My Dumbass 

Guide:

Welcome to my blog. I write for Male and NB reader, ladies I love y’all but I don’t write she/her content. You can still check out my blog though ❤️. Anyways here you can let dark desires flow and have fun! I write smut, headcannons, angst, fluff, fics, ficlets and match-up’s! Don’t be afraid to slide into my inbox anytime for anything. The only boundaries I have are no bodily fluid kinks except spit and cum I guess. (For smut) Content does get dark beware. Their will ALWAYS be a CW! Or TW! For stuff that is needed. Btw some content is way older so be warned 💀

THIS ACCOUNT IS NO LONGER IN USE FOLLOW @mr-bas00nist

Albert Wesker, Suggestive: GN reader

Out Of the Depths: Chris Redfield

Various smut: AMAB! Monster Reader

Chris Redfield: Male reader

SubTrans! Micheal Myers: Male Reader

Albert Wesker, Suggestive: GN reader

Sub!Evan Macmillian: Male Reader

The Entity Smut: GN reader

Frank Morrison Fluff: Gn! Reader

Sadako Yammamura fluff: GN Reader

Mikaela Reid: GN reader

Chris Redfield: Male reader

Josiah: Agressively Caring GN s/o

Jeff the killer smut: GN reader

Thomas Hewitt: Micheal Myers: Angst

Sub!Patrick Bateman: GN reader

Sub!Parasoul Smut: GN reader

Sub!Bloodhound smut: GN reader

Sub! Connor: GN reader

The Boys+Gwen: GN! Parently reader

Yandere Vance: Male reader

Vance: Gn! Bimbo Reader

Vance Comfort: GN reader

Vance Fluff, Picnic: GN reader

Lucky Chloe Headcanon NsfwSfw:GN

Sub! Eddie Munson: Gn reader

Billy Hargrove fluff: GN reader

Sub!Billy Hargrove: Male reader

Hange Angst: GN reader

Micheal Afton Fluff: Gn reader

Main 3: Gn s/o who can sing

Stone Ocean Girls: GN possessive reader

Anyways thanks for checking this out enjoy your stay!

(Tagging my Mutuals ❤️ @morwap @natti-ice @momma-vi @whateverthefuckyouwantiguess @brandnewhuman @allen-444 )

Asexual erasers «people» like you should dni with life

They did it yall-

(im hypersexual from tramua i cant help it 💅👺😭🥰🤪💕😳😱😡😱😤😱🤯🙄😲😈😈🤡🦵🦵)

IM GLAD YOUR WRITING AGAIN YOU SEXY BEAST ❤️❤️❤️

Anyways König🙌

THE COD MALEWIFE

♡ random headcanons ♡

☆ starring ☆

♡ könig aka the most babygirl of them all ♡

Tw: mentions of anxiety, weight and mature language. Other than that pure fluff

A/N: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. YOU DON'T GET IT HOW MUCH THIS MAN IS STARTING TO GROW ON ME. THIS FUCKING TALL ASS BITCH AND THE OTHER GIANT JACK SKELLIGNTON FUCKER ARE THE BAIN OF MY EXISTENCE. I needed to do write for him, you can blame it on tiktok and it's sinful content and @bloodlst for fueling my obsession

He knows a lot of cool fidgeting tricks with pencils or knives because he needs to keep his hands busy when he's nervous.

It's almost like a security blanket for him when he's around too many people, he carries something he can fidget with and uses it

I can't stress this enough but tall people have back pains and oh boy if könig is tall

He is always cranky in the morning because of it and because he loves to just sleep in the weirdest fucking positions ever

Which is funny cause otherwise his postures is always very straight and stiff, it just that when he sleeps he gets all weird

About that, he hates, absolutely despises, the beds they have during missions

THEY'RE TOO SMALL OKAY? AND TOO THIN AND HE CAN'T FUCKING REST WELL AT ALL

which makes me absolutely sure he downs coffee likes it's fucking water

His breakfast is basically a big ass mug of coffee first and then some herbal or fruity tea or maybe some juice

He loves sweets but has a weirdly good self control

He just likes the idea of savouring things rather than eating all at once bc they're so good

