Hikikomori - Blog Posts

needy streamer overload

I bought the game because it was on sale so I don't regret buying it.

and it reminded me of an app called virtual and how you can be a vt-uber and shit. so i said fuck it why not im bored and lonely and might as well be a cute anime girl too.

i redownloaded it

but for fuck sakes its camera is awful at tracking

and im so goddam awful at socializing and i fucking wished it had an app on the pc BUT EVEN IF IT DID MY SHIT INTERNET IS SO GODDAM SLOW AND I CANT DO SHIT JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE

so im stuck here in my room doing nothing but be on my phone and laptop. seeing other people do things i want to do. why cant that be me also. If i can't do shit how am i going to earn money. my anxiety holds me back i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this.

the only friend i have are online but even that is a pain in the ass BECAUSE OF MY SHITTY ASS WIFI THE FUCKING PING IS SO DAMN HIGH SO IM JUST WATCHING THEM HANGOUT WITH EACHOTHER WHILE I JUST STAND BY AND WATCH I CANT EVEN DOWNLOAD FUCKING VALORANT WITHOUT IT TAKING THE WHOLE DAY BITCH ASS CUNT KYS

About to reinstall discord!!

To check if i missed any important messages!1!!

To check if my favorite person messaged me!!!

To only see an empty inbox

To 0 messages

To an empty dm list.

Another reminder that I have no one to talk to.

Sunflowers- They always face towards the sun. That’s how I want to be like.

🌻

Sorry this is so late; this is the inktober for yesterday TvT also so sorry if it’s hard to see! 😭

"The world is terrible and the only job I can keep is selling my art. Let's try again."

Too many artists, oversaturated market.

Ai Bros fucking artists over.

My normal style isn't something most people would be interested in.

"Let's make a new style that isn't overly common to see, so we'll stand out more."

Several huge artists with similar styles.

Their stuff is more polished than mine.

"Guess I can't do this either. Goddamn it."

What if it was years ago, and they didn't exactly try to change, but things aren't as bad as they used to be.

I still feel the pain, but she's has been too terrible recently so I would feel bad if I finally left after all this time. After being a jobless shut in due to depression and possibly autism....

You don't have to feel bad for not wanting to be around the people who hurt you.

No, "but they're your family."

No, "but you used to be friends."

No, "but you have to put up with it because they're your partner."

No.

If someone hurts you repeatedly and there is no indication of them trying to do better, you are allowed to dislike contact with them.

So many people feel guilt over not wanting to be around people that intentionally hurt them.

It's not wrong of you to want distance.

It's not wrong of you to want to be treated well.