The World Of Black & White Thinking.

So am i the only one that gets more and more (silent) panic attacks when i get emotionally extremely tired like tired to the point it physically affects my body.

Feeling weak, nimbs going numb, dizziness and headaches, stomach pain, things like that I mean.

Probably also a thing that more people should talk about mental illnesses since just because you can't see something there isn't nothing. Most illnesses begin without a visible characteristic.

But at the same time, if we try and talk about this were just lazy or imagining things.

But why? Like (normally) nobody is questioning if you really have a headache or stomachpain or things like that but if you say "its because my mental health." You can't be sick just because they can't relate/understand.

I asked a friend who is a sociopath (diagnosed with ASPD, he refers to himself as a sociopath which is why I’m calling him that) what love feels like to him and how he knows when he loves someone.

I loved his answer. He said “Routine. If they are a part of my routine and feel familiar and comfortable and I would feel like something is missing if they weren’t there, then I think I love them.”

I have bpd with ASPD traits and I think his answer was so cute. I think that is what love is like for me too but I’ve never heard it so succinctly explained, perfect summarization.

"Your trauma makes you stronger"

No, my trauma gave me depression, quiet & self-destructive bpd, anxiety, insomnia and a inner child that desperately wants to get healed.

Scared of being alone, only pleasing other people desperately trying to have friends, to not be the outstander.

I was a child. I wanted to be protected by the persons that hurt me. I wanted their help & their love. And now I am the person struggling to accept care even though I want it because it makes me feel trapped & dependent. I am the person struggling to show love.

Sometimes wonder how things will be if I manage to do it until I am like, 70.

Like, i would probably be a hated, grumpy old women and would still have bpd. Like.

It really does never leave.

Hm, i don't want to get that old anyway but its kinda weird to think about that, also I am pretty sure the old days would be extremely hard to deal with, constantly reminding how your body is to old to do the things you loved to do.

We love the feeling of permanent panicattacks

They will never understand the sadness that you can physically feel in your chest

Since i got my first tattoo i wanna have more (impulsive ones) 😭

Someone stop me i'm broke.

Plus, I found to much comfort in that pain oop~

"Stop using your bpd as a excuse." excuse? if you want this shit, here you go. how can i explain these personality changes when not with my PERSONALITY DISORDER?

i just try to fucking communicate i`m sorry i really am. but hey, your words kinda work as a punishment thanks for the trigger because i am fucking sorry.

🤣😑🤷‍♂️

my range of emotions go from “it’s scary how much i feel” to “it’s scary how much i don’t feel”

The urge to rip out your arms during derealization.