name.
He sings it jumping from roof to roof while everyone's radio silent and his code name is Taylor.
If anyone asks him why, he says "Cause it's a mood"
Dick: Lil' D, If you were an angle; you'd be acute one!
Damian: That was revolting.
Jason: What about me?
Tim: Ad-Jason-t
Dick: High fives Tim
Batboys as D&D Races...
Dick: Bard-- obviously-- and Genasi, since he's decended from Gypsies.
Jason: Paladin Tiefling.
Tim: Warlock Kalashtar.
Damian: Elvish Assassin Rougue, class Eladrin for his unpredictable behavior.
The batfamily as romantic types...
Dick: The hopeless romantic and flirt, shameless, makes it known who he likes.
Jason: The confused about emotions but still making an effort; getting flowers that he probably just snatched from a feild, buying chocolates and gets embarassed about any positive feedback.
Tim: Border on stalking until he finds out what they like to use that as a tactical advantage, as well as over-analyzies every scenario.
Damian: Very foreward and very formal with everything, probably escort them to his Dads private yacht for a dinner date under candles and stars, being very serious the entire time.
Bruce: Emotionally constipated but sincere.
Barbra: Drops hints, but a lot of them. At once. Sometimes scares people but no one can turn her down, it's Barbra. Does not take no for an answer.
Cassandra: Very shy around them and makes casual comments; "You look nice today." etc.
Duke: Charming and patient, always there for his romantic interest as a friend first and lover second.
Batboys going grocery shopping
Dick: In the cart
Jason: pushing the cart
Damian: Scowling at the two idiots he regretfully calls his brothers
Tim: Has a separate cart and getting the groceries, pretending to not know them
Everyone: Watching the two oldest people in the group be the most irrisponsible.
Jason: Whatever, accidents happen.
Jason, pointing at Damian: How do you think he got here?
Damian: I will definestrate you, Todd.
Batfam on a rollar coaster:
Dick: Screaming in joy
Jason: Screaming in fear
Tim: Bored af
Damian: Pouting but secretly enjoying it
Bruce: Sitting stiff, internally screaming
Alfred: Sipping tea somehow without spilling
Jason, snickering: shhhh...
Tim, peacfully reading:...
Jason: sneaks up and shoots a gun at the ceiling
Tim: jumps off the couch THIS IS WHY DAD DOESEN'T FUCKING LOVE YOU!
Damian: Give it back, Todd!
Jason, holding a batarang over his head: What are you gonna do? Stab me?
Damian: Pulls out throwing knife yes.
Jason: wait, what?
Damian: stabs him
Jason: You little B*tch!
Bruce: appears Hey, no swearing.
Jason: Demon just stabbed me!
Bruce: Damian, what did I tell you about stabbing your brothers?
Damian: sighs don't stab your brothers...
Tim: If I ever meet the first person who said "I'll sleep when I'm dead" I'm going to kill them.
Dick: Relax, Tim. Just drink your coffee.
Tim: This isn't even coffee. It's a 12 pack of Five hour energy mixed with cocoa powder...
Jason: An entire pack of 12 hour energy?
Tim: Does anyone else see the talking squirril?
Dick: uhhh, Tim? Squirrils don't talk.
Tim: Cool, just checking my sanity.
Dick: Last night was a mistake and we must agree to never speak of it ever again.
Tim: Okay.
Jason: What happened last night?
Dick: No.
Tim: ...
Dick: Tim... Don't.
Tim: But...
Dick: Tim...
Tim: ...I saw Dick at the men's club.
Jason: Okay?
Tim: He was on the pole.
Jason: oh.
Dick: If you wake up glued to the ceiling, no one will help you.
Jason: I would help.
Dick: You'd join him.
Damian: I would laugh.
Dick: I know you would, Damian.
(On a mission, the skylight window of Badguys™ hideout)
Dick: Okay, Redhood take the west wing. Red Rob--
Damian: Jumps into room with heavily armed men
Dick: ROBIN! YOU CAN'T JUST-- WHERE IS YOUR WEAPON?
Damian: I AM THE WEAPON!
Tim, to Damian: I swear if we survive, I'm going to kill you.
