I Don’t Take The Men In My Life Seriously At All Anymore. I Have Learned Not To Even Engage With Them

Men masturbate to shit that would be considered an actual fucking crime in literally any other context outside of porn and then act like that has no influence whatsoever on how they view and interact with women.

It's weird to expect lb to be able to read cn mind and called her a bad partner for it. But it's even weirder for lb to ignore cn WHEN HES OBVIOUSLY IN DISTRESS and not called her a bad partner for it because I think called her a bad partner for ignoring it is understandable and justified especially since she consider herself as his boss.

Every time I bring up this conflict, I try to make it clear that I don't think Ladybug was blameless, I just think Chat Noir's writing was worse. Let's walk through the problem to show what I mean.

Season four stars with Marinette extremely stressed by her new Guardian status. In Truth and Lies, the first episodes of the season, we get this:

Ladybug: Will you cut it out with the practical jokes? I could have really hurt you! Cat Noir:(answering while hanging by the yo-yo) M'lady, the only thing that really hurts me is when you make me go on patrol by myself. (sighs, relaxing his posture) I even missed your little angry pout. Ladybug: Sorry, Kitty Cat, I'm a bit over my head at the moment. (pulling him up) Cat Noir: I bet! "Guardian of the Miraculous", big name, big responsibility!

This is also the start to Chat Noir communicating poorly. In this episode, he's straight up told that Ladybug is in over her head and he never once asks how he can help. In fact, we even get him saying this when asked how he feels about the change:

Truth: Cat Noir, tell me what- (interupted by Ladybug throwing a present at Truth) Ladybug: (covering her parasol with foil) ...do you think about my new role as guardian! Cat Noir: If it doesn't change things between us, then I'm good with it!

So not a great start to the season. I know people focused on Adrien's terrible treatment of Kagami in these episodes, but this Ladynoir dynamic was actually what rang alarm bells for me. I kept waiting for Chat Noir to offer his support since it was really, really obvious that Ladybug was in over her head since she was late to patrols, the last season literally ended with her losing her mentor figure, and, you know, she straight up told him that was what was going on?

The next episode is Gang of Secrets in which we see Marinette out her identity to Alya. I get why she did this, she needed support and her partner doesn't seem interested in giving it, but she can't say that for certain because she never asked him directly and she should have. Trusting Chat Noir over Alya would have allowed Ladynette to maintain the security of her secret identity - a thing she claimed was more important than ever - and to honor their partnership. At the very least, she should have told Chat Noir that Rena Rouge was now a full time holder so that he could account for that in battle and to minimize the fallout by owning up to her mistake asap. The longer a lie goes on, the worse the truth will hurt.

To Ladybug's credit, she does eventually acknowledge her mistake after the Scarabella incident:

Ladybug: You... must've been pretty surprised to discover there was another holder! (Silence. She sits beside Cat Noir.) Ladybug: I'm really sorry, Cat Noir. I should've told you. I mean, if I found out that you told someone about your secret identity, I'd... probably be upset, too. I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings.

This is a decent apology. She doesn't try to absolve herself of wrong doing. Instead, she acknowledges that what she did would hurt her, too, if the shoe were on the other foot. The only thing she loses points on is the fact that she doesn't tell him about Rena Furtive.

However, instead of agreeing with her and telling her that she has hurt him, Chat Noir says that she did nothing wrong and never once brings up how their weakened partnership is bothering him:

Cat Noir: You didn't hurt my feelings. You did everything right. Paris will always need a Ladybug superhero to watch over her. It's just... I realized that if one day that hero wasn't you, m'lady, since we don't know each other's identities, that means... I'd never see you again. Ever. And now, I just don't know if I can bear it.

This is the thing that I hate about this arc. The reason why I say Ladybug is blamed for not reading his mind. Especially because, three episodes later, we get Rocketear, which gives us this:

Cat Noir: Everyone has doubts now and then, (looks down) even me... Ladybug: Is everything okay, Cat Noir? Cat Noir: Yeah, yeah. (prepare his fist) Pound it! Ladybug: (fistbumps) Pound it!

