These Pinchers Actually Also Have A Use In Mating, Or Better Phrased, To Attract Females. The More Well-formed

Any flies you wanna get rid off by the way? @consult-sherlockholmes said there were some around your flat and that they are annoying to you. 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️☺️😌🥳😋😉😁

Hi John! I've missed halking to you! I tried to tag you in my post about the new account but I don't know if you were sucessfully tagged in it! Anyways, hello again! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️☺️😌😉😁🥺🥹😭

Hello there!

Ah, no I didn't see it but welcome back!

Stingy flies! Yummy! Also I can't wait to keep learning from you how to deduce things! And thanks for the infos, they're not only needed but also moch appreciated! You really have no idea how much I've missed you, along with everyone else. The only thing left that I really miss is my old username, so yes, I do agree with you on the matter that the old username was better. 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️☺️😌😉😁🥺🥹😭😇😳😋🥳

Hey there Sherlock! I'm back! I hope you've been well and I hope you still keep up those awesome, braincell-revieving, scientific explainations about stuff like insects or arachnids like myself! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️☺️😌😋🥳😉😁🥺🥹😳😭

I had noted your absence, and wondered where my second favourite arachnid had gone (the title of favourite arachnid still goes to @criminalisticonsultant, apologies). So your return is much appreciated. Welcome back, I had missed your questions and comments. But I will miss your old name, @shame-of-chimical. Reminiscent of better times. However, there have been some major changes during your absence. If you want to know more about it, I would advise you to read this post, some further information here, and if you have any more questions please direct them to my consulting assistant @veritassempervincit. But I do have some insects for you, as I have been bee watching last weekend.

...Totally didn't already losse half my legs! Good thing I still have a hooman form to turn into! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘☺️😉😌😁😳😇😅🥺🥹✨👉🏻👈🏻

Hewwo! Guess what! I became a bird mommy to a beautiful () female crow just this morning and she's a precious, very non-aggressive and super chill sweetheart! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘🥳😁😌😉😳🥺🥹☺️😇✨👉🏻👈🏻

A spider raising a crow.

And here I believed I have seen everything.

*Throws snowballs at @consult-sherlockholmes, @criminalisticonsultant and @consult-johnhwatson* SNOWBALL FIGHT!!! 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍😏😁🤭😋😌😉☺️🤣😂👀👉🏻👈🏻

It's about to be a white Christmas...😏

Could you please do head cannons for the slender brothers about a s/o who's autistic and is having a break down on how they would help her ✨ I had to after seeing one of your recent posts, thank you!

I’m sorry these are short! I’m not experienced with autism, but I’ve done the research and hope I got everything correct. I understand that not all meltdowns are the same, so I tried to just get the general picture.

Slender

His voice is calming and soothing as he talks to you

He’ll fetch your stim objects and perhaps your favorite snack or drink to get you calm enough to talk to him.

He’ll guide you to a safer/quieter/ dark place.

He’ll try to find the root of the meltdown and see what he can do to fix it.

Or if there’s something that you need, he’ll fetch it for you.

He’s very logical, so it’s likely he’ll creatively work with you to find out the problem by asking questions.

If you need some alone time, he’ll leave if need be. 

But out of habit he’ll peek in on you from time to time to make sure you’re not injuring yourself or getting overly panicked.

After the melt down, he’ll talk soothingly and suggest a warm bath after grounding yourself.

He’ll ask if you want or need anything and he’ll get said item. 

If you’re alright with being touched and held now, he’ll give you a solid hug and squeeze you against him.

Offender

He doesn’t know exactly what to do, but he tries his best to talk you through it. 

He’ll ask you how he can help you calm down, then he’ll try and go from there. 

He’ll fetch you something if you need it, 

But if it’s hidden somewhere he probably won’t find it bc he’s kinda blind when it comes to finding things ngl

But he’ll try and find a nice subsitute in the meantime.

He’s not too good with calming people down, but he’ll use his calming voice to soothe your emotions.

Will mayyybe (definitely) beat someone up if they were being too loud and annoying that triggered your meltdown.

After you’ve cooled off, he’ll hug and kiss you if you want and bring you some water so you stay hydrated.

Trender

He’ll go into New-York-City-Intern mode and fetch anything he thinks you need.

Comfort Item? Check

Stim toys? Check?

Cat? Check

Dog? Already on top of s/o.

WheReS The wATER? Oh, there it is!

Probably more scared than you are because he struggles to be a good boyfriend all of the time and just wants to make you feel better <3

He’ll sit by your side and try to talk it out, even if he’s not the best at communication, or talking at all, for that matter.

He might pull out some special fabrics he knows you like to stim with to help calm you down once the worst part is over.

He’ll also pull out some nifty bath bombs to help you relax post-meltdown.

Splendor

He’s so distressed too bc all he wants to do is HUG YOU and give you his love and affection.

But he can’t so he uses his words to try and help you calm down.

He carries some of your stim things and comfort items in his pockets bc he likes them too and it reminds him of you.

