Ana Rambles - Blog Posts

I wanted to get on here and just thank all of y’all for 150 followers. I love you all so much, you’re so sweet and amazing and awesome. Even though this community is built around the unwell, I’ve met some of the nicest people on here, so just once more, thank you!

I live for ts ^

(Not my photo)

(Also they’re only ten calories?How??)

March absolutely sucked. Praying for an angelic Ana April.

(Wishing you all one as well)

No way, I'm actually so mf done. Okay, so yesterday, I was hanging out with my friends, and they know that I’m insecure about my weight and stuff. Not about this and my ED or whatever, but they know to some extent. So I'm sitting there, and I pinch my friend as a joke, it’s a thing we do to each other every time we see a yellow car. I pinch her, and I was standing beside someone else. She yells at me, and I ask her how she knew it was me. She told me I have fat fingers. wtf? Yeah, then she proceeds to tell me that the girl next to me has skinny, small hands. I wanted to cry more than I ever have, I think. I think what kills me over everything else is that she knows I'm insecure. I've opened up to her. I honestly feel so sick.

I hate everything right now. It feels like my body was made to hold fat. I can’t lose anything anymore. I’m literally so done.

(Not my photo)

72 hour fast starting today, I’ve decided.

Hell yeah!!

My current affirmation^

Resist the urge

I hate boys almost as much as I hate food!

(He got a new gf)

Day two has passed!🥳 2/5 fast

TW RANT AB MY MOM

Ik I might sound crazy but I want my mom to worry. I want her to feel bad for not realizing the pain I was going through, how bad I’ve been getting. I want her to know that every time she ever said something about me being a bad person it didn’t just affect her, but me too. She thinks that it’s all about her because of her addiction, but I want her to know that she isn’t the only one with problems. She is always going on about her stuff, how much her recovery has changed her, don’t get me wrong I’m really proud of her but it’s like since she has recovered she hates me sm, like whenever she was drinking she would tell me how much she loved me, how special I was, but now that she’s been recovered she can’t even speak without saying something remotely rude about my existence. I want to be the girl she thought I was. I think that If I get bad enough she will start to worry and maybe care again? Idk I’m crazy but whoever made it this far, thanks for listening.

I’m so done. I’m going back to school in a few hours, I just pulled out a chunk of my hair, I ruined my fast, and if I tell my parent they’ll send me back to the ward, and I have a therapist appt later today.