Rocketear is the episode where Nino outs that he and Alya know each other's identities while acting like Ladybug said identities weren't a big deal even though that is very much not what happened. You'd think that Chat Noir would want to know the full story, but instead he just lies and says that everything is fine.

So we have two situations where the show allowed Ladybug to give Chat Noir a chance for clear and open communication and both times he turns her down.

What's worse is that he clearly starts making up stories in his head, leading to Kuro Neko, which starts with Adrien avoiding a fight on purpose as some sort of shit test. He then gets upset when Ladybug... doesn't lament his absence on national TV?

Clara: (from TV) By the way, where's Cat Noir? You've saved Paris without him quite a few times recently. Are you two at odds with each other? Carapace, Pegasus, Vesperia and Pigella: (from TV) Pound it! Ladybug: (from TV) Of course not, it's just that... umm, he's a partner like any other! The most important is to pick the best superheroes for each mission, with or without Cat Noir. No matter what, we've got a great team and we'll always be here to save Paris. (Adrien is shocked.) Adrien: (turns off the TV and sighs) "A partner like any other..."

Dude, what did you want her to do here? Complain that you flaked on her? Make Paris feel less safe by saying she doesn't know where you are? Imply that the fight was barely won without you? What are you doing? Plagg, you are completely failing as a mentor right now.

The shit test continues as Chat Noir goes to meet up with Ladybug now that the battle is over, arriving just as Ladybug has finished instructing the team on what to do:

Ladybug: Come on, guys! Hurry up before you all detransform. I'll meet you at rendezvous points. (The heroes jump away in different directions, and Ladybug starts typing something on her Yo-yo.) Cat Noir: Hey! Meow are you, m'lady? Ladybug: Great, thanks, but I gotta go retrieve all these Miraculous. Cat Noir: I could lend you a paw to help save time. Ladybug: Thanks, kitty cat, but it's a guardian's job to do it. Cat Noir: I know who some of them are, remember? I was there when you first gave them their Miraculous! Ladybug: You don't even know where their rendezvous points are, I don't have time to— Cat Noir: Playing cat and mouse is my forte, you know— Ladybug: (yelling) If you wanna save me time, stop wasting it in the first place! (Cat Noir gasps. As Ladybug swings away, Cat Noir clenches his fist.) Cat Noir: And take my Miraculous back when you're done!

So Ladybug doesn't publicly chastise Chat Noir for missing the battle and rejects an offer to help because of very legitimate timing concerns, leading to Chat Noir quitting because she failed his stupid, petty, childish tests. Realistic writing? Yes. Writing that paints Ladybug as the one in the wrong? No.

Going into this episode, Ladybug has no idea that things are messed up between them even though she has actually kept communication lines open. She asks him if things are okay, but he lies. And when he's ready to quit? He plays stupid games and wins a stupid prize. It's really not shocking that the next scene sees Ladybug totally baffled by what just happened:

Plagg: For a while now, you've been neglecting this camembert— I mean Cat Noir, and going on adventures with the all other cheeses! Ladybug: But he should be happy about it, it gives him more time off. Plagg: Cat Noir doesn't wanna have time off, Ladybug! He is in love with you! And your persistent calling on all the other heroes has broken his heart.

And how is she supposed to know that, Plagg? Was she supposed to assume that her partner was lying when he said he was fine? Because she did ask and he said that nothing was wrong. But something was wrong and it lead him to build up a story in his head, reading nonexistent intent into her actions, all of which is toxic and unhealthy communication.

I cannot stress how common this shit is. I've seen it so many times and I will own that I've done it in the past and wound up getting no support when I needed it because I'd directly told people I didn't and they committed the heinous crime of... believing me.

