thegothamgazettereportermarie

Latest Posts by thegothamgazettereportermarie

no thoughts just Jason blasting ‘white girl music’ on his motorbike as Red Hood

Minor villain: ahaha! The bats are nothing! I will easily beat them!!

*call me maybe starts playing*

Minor villain: oh shit

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Classmate or teacher: damian? Is someone coming to pick you up?

Damian: one moment *raises his head slightly*

*Superbass (Niki obvi) can be heard in the background at full volume, the ground shaking*

Damian: *heavy sigh* yeah my brothers here

Dick Grayson, leaving the house late at night in an incredibly tight cop uniform, smiling and coming home with bruises and a pay check: Hey guys :DD

the entire Batman: it’s okay, we know your a….a stripper and we will try our best to support you

Dick who just wanted to work in the police force: wait what

batman says gay rights because I bet you that every pride month at least one Batkid swaps his angsty cape for a pride flag. no one knows which flag will be next, Monday was a Trans Flag, Tuesday was the classic rainbow, and as the week progresses, the 'old' flags are interchanged for new, gaudier ones. Its one of the first times all the kids get along, sitting in a room in the manor, adjusting the flags and carrying out their roles (Jason buys the flags because who's going to question a man built like a double-door fridge? Tim and Steph combine skills to sew them to fit the Batsuit, and the others focus on sneaking them to the Batcave) Bruce, in a true fatherly manner, pretends not to notice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Batman, wearing the most insane bedazzled Gay flag as a cape, face blank under his cowl: whats the mission, superman?

Superman: *chokes*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some drunk guy on the sidewalk outside a bar: YEAH!! BATMAN SAYS BI RIGHTS!

*Groups outside of the bar cheering*

Batman: :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce hits a point where he simply accepts it, and even shows up to a JL meeting with a ridiculous cap balancing precariously atop his cowl saying 'men want me fish fear me' everyone is too scared to comment on it, even if Nightwing (who is over for and obligatory visit) is so obviously trying not to cackle

posting from my school fucking bathroom because the thought of Bruce in this billionaire persona after Jason comes back re-introducing him to the press is too hilarious not to comment on

Bruce, Playboy, Air head, Loving father, billionaire: This is my baby son :D

Jason, shit Ton of scars, built like a house, his muscles have muscles: Sup

Dick: Hurry up Timmy! We're going to be late!

Tim: I just have to find my phone!

Jason: Screw this! I'm just going to call it

Tim: NO WAIT-

*Cardi B's Bodak Yellow plays*

Jason: You realize that I have to beat the shit out of you again, right?

Tim: And in a refreshing change of pace, I actually deserve it this time

I like to imagine that a series of events has lead to Jim Gordon being awkwardly left alone in a room with each of the Robins at least once per Robin, thus leaving the poor man who is already overworked suddenly charged with looking after a very small crime-fighting child.

Gordon -enters his office to find Dick!Robin somehow perched on the back of his chair-: ....Hi?

Dick!Robin: Hi! Batman told me to stay here.

Gordon: ...Right. -awkwardly reaches into the filing cabinet that he keeps snacks for Barbara in- Do you... eat?

Dick!Robin: Yes?

Gordon: -offers him a pack of peanut butter crackers as though trying to distract a dangerous animal from pouncing-

My favorite thing about the bats is that… they are gothamites. And sure they scare the shit out of people… but they are in Gotham. Superman is loved by his people, Flash is adored, people pray to Wonder Woman, Green Arrow is feared. But the Bats? The Bats are like all of Gotham's weird older brothers/sisters/parents. Superman and Green Lantern are visiting Batman in Gotham and all of a sudden he gets smacked in the face by a banana and they turn and find a group of teens skateboarding away and one kid calls over his shoulder ‘eat the fucking potassium you absolute brick.’ and Batman doesn't even do anything. Barry is chilling with Nightwing when a girl runs beneath the building they are sitting on and screams “Nice ass Night! But get it the fuck down here, my cats stuck in a tree.” And Nightwing does a flip off the building and just?? helps her?? Wonder Woman and Black Canary are passing through Crime Alley on their way to the Batcave and spot Red Hood standing in an alley, being lectured by a woman who is half his size and she ends the lecture by throwing two sandwiches at his face and walking away. Red Hood just takes his hood off and starts eating. Superboy is helping Red Robin defeat Scarecrow and while they’re hiding, waiting for him to walk into their trap, RR is casually conversing with a Gothamite about Hogwarts Houses, and when he says the Gothamite looks like a Gryfindor he pops his head out and screams “Yo scarecrow hes right fucking here!” J’onn is heading to the Manor to discuss League business with Bruce when he spots Robin(Damian) fighting Riddler all alone and is about to intervene when three teenagers show up and just fucking deck him instead. Damian doesn't thank them, just glowers, and one of the guys goes “you're welcome you fucking brat.” And the girl even smacks the back of his head and goes “manners.” Clark is sent to go find Tim and Steph and Damian and finds them at this girls birthday party, in full costume, eating cupcakes and drinking punch, jumping on the bouncy house and is like “errr, B-Batman needs you home.” And as one the entire birthday party group went “Fuck Batman.” Spoiler was spotted painting these guys nails, Black Bat was seen teaching calculus to a group of teenagers, Batgirl(Babs) was running after a group of kids screaming “Give me back my laptop you fucks!” Just- just the batfamily and Gothamites being annoying to each other and appreciative yet bitches. 