Besides I just know he has also a tendency to gain weight more easily than the others

He just tries to be as healthy and balanced with things as much possible bro

The only times he doesn't pays much attention to what he eats is around the holidays or when he gets to see his family

Which always ends up in him putting some weight but he doesn't cares that much, he always gets in shape before getting back to work

He loves to read, he carries a book everywhere he goes and ITS THAT TYPE OF PERSON WHO CAN'T FUCKING HIDE THEIR REACTION TO WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE STORY

You can actively see this unit of a man closing the book and like getting up and walking away two steps just to turn around and keep reading

HE CAN'T HANDLE THE DRAMA OKAY? LEAVE HIM ALONE

He does not look his age at all. Either bc of how youthful he acts or bc he looks really young no one has ever guessed his age and it's something he find quite funny so he just let people try to figure it out on their own

People are often really mean with him and sometimes really harsh. He knows they're just playing around and they mess up with everyone like that but he gets genuinely hurt sometimes

No one notices cause he always takes it like a champ tho

I feel like ghost kind of gets annoyed at him. Not for the reason you may think

He's just looks always so serene and at peace, but most importantly happy and it's something ghost can't comprehend given what they do for a living

Key word is looks

König is not a sad person by default and he recovers pretty quickly for certain things but he always carries around a weight of guilt and self doubt that is unbearable sometimes

Much like ghost, this man is kind of scare of himself really

He always worries about ending up being some sort of psycho who has no regards towards human lives

He gets so carried away when he's on the mission and often does not realise how efficient and kind of brutal he can get

He is absolutely scared of ghost. Everytime he is in the same room with him he just gets so nervous he ends up embarrassing himself more than once

Look, I may be projecting onto him but I KNOW THIS MAN AND HE HAS HIS JAW FUCKED UP FROM CLENCHING IT TOO MUCH

like I have anxiety and my jaw is dislocated cause ever since I was a kid I was always clenching my jaw while sleeping or unconsciously while going about my day so I just know that someone like him has the same problem

He has definitely popped his jaw and hurted his ear more than once and has ADORABLE CROOKED TEETH CAUSE I DO AND I WANT HIM TOO OKAY?

he is really good at signing but everyone thinks he's not because the few times he has tried to sing in front of someone he fucked up from being too nervous

He knows how to play piano. As matter of fact he has one at home

Prefers wine over beer or cocktails but has a weird ass liking for strong liquors

And BTW he is annoyingly hard to get drunk, this man could get down shot after shot and still be as lucid as ever

Which soap found out by embarrassing himself. König ended up trying to take care for him the whole night cause he felt guilty

When he gets angry is not a pretty scene. He's always so jolly and easy going even if you're rude to him so is hard for him to get angry, but when he snaps this man is not playing around

Smells of fresh laundry and lemon perfume

He is still pretty mad about not being able to be a sniper. Specially because he's good at his job, he knows he is but no one believed in him and his abilities bc of his height and his anxiety

When he was younger everyone always used to talk over him because he had difficulty with speech due to his anxiety

He used to get so frustrated to the point of crying and since no one ever had the patience to listen to him he just used to write on notebooks all the things no one ever wanted to hear

He still does it and has like a lot of diaries filled with rants, thoughts, jokes ecc

When he was younger he used to listen to the FILTHIEST SONGS not knowing what they were about because he didn't understand English well

When he's nervous his accent slips a little bit

He writes letters to his loved ones and specially his s/o when his away from home and has the prettiest handwriting ever

Why am I still fucking single.

I have stretch marks.

Reblog if you do too. Just to prove that it is more normal than what people actually think.

Chapter 4: Brain Busters

Chris Redfield x male reader

Summary: As soon as you come back your best friends both fall out a window. Of fucking course. But you do have Chris and a new friend. 🙌

Chris calls everything in talking to them about Jill. You were in the corner with your head down thinking. He walks up to you putting a hand on your shoulder. “They didn’t find her body, she’s probably still alive.” You scoff “I’m gonna be honest with you Redfield, if Jill is alive so is Wesker. We both know that’s not good.” You we’re right like usual. 