Jason: I knew I liked this kid.
Dick: Why am I always put on babysitting combat trained vigilante children.
Tim, sighing exasparatingly: I don't know how to get a girls attention.
Jason: Ask Dick. He's gay and still a chick magnet.
Dick: Talking to some girls on the other side of the room
Tim: I can't even get a guys attention! How the hell does he do that?
Jason: I don't know. HEY DICK!
Dick, turns around and litteral sparkles apear around him: Yes?
Jason, confused and distressed: Nevermind. Yea, your screwed as long as he's in the picture.
Tim: Damn.
Jason, raising a gun: I know a way to get him out of the picture?
Tim: We are not going to kill Dick, hijack a garbage truck to feed his corpse to and move to LA, Jason.
Jason: sadly lowers gun
Batman: phone rings "Hello?"
Tim: "DadJasonjustshottheguninthehouseandnoweverythingisinabsoluteanarchypleasecomesaveme" dodges vase "oh my god, DAMIAN! GO PUT THE TIGER BACK!"
Justice Legue: ...
Batman: "Wait, slow down. Jason did what? Damian has a Tiger?"
Tim: "Do you really need to ASK? THERE'S A TIGER IN THE HOUSE, BRUCE!"
Batman: "I'll be home soon. Is everyone okay?"
Tim: "My mental stability isn't but I think their fine-" BANG "Nevermind, Damian's been shot."
Batman: "Where is Alfred?"
Tim: "Silently watching us in the corner of the room." pause of silence "OH GOD, THERE'S A FIRE! I gotta go."
click
Batman: Emergency. I have to leave.
Superman, that heard everything with Super-hearing: ... Right. So-
Dick: I am, in fact, a snack; People just aren't hungry.
Wally: I'm fucking starving.
Damian, scowling: You're both disgraces.
Dick: What are cute names to call your other half?
Tim: Sugar.
Jason: Honey.
Tim: ...Eggs.
Dick: What?
Jason, smirking: 1/2 lb butter.
Dick: Guys...
Tim: Stir.
Dick: Tim, no.
Jason: Pour into pan.
Dick: Jason, stop.
Tim: Preheat to 350.
Dick, sighing heavily: I hate you.
Tim: Love you too, preheat to 350.
Jason: Hate you too, pour into pan.
Tim, calling out: I'm leaving!
Jason: Where are you going?
Tim: Hell, most likely.
Jason: Oh, pick me up on the way.
Tim: Carpool?
Dick, running away with arms full of cereal boxes: Stay away from me!
Tim, running after him: YOU HAVE AN ADDICTION!!
Jason, running after Tim: HE TOOK MY GUN!
Dick: Cereal is my soulmate!
Tim: Get a life!
Dick: I'd die without my Frosted Flakes!
Jason: At least you won't be eating that junk!
Dick: I'll be burried with a box of Froot Loops!
Tim: Give it up! It's an unhealthy obsession!
Dick: hisses in raisin bran
Bang
Dick: YOU JUST SHOT ME!
Tim: Oh shit, I'm so sorry!
Jason: What have I told you about running with guns?!
Damian: I'm gonna put myself up for adoption.
Jason: Is it worse to wear a Fedora or kill fifteen people?
Dick: ...Why is that even in question?
Jason: What if I kill fifteen people wearing a fedora?
Tim: It's a Fedoral Crime.
Damian: I'm about to kill you all if you don't stop.
Bruce: Who's going to help me take down Superman?
batchildren™: crickets
Bruce: Really? None of you? You're my kids!
Jason, from the back: We're adopted!
Bruce: Damian isn't.
Damian: I'm dating Superman's son, I can't kill Jon's dad.
Everyone else: ...
Bruce: Tim?
Tim: I'm actually dating Kon...
Bruce:... Jason?
Jason: Fuck you, old man. I just don't like you.
Bruce: Dick, tell me you aren't dating someone from the superfamily, too.
Dick: Nope.
Bruce: sigh of relief
Dick: Only Wally!
Bruce, realizing all of his kids are dating the pupils of the colleagues he dislikes most: I'm gonna go take a nap...