Bus driver: stop getting thrown at my fucking bus, i got places to be and my insurance only covers so many shatter windshields and person sized dents  Batman: I don't really control where I get thrown Bus Driver: well you better fucking start otherwise theres gonna be another fucking villain on these streets *drives away and almost runs him over* Superman: *gaping* yo-you're just gonna let him do that? Batman: *shrugs* Gotham insurance aint what its cracked up to be Superman: *staring dumbly*

Tim: Who suffers more, God or us?

Jason: God will suffer when I get there

Dick: And that's why he won't let you die for real

Jason: Cursed with immortality? Outrageous...

Tim: Or cursed to spend your other life in the limbo

Jason: I'm banned from Hell too??

all the bat kids just start calling Babs ‘Chat’ whenever she’s Oracle over the comms

The joker: *evil monologue*

Damian, in the most bored voice: Chat is this real?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dick: *pulls off an insane flip-hit-the-bad-guy-summersault combo*

Dick: CHAT CLIP THAT!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason, distracted by goons: opps on these guys chat?

howdy pardner

since a lot of yall liked the idea of cowboy nightwing

throws these out for good measure

freaky wip photo

Bruce Wayne/Clark Kent

A Guidebook to Drinking Coffee by lovelytime

12/12 chapters

Summary: Bruce Wayne had a guide for everything in his life. He knew exactly when to laugh, when to say "thank you" and when to pretend he was drunk. He could muster tears on the spot and entertain an entire ballroom. He knew what to do, and how to do it, to get exactly what he wanted. But Clark Kent came with no guide.

Gotham fucking loves Brucie Wayne

Some nice Brucie Wayne headcanons for you all

Hes an idiot and a dork but he makes social events interesting because who else would fall into the chocolate fountain?

At any social event where kids are invited as well he can most definitely be found with the kids, talking to them like they are adults

He never treats anyone as inferior unless they're dicks

He once punched riddler in the face because he interrupted a girls birthday party

He has an entire fashion line that is dedicated to giving people actually comfortable practical clothes

Hes an absolute unit in bed. For both men and women. (either top or bottom)

He once held a man upside down by his ankles and shook him until everything had fallen out of his pockets because he had used to be a bully and was now a dick

Can and will walk teenagers home if its late at night. 

Always tips very generously

He was once in line at a batburger and there was a karen yelling at the poor 16 year old cashier and he walked to the front and just started sticking 100 dollar bills into the tip jar with the nastiest smile aimed at the karen. ‘The more you yell the more i tip.’ (the cashier was, coincidently stephanie brown, and she high fived him)

He has a social media but never uses it unless its to draw awareness to a certain cause or to show off his children. 

He also posts beautiful pictures of gotham, or of mundane everyday things, showcasing the beauty in life

(Is canonically a feminist)

Will protect waiters/servers/janitors from creeps or gotham elite who think theyre better than them

He stopped adopting kids but still pays for as many college tuitions as he can

Funded a city wide disability infrastructure plan so people with wheelchairs could go places too

He once rocked three guys with guns’s shit because they were attempting to molest these little boys

Punched a teacher in the face for making a student cry

Will at any time drop everything the second one of his kids asks him to

There is an entire instagram account dedicated to pictures of him helping old people cross the street

Once a month he visits inmates at the prison and offers them jobs

Genuinely cares for his workers and buys them houses and cars if they need it

Literally created gothams public transportation system and made sure it was free

Teamed up with poison ivy to make public gardens for everyone to enjoy

Funds clean energy research

Any celebrity fan mail he receives he answers personally

One time a little girl asked him to come to her birthday party and he did and brought presents

Taught an entire school basic self defense

Brucie Wayne may be an idiotic little shit but he is the Prince of Gotham and Gothamites would lay down their lives for him more willingly than they would for Batman.

Batfamily Interview!

