Honesty Meme!

tatemcallisterr:

as much as tate hated to admit it, jaxon knew him better than probably anyone else on earth. they had been through a lot together throughout their friendship, quite a bit more than a normal friendship could handle. tate knew that jaxon had been through and still dealt with some of the same things he was currently going through, maybe not as intensely but still. he knew it was why jaxon preferred to work at night and sleep during the day. even when tate tried to sleep during the day he was jolted awake by the nightmares. finally setting his fork down he rested his elbows on the table and let out a heavy sigh as his gaze met jaxon’s. “because every time damn i close my eyes i’m back over there. except it’s fucking worse.” he shook his head, putting his head in his hands. it made him angry when he thought about it — it made him feel weak and god, he hated feeling weak. “alcohol helps. i’m not supposed to be drinking though.” 

jaxon sighed at tate’s response— it was the one he expected. and feared. it seemed like no one left the war whole. physically, mentally, emotionally. they were all tainted and damaged, and nightmares fucked with sleep and sanity in a very special way. he wished he had an answer for tate. a way to help make them go away, or even ease them slightly. but fuck... he’d been searching for that answer for two years and had come up with very little.  “ hey, man. it’s alright. don’t think i’ve ever met a soldier that didn’t have nightmares. yer not alone there, ” he offered quietly, intimately familiar with feeling weak or broken for struggling like this. fuck, he still felt like that a lot. but it helped... knowing his brothers felt like it too.  “ why aren’t you supposed to be drinkin’? i thought you were all healed up. ”

the day got away from me and i meant to get all my replies done D: 

but i work tomorrow morning, and im v tired. 

so becca’s reply on jax, and then all of kapono’s replies will come tomorrow. as well as replies to starters c: 

i’ll also post the new bios on the main! 

love y’all <3 <3 <3

Jaxon Sawyer && Three (5) Fictional Characters

Dean Winchester ( Supernatural ) // “As long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you.”

Nick Miller ( New Girl ) // “You love me too much! And you picked the wrong guy! And when are you gonna get that through giant head of yours? I’m just gonna let you down.”

Vic Carboneau ( Survival Code ) //  —"You wanna run your business in my bar, fine. I don’t complain.“  —"What are you talking about? All you do is complain!”  —"WHAT?! No, I don’t!“

Kristoff Bjorgman ( Frozen ) // “Of course I don’t want to help her anymore. In fact, this whole thing’s ruined me for helping anyone ever again……— Hold up! We’re coming.”

Jeff Winger ( Community ) // “I’m just a grown man who can’t even look his own friends in the eye for too long, because I’m afraid that they’ll see that I am broken.”

wilycoyotc:

The university professor glances to his side. He can only smile in response to Jaxon. He doesn’t speak until he’s had another sip of his drink. 

“Seen you coming in with a few girls. Don’t tell me you’re out looking the break hearts,” he teased the male. “All routes to my place are shut down. Plus, my kids are in New York– THANKFULLY. What were you doing before the weather turned to shut?”

“ oh, yeah. i’m using the storm of a decade to fuck off helping people and get my dick sucked, ” he chuckled softly, shaking his head and passing a hand over his wet hair. he was basically soaked, and it was really started to fucking bother him.  “ and this is a warm place to ride it out... with whiskey. a nice perk. if you want a ride back to yer place, i can pull some strings. i’m goin’ on hour twelve of a night shift, and i’m tired of dealing with panicked tourists. ”

tatemcallisterr:

Tate saw it coming, Jaxon’s careful first suggestion. It was the most logical thing to tell someone in his current state, and it certainly wasn’t the first time anyone had mentioned the idea to him. However, the way Jaxon proposed the idea was exactly why Tate wouldn’t do it. They both knew Tate wasn’t one to open up easily, or at all really. He used to be different. Talking about how he was feeling used to just come naturally to him. But a lot of things that used to come naturally were just not as easy anymore. “I’m not going to therapy.” Was all Tate said in response, completely shut down to even thinking about the suggestion seriously. He didn’t want to relive those days in his dreams and he sure as hell didn’t want to have to talk about them either. “It’s not fucked up, it’s just…stressed.” Tate decided before quirking a brow as Jaxon went on. “Oh yeah? You know Jonny, huh? Small world.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if anything would take the place of drinking. Although it might help me sleep for more than five hours.” It might also help him eat a decent meal once in a while, but he left that part out. Jaxon had enough worry in his eyes looking at him, Tate didn’t want to give him anything else. 

