I'm So Tired Of Life, Of Not Knowing Who I Am Or How I Am. Lately I Can't Even Feel Pity If Someone Tells

Can you help the hopeless?

Well, I'm begging on my knees

Can you save my bastard soul?

Will you wait for me?

I'm sorry, brothers, so sorry, lover.

Forgive me, father, I love you, mother.

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel my heart?

Can you feel my heart?

I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone.

I long for that feeling to not feel at all.

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

---

Love this song. Its my comfort song since years, seemingly to perfectly describe how i feel.

I am sorry for ghosting my friends. I am just not feeling good. Not at all.

If I finally answer them, most of them answer immediately. Why can't I be thankful for that? Because in that moments i am like "ugh now you have to also answer immediately."

Whats wrong with me? I really like most of them but i can't help it.

I want to leave this world, honestly.

We love the feeling of permanent panicattacks

They will never understand the sadness that you can physically feel in your chest

Something that definitely isn't talked enough about as a symptom from many borderliners are Hallucinations.

I myself have auditory hallucinations. Its really weird but luckily not scaring me yet.

Me, looking in the mirror: hm i don't even look that bad.

Also me, 5 mins later: nevermind.

The World of Black & White thinking.

The World of a person with Borderline.

No grey. No purple, nor blue or Red.

Its just Black or White. Liking or disliking, loving or hating.

Perhaps, i call you my light. Oh, The love i feel for my light can feel so beautiful and warm. Go on, cheat, hurt me, break my heart. As lang as you are my light, i dont care. Just make me feel loved and cared for. I will do anything for you.

No matter how selfdestructive i will end up, oh i love you.

But if The light dies, and youre just a Black hole.. oh, i hate you. So much it hurts. I remember everything you did wrong and now i use it against you.

But what about tomorrow? Will you be my light again?

Its easier to live for someone else than just for me.

I'm sorry for being who i am

What even is love?

I don't know how it feels.

I only know the feeling of obsession.

I LOVE you for some days, but then there is NOTHING. I feel nothing.

I don't know if i love you, i don't want to hurt you.

At some point you make me feel safe, on the other you scare me.

Fuck, i don't know what to do.

Romantisized Daddy issues/father complex.

No, daddy issues isn't liking to call someone 'daddy' in Bed, thats a kink and not a issue.

The father complex is a trauma response, so please stop romantisizing it out of respect.

Its much more than the liking in older men.

There are 3 Types:

Fearful - avoidant means that affected people avoid getting close to anyone. If they are in a relationship, they tend to run away from challenges. They struggle with intimacy.

Anxious - preoccupied means that affected ones are scared to be left, ofting causing relationship anxiety. Its common that they are really clingy and feel unsettled if they aren't with their partner.

Dismissive - avoidant means that affected ones have heavy trust issues, avoiding conservations and being scared of getting hurt again or to depend on anyone else than themselve.

Lets go over to common symptoms, the type of a father complex clearly depends on the symptoms.

Possessiveness & clingy behaviour.

Overabundance of love & assurance.

Using Sex to feel loved.

Dating (older) men that make you feel protected.

Being afraid to be alone. > jumping from one relationship into another.

Choosing repetitively abusive men.

Attachment issues.

Being afraid to be vulnerable.

Trust issues.

Not setting boundaries because you're scared they will leave if you say "no."

Idealizing your partner.

the father complex often comes with..

Depression

Persistent anger issues

Low self-esteem

Stress

Worry

Anxiety

The father complex is treatable, search for a therapist and analyse your struggles. If your partner is okay with that, maybe even consider couple therapy.