Experience Tumblr Like Never Before
◈ yeeyee
when kian gets past the point of drunk, teetering ever so lightly on hammered, he gets a little clingy, a little giggly, and a lot honest. it’s really a recipe for disaster. somewhere in his foggy mind, he knows this and his subconscious is screaming at him to just go home. but he doesn’t listen. “can i stay with you tonight?” he practically whines, arms wrapped around moonsu’s neck as he hangs off of him. he knows he’ll say yes, but he pouts anyway. it’s dangerous to be in this position when you’re not an entirely honest person, but it’s freeing. which is something that kian very rarely feels these days. “we can do whatever you want.” he sings, pressing his nose against the boy’s cheek. he kisses the soft skin there then presses another to the corner of his mouth.
dropping one hand from around his neck, he lets it trail over his chest then circles around and hops on moonsu’s back without permission. “you’re so nice, susu.” he compliments, nuzzling his nose behind the other’s ear. “i wish you weren’t, i wish you were mean. then maybe i wouldn’t feel so bad every time we’re together.” he confesses, closing his eyes as he leans all of his body weight on him. “everything would be a lot easier if you just hated me.” he mumbles. “i’m not supposed to feel bad, i never do. but you’re just so … nice.” he repeats again. “stop being nice, seriously.” he chastises. “so when i hurt you, i won’t feel guilty.”
✦
kian is good at what he does, good at pretending to be someone he’s not but, every now and then, the cracks start to show. especially when he’s had a bit to drink, his face flushed, and vision blurry. that’s when he truly has to be careful because, if not, pieces of the real kian show through. pieces he wants no one to see. it’s in times like these that he wishes he lived alone, but he doesn’t. he has a roommate; one that, admittedly, may be his favorite plaything. which is somewhat disastrous because while, in normal circumstances, he bathes in the admiration and the attention that seojun gives him, in others, he finds himself ready to snap. sometimes he needs to be alone, to get his head together, and this is one of those times. he can’t be pretend kian right now, he just can’t. he doesn’t have it in him. but he also doesn’t want seojun to see. “can you just—” he grits his teeth, fitting his hands between their bodies to shove the other boy away, “back off?!”
his eyes narrow, brows knitting together. “i’m fine.” he states, emphasizing the period of his sentence for finality. he doesn’t want to argue, he just wants to go to bed. “you don’t need to babysit me, you’re not my mother.” he throws out, the words bitter on his tongue and slightly slurred. he stumbles over his own feet, but catches himself on the armrest of their worn down couch. “i can get drunk if i want to, when i want to.” he adds, but he’s really just arguing with the air at this point. seojun is too nice for this type of confrontation. especially when it comes to kian. he shrugs off his jacket and kicks off his shoes, tripping over the laces. he curses under his breath, but doesn’t let it stop him on the way to his room. “goodnight!” he calls over his shoulder, raising his hand to wave him off.
✪
being stuck in an elevator, he thinks, is a blessing in disguise. most people would see it as something to fear or something to be frustrated over, but kian only sees it as an opportunity. or, at least, he would if he were stuck in one with literally anyone else other than jiwon. the two of them are like a hurricane meeting a tornado and his usual facade of the nice boy who goes to church every sunday doesn’t seem to faze her. they butt heads way more than they probably should, but he can’t deny that he kind of likes it; revels in it, in fact. “you know,” he starts, leaning his head back against the metal wall, “this would be a great time for us to really get to the root of our problems.” he suggests, his head lolling to the side to look at her. “i don’t wanna leave anything unresolved as i cross over into the afterlife.”
he smiles, but he doesn’t even believe it’s all sweet and innocent himself. “or a good hate-fuck might be the way to go. leave this world with a bang, right?” he suggests, breathing a light laugh through his nose. he means for it to come off as a joke, of course, because that’s what pretend kian would do. but, if she was down, then he would be too. “i mean, i know i’m suppose to save myself for marriage but—” he trails his finger down the wall, watching his reflection, “i think god would give me a pass. don’t you think?” he quirks a brow, the smile still tugging at the corners of his mouth.