jaxon fully expected that reaction. even their issues in the past couldn’t erase the countless nights they spent on patrol together, and jaxon knew tate. then and now. they’d both changed in ways they hated to think about. he sighed to himself, and sat up a little straighter, leaning his elbows on the table and closer in.  “ look, man. i get it, okay? i don’t talk to them about my shit either. ‘cause i really don’t fuckin’ wanna drag all that shit up. but... they got counselors, who just give you suggestions, ya know? like they recommended me to a training program for my dogs, so they can help when i get overwhelmed. and they gave me a list of things to try when i’m in a bad place. jus’— somethin’ to think about, ” he shrugged, trailing off as he leaned back and sipped at his iced tea. it wasn’t something he wanted to pressure tate into. but he also didn’t want tate to blindly block out everything that had a possibility of helping. “ well i hope yer liver relaxes, ” jax replied, just barely smiling, hoping to get tate to relax some too.  “ yeah... we were best friends all through high school. remember i told you, how he went away to art school, got involved in sketchy shit, and we had a falling out. that’s jonny. same jonny you know, apparently. but smoking does help with the sleep thing. while your liver is healing, ya know? plus, i’d pay good money t’ see you stoned out of yer mind. ”

you are tired, you are hurt… 

“ okay is just a word I use so I won’t have to talk about what’s inside.  okay is a word that means I am going to keep my secrets. ” 

          — she told me i was fatalistic. i told her she was right. 

jaxon sawyer + the things inside his head // aesthetic 

NEW PhotoShoot de Kellan Lutz by Alessandro Rabboni

beautifulburnout:

After cleaning his paint brushes Jonny headed back outside to head home. He tucked his paint supplies into his messenger bag and started towards his truck. In all honesty, he hadn’t intended on being out here this late. He had only stopped by to do a touch up because his work had ended up smeared by curious hands. He was adjusting the strap to his bag when he rounded the corner and saw someone admiring his work. The artist smiled to himself and intended on passing by when something made him pause. He was about to mention that it would look better dry when Jaxon turned to face him. Those baby blues were a blast from the past and even if it had been ten years, he’d know Jaxon Sawyer from anywhere. He didn’t know what to do or say. Jonny rarely found himself speechless, but it figured that Jaxon could cause that. He could fuck him up with just a look. He didn’t expect this. Yes, he had ran into Mama Sawyer, but he didn’t think Jaxon would ever take interest in his life again. Not the way things ended between them. After a long moment he realized he was staring and so he cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Hey…um. Wow. Look at you, all grown up, Jax.”

jonny wasn’t supposed to be here. fuck, jax shouldn’t even fucking be here. but it was late, and he couldn’t sleep, and ginger was restless when he was. without the alpha sleeping, no one seemed to sleep. mama had told him about this. about seeing jonny. about seeing his painting. if you ain’t gonna talk to the boy, at least go see his art. it’s somethin’. he’d brushed her off in the moment, all but shutting down when jonny’s name was brought up for the first time in so many years. but he walked, and ended up here. and now jonny was too. it was stupid to think jonny would grow out of his late night habits. jonny didn’t know that jaxon had grown into them. he knew there was so much they didn’t know about each other anymore. 

if he thought he couldn’t breathe before, he really fucking couldn’t now. not with jonny, all grown up and filled out and just as annoyingly boyish, smirking at him like he was just on the verge of teasing jax about his scowl again. god, he’d stared down the barrel of a semi-automatic weapon and didn’t give a shit. but now jonny was looking at him, and he wondered how it was possible to still being in one piece with so much tearing at the inside of his chest.  “ y-yeah. uh... marines. and police force, ” he offered lamely, unsure of what else to say. ginger bristled slightly and leaned heavier against him. jamie just tugged and tried to get closer to sniff jonny. “ jamie. quit it. — i’m sorry. i, uh... got curious. i shouldn’t be here. im sorry. i should go. ”

the lost boys // jaxathan