Here's the other thing, there are times when I'm in distress and legitimately don't want or need help. Times when I just need to be alone for a bit. So if someone asks me if I'm okay during those times, I'm probably just going to say, "Yeah, I just need a people break" or something like that. That's why the Scarabella scene is so bad. Ladybug can see that Chat Noir is in distress and he gives her a fully plausible answer: I'm not upset with you, I'm just saddened by the idea of losing you. And she believes him because why wouldn't she?

Same goes for Rocketear. It's reasonable for Ladybug to assume that Chat Noir is just shaken by the fight. She has no idea about the bombshell that Nino dropped right before the fight. She doesn't even know that Nino and Chat Noir are actually close friends, making this fight a lot more devastating than it looks at face value. Her actions here are not objectively wrong. They're only wrong if you know the whole story, including Adrien's needs. Things that she cannot know unless Chat Noir uses his words to tell her things.

I cannot over stress how much season four is a textbook example of denying yourself support because you cannot communicate your own needs. Is it an understandable character flaw for a character with Adrien's background to have? Yes. Absolutely. 100%. But it's still a character flaw. This season desperately needed an arc about Adrien learning to tell people what's wrong. Not because he's the only one in the wrong here, but because things cannot get better when Ladybug has no idea that she's hurting him. (Nino has no idea either, but let's keep our focus on Ladybug.)

One of the most important things you can do for your own mental well being is to dismiss the idea that your needs are the same as everyone else's. Everyone needs different amounts of attention and values different behavior based on things like their upbringing and life events.

I get the feeling that I'm wired pretty similar to Marinette. At least, it influences how I write her because I can go months without talking to my best friends and still call them my best friends, a trait we all share because two of use are artsy introverts and two of us are moms to young kids, which allows for very little free time. Meanwhile, my SO and his best friend spend hours on the phone almost every week. I swear that those two go into withdrawal if they don't talk at least once every seven days. If months went by without them talking? Something would be very wrong, but the exact same time gap isn't even remotely concerning when it comes to my friends. It's something my SO and I had to figure out when we got together because I need a lot less attention than he does. But we communicated and found a balance that we continue to work to communicate about so that he doesn't feel neglected and I don't feel overwhelmed by too little me time.

What I'm trying to say is Marinette wasn't horribly wrong for assuming that Chat Noir was telling her the truth or that he liked having a larger team so he had less responsibility. Those are reasonable assumptions. Especially since he never actually indicated that he wanted more responsibility until he was ready to quit and decided to shit test her by pushing for more to do when she was stressed and on a timer.

I do think that she should have offered it to him before that or - at the very least - the show should have clearly stated why she didn't do that since it apparently had nothing to do with Chat Blanc trauma like we all thought it did. I'm not saying that she's blameless or perfect or that there weren't things she could have done better. It's just really hard for me to look at Chat Noir's behavior in season four and go, "Oh yeah, he's the injured party here. Ladybug holds all the blame and did everything wrong." She did many things wrong, but generally speaking, she owned her faults and tried to keep communication channels open. Chat Noir chose to ignore those chances to talk or otherwise try to express his needs in a clear and understandable manner.

We'll end with one final point to drive this home: You said that she's his boss. Well, if my boss asked me, "is everything okay with the project?" and I said, "yes" while freaking out about the upcoming deadline that I'm probably going to miss because he's given me too much work, the issue is not all on my boss. It's on both of us. Him for overloading me and me for not telling him I'm overloaded. You could even argue that it's mostly on me because I'm the only one who can properly gauge my own ability to do a given workload. As soon as it was too much, I should have said something. And if I don't feel like my boss is approachable? Then I should quit. But that isn't the situation I'm in and it doesn't appear to be the one that Chat Noir was in, either. He wanted to stay part of the team, he just totally failed to tell Ladybug how being on the team was making him feel.

People magically knowing what you need and how you feel is a myth. I promise you, most people in this world do not want to cause you pain, but if you cannot clearly express when someone is causing you pain, then you will continue to get hurt by people who would be very happy to not hurt you if they actually knew that their actions were causing you pain.