He nods as you both hear helicopters and cars pull up. He waits for you when your finally slug yourself up walking with him to the car. 

A week? It’s been about a week. Your sitting at your old desk wandering down memory lane. When all of you were attached to the hip. When you first met Albert. He was cold but kind. You earned his trust and he did the same. You guys always competed against each other yet still held the same amount of value. No matter win or lose. You hear a knock on your door as you perk up fixing your tie. “Come in.” You say spinning in your chair. 

“I’ve got someone new sir.” You look to see woman in her mid 20s. “Hello there, I’m Sheva Alomar.” She shakes your hand with a curt smile as you give one back. “They got reports back on Wesker, we think we know where he is.” You quirk an eyebrow as Chris answers. 

“There’s this one place that’s been on the radar a lot lately. We think Wesker may be there.” You stand up grabbing your suit coat and bag of guns. “Well, come on hustle hustle!” You run pass them as they follow.

You look up to the dusty evening sky as Chris watches you closely. “Something on my face Chris?” You ask with a smile as he shakes his head no. Sheva looks back and forth with a slight smile. He was blank on what to say letting out ‘uhhs and mhmms’. Sheva smiles “So Mr.L/n I hear you quit than came back. What made you do that?”

“Well Jill contacted me telling me some stuff about Wesker and I had to come back. Plus I wanted to see how Chris over here matured.” Chris rolled his eyes with a smile. “Don’t roll your eyes at me Redfield.” You play around a bit teasing Chris. You all laugh. “What about you rookie?” You ask with a look of interest.

“For revenge, he killed people deep to me.” You nod with a sorrowful smile. You begin stretching as you all start getting closer to a lab. “I’m guessing this is it?” You ask as Chris nods. “Alright come on guns out and ready.” You guys ready up your guns, of course more zombies come your way. 

Guts and blood everywhere, part of the job you thought. “Careful we’ve got more coming up!” Chris shouts changing to another gun from your bag. You go beside Chris as you both begin shooting. Chris and Sheva put their guns down. You look behind you aiming the guns at Chris’s head shooting it as he ducks. “Sir?!” You laugh pointing behind you. 

“You’ve still got it captain.” You wink as you all look at the zombie with a gaping hole through its head. To be honest you all were having fun. Cracking jokes killing zombies it was nice. You’ve said this before and you’ll say it again. You’ve missed this. 

“Alright my Brain Busters. Any ideas were Dr. Wesker may be residing?” They laugh a bit at the nickname. Your head almost does a full 360 as you see something out the corner of your eyes. You pause for a moment as Chris looks at you with the same look:

“Guess I’m not crazy?” “Oh you are but I saw that to.” He says walking in-front of you. You all pull your guns back out rushing to where you saw the color of white. You look over to see a woman dressed in white. You grab Chris’s shoulder shushing him as you point.

She had black hair and a white dress on. “Excella.” You state with a eye roll. “Weskers assistant. She would always flirt with me and Wesker.” Sheva nods as you guys watch where she’s going. “Stay quiet. Chances are she’ll lead us to Wesker come on.” 

Chris and Sheva look at each other with a nod as they follow you quietly. You all get led into a lab with documents and syringes. She picks one up taking it with her. You see she took a black syringe. You watch  Chris and Sheva look at all the Documents intently. 

“Interesting.” You mumble seeing another syringe with a white substance. You look around and shove it into your pocket quickly. Chris and Sheva were taking picture of a bunch of documents. “Corrupt fucking people I’ll tell you that much.” Chris grumbles. “Alright come on guys. Let’s do this.” They nod dropping the files and replacing them with there guns.

“Shall we?”

@whateverthefuckyouwantiguess @allen-444 enjoy 😍

Chapter 7: Partners? 

Chris Redfield x Male reader

Summary: You all realize how close you guys are and how much you care about each other. If only on better circumstances.

You guys made your way to another lab. You take in heavy breaths of the stale air. Chris’s heavy boots get closer as he appears next to you. “American air.” You say with a laugh. Chris tilts his head with a confused smile. “Where do you live sir?” You lean against the wall. “Europe actually.”

