BPD Culture Is Crying Your Eyes Out At 1am Because You Can't Understand Why It Feels Like Everyone Around

bpd culture is loving the mood swing right after a bad breakdown. yea i was sobbing for 3 hours but now i’m feeling GREAT what about it

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Since i got my first tattoo i wanna have more (impulsive ones) 😭

Someone stop me i'm broke.

Plus, I found to much comfort in that pain oop~

bpd culture is "I love you and it's killing me"

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"We need more mental health acceptance and awareness!" Y'all still call ppl with cluster b disorders evil 💀

"We need more weird people!" Y'all COMBUST when someone is xenic 💀

"Healthy coping mechanisms are important!" When someone age regresses, you call them creepy 😭

"More people need to be proud of who they are!" When you see a furry, you cry 😭

(U should totes follow me if ur a supporter of these so I can b on the good side of tumblr XD /nf!)

Maybe, borderline is not the monster i see in it.

If I loose control and start to struggle with life, borderline kicks in.

Maybe its not to make it worser.

Maybe its desperate, trying to save my inner child, deeply burried under all the supressed emotions.

Maybe it just doesn't know how to do it a healthy way.

Who am i?

(Just a little vent, TW a single mention of selfharm and suicide in the end.)

In one moment i feel nothing at all, i found comfort in it.

Then, someone talks in another voice, and my mind gets crashed by selfhate and believing anyone is fooling with me. That often triggers Splitting, rage or depression.

No matter wich bpd episode; boredom, euphoria, anger, sadness, frustration, Splitting, lovesick, anxiety, dissociating, overthinking..

In big crows i am always on fight or flight.

Every single one feels so wrong, so different. Overwhelmingly and unbearable, causing my body to hurt and feel so weak.

Afterwards my mind feels so dead, guilty and ashamed. Like i don't think at all but still think so much if somebody can understand that.

If people ask what my Traits are, how could i say 'caring' if only care in a few of these episodes?

How can I say I will always listen? I really want to, but if I am in episodes i can't listen anymore.

What can i tell them, what wouldn't get destroyed by a episode?

What can i tell myself?

The only thing that stays with every damn episode is the thought of suicide or selfharm. But that's something rarely someone I meet will ever find out.

I know, I am more than bpd. We all are more than this illness.

Yet, from time to time i can't help it and ask myself, who am I.

Take care <3

I'm so tired of life, of not knowing who i am or how i am. Lately i can't even feel pity if someone tells me something sad.

I can't see people as white anymore until Splitting is suddenly over. I only splitted during being depressed for a long time now and since yesterday i feel like I never was depressed and i feel some weird euphoria and nothing at the same time.

Friday during therapy I got really pissed at my therapist for constantly asking me how i feel or why i feel like that because i don't know myself. I wanted to run away. I said sorry afterwards tho.

How long will it takes her to drop me?

Or actually helping me heal?

Because i don't know how to help myself anymore.

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Me, looking in the mirror: hm i don't even look that bad.

Also me, 5 mins later: nevermind.