95% of women in prostitution want to leave, but can't because they don't have things such as financial means, healthcare, housing, treatment for addiction, or job training.

this is not a 'choice', and it is not 'empowering'.

there is no consent when a woman is fearing for her life.

my heart breaks thinking about the elderly women who voted for kamala harris thinking they’d finally get to see a female president in their lifetime only for a man who wants to take women’s right away to win.

And here they are, ALL of Marinette’s updated kwami swaps from my Timey Wimey AU including her new Multimouse design! Now that she’s FINALLY done and I’m completely satisfied with her designs we can get a move on with the other character designs! YAY!

*Updated version*

🌙 Subtle Artemis Worship 🦌

Spend time out in nature (e.g. go on a hike, take a walk outside, visit a nature preserve, etc.)

Dancing, especially at night and to music that makes you feel wild and free

Playing an instrument (although this is more for Apollo, I believe it also works as a form of Artemis worship)

Wearing jewelry that reminds you of her

Having imagery of deer, horses, or dogs around

Having literally any sort of animal symbolism around (she is a Goddess of Animals)

Investing in nature/animal conservation efforts (can simply be spreading the word if you can't afford to donate or volunteer)

Creating art of your favorite flower, plant, or animal

Keeping a picture of her in your wallet

Taking a walk outside during the crescent or full moon (only if it is safe in your area to do so)

Learning about self-defense (I feel dedicating a pocket knife, if legal, to her is a great idea)

Learning archery

Befriending neighborhood animals, such as cats, birds, or dogs; leaving food out for them

Lighting a bonfire with friends and having a good time together; dancing around it is especially great (please be safe about doing so; I don't recommend drinking first)

Star-gazing and moon-gazing

Showing compassion to others, such as through volunteer work or holding doors

Taking a warm bath at night

Having a candle that reminds you of her (no altar needed)

Wearing animal-inspired outfits or doing animal-inspired makeup

Visiting a local zoo, aquarium, or butterfly pavilion; taking the time to learn about new creatures

Watching nature documentaries or movies about animals (it can be movies/shows starring anthropomorphic animals)

Being curious about local fauna and flora

Learning how to safely forage for food, such as picking berries or mushrooms

Meditating in the dark of the night, especially on a crescent or full moon

Making a list of your goals; focus on completing these one step at a time

Taking new risks, especially ones that give you a sense of thrill and excitement

Sending kind messages to loved ones, especially those having a difficult time

Learning to prioritize your own well-being; taking care of yourself first and foremost

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May add to this later! For now, this is my list of discreet ways to worship Artemis. I hope someone finds it helpful. Take care, everyone! 💚

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

blame @mari-monsta for this

(the post)

stop saying things are empowering when what you mean is they make you feel more confident about how you appear to other people

Basic Hellenic Supplies

As requested, a list of basic tools! Don’t feel obligated to use any of this, as you really only need yourself to worship the Theoi :) These are just some things I use and find helpful.

Incense: Incense, resins, etc., are all great to have on hand. Manna was the traditional incense used, which is thought to have been frankincense or something with frankincense. As such, having some is an easy way to have a low-energy offering ready. Along with the incense or resins, you’ll need somewhere to safely burn it, like an incense holder or fire-safe bowl, and you may want a few charcoal discs.Sometimes you can find incense burning kits, complete with the burner and everything else. I’ve seen them at walmart recently.

Bowl and Pitcher: In the Ancient Hellenic religion, there is a method of cleansing using what’s called ‘khernips’. It’s usually a mixture of sea/salt water, spring water, a burnt match or herb, and a prayer for a Theos’ blessing over it. You cleanse your hands and face with it, and as such, using a pitcher to make and transport your khernips can be quite helpful. This can be easily stored or decorated as you wish, and it keeps water from getting everywhere. Also, keep a towel handy for when you’re finished!

Table/Shelf Space: To create an altar or shrine. you can use a shelf or table. Usually, you would have it high up if you can, but when it comes to Underworld or Earth Theoi, you would normally worship them closer to the floor. I personally like having my Kthonic shrines and altars on trays and platters to move around more easily. That way, when I need to give an offering outside, I can simply move the tray and not one thing at a time. 