He nods with a smile. “Mhm, always wanted to go, never got the chance though.” He explains “When we get out of here, do you wanna go on a vacation with me?” You ask with a excited smile. He perks up a bit. “We could travel Europe! Rome, Madrid, Bern, Brussels even fucking London Chris.” You explain with expressive body language.

He smiles thinking about it. “Sounds fun.” He gives a smile as you give a brighter one back. Sheva calls you guys open as she gets the lab door open. “Come on!” She shouts as you all follow close behind.

Warehouse, labs after labs was all that seemed in your path. Finally you guys open a door making your way outside. The light was rough on your eyes. “Over there!” Sheva shouts pointing to Excella and Wesker. “It’s time to put an end to this, let’s go.” You all nod following Chris down the heavy set stairs. 

“This ship is huge.” You say amazed. “Do you think there using it to spread uroborus?” Sheva asks, you think to yourself. “No, it’d give away their position to soon.” Chris says grabbing more weapons. 

You guys begin to hand each other weapons. You smile handing chris your flamethrower. “Take this partner.” You wink as Chris scoffs with a smile. You guys continue to find more crates as you stuff them in your bag. You all of a sudden feel this weird feeling in your stomach as you move out the way quickly. 

All of a sudden a bunch of zombie dogs rush to the spot you were. Guess that’s why. Chris grabs his gun shooting them with ease and precision as Sheva goes to finish the job he turns behind as more mutants come down. 

You look at Chris as he nods, he grabs the first one punching him and stunning him. Chris walks by the second one as he swings his bat into Chris. He lets out a cry of pain as you grab it’s head ripping it off. 

You wipe the crimson of your face as Chris pants. You look behind you to see the decapitated man thrashing. You shoot the uroborus coming out the mans decapitated head. 

Finally you guys make it into another room as you all see Excella. “Ah y/n dont let these freaks hurt me my dear.” She says dramatically. Chris growls at her as Sheva takes the lead. She begins to run as you shoot one of her briefcases knocking it out of her hand. Chris rushes after her as she locks the door on him. 

“She’s tough I’ll give her that much.” You nod as you look at the injections. “Mr. L/n is this?” Sheva asks and you nod. You guys finally make your way out the room breaking out of it as you begin to walk down the hall. You guys make it to another huge warehous. You guys watch as a box opens as more mutants come out. “Isn’t that a nice gift.” You roll you’re eyes.

One electrocutes Sheva as you push her out the way kicking it in its back. 

After killing a few more you guys make it to the elevator catching your breath. “So you’ve made it this far.” Wesker spoke with no emotion as usual. “To bad you won’t make it much further.” 

You guys make it out the elevator to see Excella moaning in pain. “Why when I’ve done so much for you..?” She groans out in pain. “Ah, Chris and Y/n how nice of you to join us.” You hear Weskers voice from a speaker. He gives his usual speech and you can’t help but feel somewhat bad for Excella. 

She thought that they were gonna rein together but she was simply manipulated by him like you were. “It seems you won’t make it much further.” Wesker speaks as you grit your teeth. “Step back.” You spoke putting your hand out as they move back. “Goodbye old friend.” Wesker speaks as the line goes blank.

“Albert!” She shouts as uroborus shoots out of her. “Nasty fucking way to go.” You speak as the other bodies get absorbed into her. You start to tremble a bit as you breath calming yourself “Run! Now!” You all nod and begin to run as giant tentacles try to kill you. Not an ideal 2 weeks back but here we are. 

More zombies more blood more guts, the usual. Chris and Sheva take control as you search everything. You come across Spencer’s notebook. You huff as you put it in your pocket.

You guys make it to a room as the giant mutant octopus sees you all. Chris picks a weapon you’ve never seen up as he takes a shoot. It screams in agony “That’s it hit again!” Sheva shouts as you all run to the other side. He waits till it charges as he shoots it again. “Atta boy!” You shout as you shoot the tentacles in the ground with as much brutality as you can.

It was starting to get tired you could tell. Chris had tentacles that started to envelope him. “Chris I’ve got it.” He hands you the gun as you aim carefully. With a deep breath you aim it perfectly as it lets out a final cry tumbling down as it succumbs. 