Bruce Wayne/Clark Kent

Wayne Family Exclusive by Wolfsbanesparks

[Jason on the phone with Bruce] Jason: Turn around. Jason: No, the other way. Jason: Again, the other way. Jason: No, not there, one more time! Bruce: OH MY GOD WHERE ARE YOU??? Jason: I'm not there yet, but the thought of you aimlessly turning around in circles amuses me.

tim: mama didn’t raise no quitter

bruce: technically your mother didn’t raise anyone, your parents were extremely neglectful

tim: way to brighten the mood b

jason: you don’t even know what my favorite book is, how could you even stand to call yourself my father if you don’t know me anymore!?

bruce: jay, your favorite is pride and —

tim: the velveteen rabbit.

jason: … i’ve had like two conversations with you outside of murder attempts, how do you know that?

tim: im not an amateur, i took my baby stalker duties very seriously!

jason: i think we should get a divorce

steph: what are you doing?

jason: just practicing

steph: why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce?

jason: i don't know. i'm getting old, i think i'm having a mid-life crisis

steph: you don't even have a girlfriend

jason: hypothetically divorce me

steph: okay, then i'm hypothetically taking half your assets

jason: well, you didn't sign the hypothetical prenup

jason, to duke: it's called a prenup, right?

duke: yeah, it's a prenup, and you DID hypothetically sign one

steph: who the fuck is this guy?

duke: i'm his hypothetical lawyer in this divorce case

steph: well, then, i'm taking the hypothetical kids

steph, to tim: right? we can get those, right?

tim: yes, we can definitely get the hypothetical kids, don't worry about it

jason: who the fuck is this hypothetical fucking idiot? a hella fucking nerd idiot

tim: wow, that is a lot of hypothetical insults. i need to keep these on for continuity because i look like the other lawyer

steph: this is MY hypothetical lawyer, and we have been hypothetically sleeping with each other

jason: how could you hypothetically do this to me?!

steph: because you hypothetically are an alcoholic!

Bruce Wayne wakes up in the past, five months after Jason Todd died, and spends most days sat beside the grave because he never found out exactly when Jason had come back and he wanted to be there to save him when he did.

From an outside perspective, everyone is extremely concerned.

Dick Grayson/Wally West and Nightwing Joins The JL trope

Batting in the Wings by Jedi_Olympian

Arrow-Family

You’re Not Dating a Kid!... Actually This Might Be Worse by heytheresunshine

Roy Harper/Jason Todd Highschool AU

(Restricted) How to Get Your Twin Brother and His Crush Together: A Guide by Cassandra Wayne by Fairygothmother

Batman Fanfiction

At The End Of The World / Or The Last Thing I See / You Are Never Coming Home, Never Coming Home by Arkham_Knightx

Another chapter of my "The Wayne's on Twitter" work on AO3

Masterlist of Tweets

<- Previous Next->

21 - Bats and friends

Dick: why didn't you bring your partner to dinner tonight, Jay?

Jason, playing dumb: no idea what you're talking about, Dickhead

Dick: oh come on, I know you're dating someone!

Steph: what, you think Jason has game??? get real

-later-

Steph: oh, I know Jason's dating Roy. he's not slick about hiding it. I just thought it was funny to gaslight Dick

part 4

every bat kid is cursed with the plague that is their friends think that their siblings are unbelievably attractive (mainly because everyone in the wayne family could be models if they really wanted to) even if it’s just baseless attraction with no intention to pursue

roy: so your brother, he’s pretty cute isn’t he?

dick: you are so much older than him roy, you have a kid! and why would i agree with you!?

roy: but—

dick: go near him and i will break the golden rule

—

kori: so, how has dick been lately —

jason: kori, for my well being and mental state i do not wanna imagine one of my best friends with my brother, just give him a phone call - i can’t with the swooning this early in the morning

—

kon: damn, i mean i know he tried to kill you… but your brother is real metal y’know what i mean?

tim: what are you yapping about?!

kon: i wanna fuck your brother tim, jeez you’re dense

tim: jason? the.. REDHOOD? YOU WANNA- NO!!!!??

—

jon: damian, ever notice how dick and tim —

damian: finish that sentence and i will maim you

—

steph: cass is hot

duke: no…

steph: what? you’re saying she’s not??

duke: dude, she’s my sister, be so fr

—

this also applicable to bruce wayne, because why wouldn’t it ??

clark: your dad—

cass pulling out bright green knife from out of nowhere: no.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: DCU (Comics), Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd Characters: Roy Harper, Jason Todd Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Ghosts, Handcuffs, Domestic Fluff, Past Character Death, Cute, Meet-Cute Summary:

As a paranormal investigator, Roy really should have caught onto the fact there was a ghost living in his home sooner. But since this particular spirit seems more interested in cleaning up the house than haunting it, he thinks he can be forgiven.