Candles: The hearth-fire was a huge part of everyday life in Ancient Hellas, but it wasn’t the fireplace we know and love. A heart-fire was typically surrounded by stones, and was fairly large, It was in the center of the bustling lives of old. It was where people cooked, got warm, and entertained guests. We don’t really have an equivalent, but we can use symbolism to try and recreate the effect. I try to recommend candles to beginners who face the modern challenge of not having a permanent fire going to Hestia, whether they be real candles or electric ones. They can be found fairly cheap at places like walmart, or even the dollar store. In home decor and crafting stores, there are usually nice electric ones that will last a long while. My Nana gave me an old one of hers, and it works perfectly. It’s nearly as old as I am, so I can testify for their durability :)

Bowls/Cups: When it comes to giving offerings, burning things, and just worship in general, bowls are really awesome. If you wish to give a libation in a very traditional way, you can try to invest in a bowl shaped like a phiale, linked here. Or, if you’re more modern and like to fill your altar space with lots of quirky things, try finding a fancy libation cup to use specifically for rituals. Here is my personal favourite (due to the punny nature it holds) and another great one. But if you’re like me and are low on funds or are trying to remain a secret worshiper, then any cup or bowl will do. I find candy dishes to be quite beautiful and discreet, as a sidenote. 

Urn/Vase: Iv’e seen this more often recently, and I absolutely love it. I use a glass bottle keep my incense ash and burnt offerings in, and then later dedicate them to Zeus Ktesios at the end of each month on the Deipnon, but you can use an urn, a pot for a plant, an ornate vase, a jar, or a simple glass bowl to keep them in. Just make sure it isn’t flammable, since ashes are known to start fires when not properly disposed of. Along with this topic, you may want to consider finding a sealable container to potential make your very one Kathiskos :)  Here are two links for that: x and x.

Box/Place for Votive Offerings: I personally use a closable box for votive offerings, and I call it my “vault”. In the temples of Greece, there were vaults where you could leave offerings to a Theos. Similarly, this is what the box would be for. It’s for non-perishable things. I have used a bowl before, and a cup as well. When I need to get a bigger container, I put the offerings together in a shoebox, and then I have more room. Whatever works best for you will do. If you don’t usually give votive offerings, I wouldn’t worry about getting anything to keep them in. 

Representations of the Theoi: This is more of an optional thing, but a lot of people enjoy having a representation to focus on while worshiping. It can be a statue, a drawing, a symbol, or even a framed hymn or prayer. If it helps you feel more connected to a Theos, you can use it. I’m working on drawing (it’s not very good) the Olympians to hang near my household altar.

Barley: Although how barley is used is debated throughout the community and within scholarly circles, we do know it was used. Some say it was used to make a ritual drink, and others believe you would “scatter” it, meaning you would throw it around your altar to cleanse it. I am working on getting some barley to have in a vase just to cleanse my altar space a bit more, though I don’t plan on literally scattering it.

Hellenic Text: Having copies of things like The Odyssey, The Iliad, and the Homeric Hymns are all great. I can provide a few resources as to my personal favourites if you need any as well. Reading and studying literature from the prime example of Hellenismos will help build a quality understanding of who you’re worshiping and how you do it. I learned so much just by reading through The Odyssey, and it really helped strengthen my connection with the ancients as well. What you read doesn’t have to be religious, necessarily, it could be something like the poetry of Sappho, or a Philosopher’s study of the world around them.

Notebook/Online Cloud Storage: You will learn so much as you begin your journey. Taking notes, saving articles for further review, or just as reference, and documenting what you need to is awesome. Evernote, Google Drive, and Dropbox are all good things you can use to organize and combine your knowledge, but a good ole spiral notebook or binder works just fine. I like to keep my sacred texts in the physical copy, but I also have several online versions for easy access. My kindle also houses a couple things for when I’m on the go.