Chris gets the tentacles off of him as he looks at you with admiration. Thanks for saving me.” You look at him with a look of anger. “You saved us Chris I just delivered the final blow. Almost all this was you and Sheva I only brought the weapons and blew a couple heads off.” He rolled his eyes as you guys began to follow Sheva.

@whateverthefuckyouwantiguess @allen-444

*cums*

(Love this ❤️)

So @bloodlst and I were talking about how unfair it is that no one seems to care about könig enough to draw him maskless. Now, I am no artist but I wanted to bring justice to my beloved austrian King

Besides the fact that anatomy isn't clearly what I excel for may I present you maskless könig

I took in consideration some of my könig obsessed bestie headcanons like the big hair corners ecc

When I think of könig I see him as a mix between Paul bettany and Austin butler. I wanted to recreat that

Sanpaku eyes, big straight nose, wavy soft hair, not too ripped but not too soft either. I gave him dimples too and scars AND A FACIAL SCAR CAUSE I KNOW THIS IDIOT WOULD NEVER MANAGE TO KEEP HIS FACE SAFE

I'm a little bit self-conscious about how I draw but once again my lovely moot has helped me in having a little bit of confidence with my drawings

I'VE TRIED AT LEAST

ily🤍🤍

Ilyt :) (ty I needed this ❤️)

Chapter 2: Situations

Chris Redfield x Male reader

Summary: Travelings a bitch, that’s it.

ou’ve always hated the amount of people going to travel. So much people in clusters was so overwhelming.

 You sighed angrily as you went up to one of the employees. “Uh” you pulled out your old badge “Y/n L/n, Jill Valentine said I was bought a ticket.” The lady looks on her computer nodding. “Here you are, your free to go.” You give her a smile as you place your luggage down.

The sun was setting giving the sky a pretty orange hue. You yawn as you begin to sleep in your chair Getting your well deserved nap. You awake to someone shaking your shoulder. One of the workers. “You’re gonna miss your flight sir.” They smile as you yawn walking to the plane. 

Everyone boards the plane huddled together, yelling and chatter was all around. Overstimulation to say the least. You let out a relaxed sigh. Putting your headphones on listening to music. 

You begin to doze off again as sleep takes you with a soft yet firm grasp. A few hours later you slowly open your eyes to a dark sky. You looked at your phone as you changed your time zone. “12 am…” you mutter sleepily. You should be there in a little. You looked down at all the lights. America. You scoff. 

The attendant walks down the aisle and hands you a bowl. Tomato soup, simple yet delicious. You calmly sipped it as the flight began to end. You feel the plane come to a halt as you stand up. You grab your luggage getting in line. 

You take a look around everything it was pitch black. You hear your burner ringing as you put it up to your ear. “Hey sir where are you?” You hear Jill ask. “Landing now.” You say with a loud yawn. “Keys are under the welcome mat, sending you the whereabouts.” You give a hum of approval as you hang up. You walk to the street as a car pulls up. 

“Y/n L/n right?” The man asks in the car you nod. “I’m here to take you to your house S.T.A.R.S sent me.” He shows a badge as you get in. You both drive in silence as you enjoy the quietness of the mid-west. 

You pull up to a nice house. Medium sized, very pretty and nicely decorated. He smiles at you as you wave goodbye. You grab your key going inside. Everything had already been set up. You threw your luggage on the couch immediately heading to your bedroom with your burner. 

You send Jill a text letting her know your there safe. She begins to call you as you answer. “Hey Jill.” You groan. “Hey sir, nice to see you. Just wanted to make sure your actually there and didn’t get kidnapped.” You quirk an eyebrow giving an annoyed look “mhm, hows everything going so far.” “Situations after situation.”  She rubs her head.

 “You look really tired I’ll call you tomorrow at about…. How about 3:00 pm? If you wake up earlier and are well rested just come down to the station.” You nod as you begin to doze off on call. She smiles as she waves goodbye hanging up. You plug the phone in, immediately falling asleep.

This was gonna be ‘fun’.

@whateverthefuckyouwantiguess (simple chapter please reblog and like❤️