He’ll guide you away from the situation at hand, and sit you down in a quiet place, possibly dark too if he can find one.

He doesn’t have any trouble using his words to calm you down, he’s a great talker.

And if this has happened before, he always knows the path he has to take to calm you down correctly.

But once it’s over, he’ll avoid the area of the meltdown and take you somewhere relaxing, probably the bedroom for you to take a nice nap.

Exactly! And no other spider can ever replace me I hope!! 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍😉😏😋☺️🤭😁😌🥺🥹😳🙂💯👀👉🏻👈🏻

Would u like a pet cat or something more exotic? A spider perhaps?

I have a Spider already, thanks.

A cat might threaten it.

Goodness gracious, why...?! And if I msy be allowed to also give one of my own headcannons, I'd kind of say that Umbitch forces her student to wear pink when ever not in class. And on Wendesdays probably... But again, WHY?!

Hey! I know you're most likely gonna hate me for even thinking about asking that, but couple I maybe request a big bunch of your best headcannons about Professor Umbridge going full on yandere over onne of her female students??? Thanks in advance!

*blinks*

Okay, first of all, for anyone out there: I'm OLD and I live under a rock

Face reveal v

I had to google what yandere meant..... help

With that said, I– I just– w-why???

I don't even know what to tell you or what to make of this because my brain is physically unable to produce any sort of Umbridge headcanons so I don't know where to find you "a big bunch" of them

What comes to mind for now is the following:

She would give her student an ungodly amounts of useless gifts, like a collection of cat-themed stationery

She would build a shrine in a corner of her office with way too many shades of pink, tea cozies with the student’s face on them, framed photos of her and cuts from "The Daily Prophet", also singing kitten in moving portraits that would meow the student's name like a mantra

She would punish the other students for stupid stuff of course and the sanctions would be extreme with like a quill that writes "I must not covet what is hers" or "stay away from [student's name]" into their skin

She would have no scrupules using Imperio to hurt those who try to interact with her favourite student or punish her if she tried to have any sort of relationship, even platonic with someone else

She would implement rules at Hogwarts that would ensure she could spend time with her student

Also, she would rearrange schedules every day

She would come to Quidditch matches with huge banners with ridiculous slogans to encourage her student, and she would force the students she tolerates most to be part of a fan club to cheer during the matches (but not too much, otherwise she would feel threatened and severely punish them)

Apart from that, I'm sorry but nothing comes to mind because whaaaat 😭

*Snorts* So he actually did indeed fall down the staircase and probably gave poor Mrs. Hudson a heart attack! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍✨😂🤣😌😁😉☺️💯👉🏻👈🏻

Does your broken butt fell better today, Sherly? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😭😳🥲😅☺️😉😁😌😂🤣👉🏻👈🏻

My posterior is not broken. The majority of it consists of muscles like the gluteus maximus, which you can't really break.

Concerning my bruised non-injured coccyx and sacrum, I might have palpated them when if I had fallen on them. And the theoretical palpation showed no broken or moving parts. No x-ray necessary given that a broken coccyx can't be treated with a cast anyway given you can't immobilise the bone properly.

But of course such a theoretical injury takes some days to heal and several impact points on legs and arms have bruises when you fall down the stairs. Hematoma usually take a few weeks to heal, as well as the pain to lessen. All theoretical, of course.

You

Summary: Your husband, Severus, finally introduces you to his colleagues. The Hogwarts staff.

Pairing: Severus Snape x Female Reader

A/N: I feel like I forgot some people.

In the previous and last staff meeting of the year, the headmaster announced the schedule for the Annual Staff dinner.

This commemorated the end of a successful school year and the hopes for more to come. They were always encouraged but not required to attend the festivities. Your husband, Severus, would often stay for an hour before leaving.

This year, however, he vaguely inquired about inviting a guest to the castle.

A phenomenon that didn’t happen quite often and one that Dumbledore wasn’t lenient to grant. This sparked their intrigue and excitement. They were quite eager to meet you. They hoped it was you. The one that puts a smile on their Potions’ Master’s face.

To no surprise, the headmaster stated that any guest of his was welcome to join in the festivities.

Especially if it would encourage him to interact longer than what was professionally deemed necessary in a setting that was not the Three Broomsticks, Hog’s Head, Grimmauld Place, his office, or the high table in the Great Hall.

That’s why you were home, in front of your mirrored wardrobe half naked, unable to decide on what to wear.

“How about this?” you turned, black robes at hand, “Yes? No?”

“You’ll look splendid in anything, darling, in fact,” Severus said, from the bed admiring the sight of you. “I quite like what I see at the moment,”

He smirked.

His eyes locked on you in a haze of desire. Your cheeks heat up as he slowly walks over. His hand reaches out to gently brush a strand of hair away from your face.

“Severus,” his lips dangerously close to yours, your heart racing, his scent enticing, your hand gently pushing him away, “We shouldn't,”

“Why don’t we put that away for a moment?” His warm breath against your cheek sends shivers down your spine, your defenses crumbling as he puts the clothes away, leaning toward you, "Hmm?"

His lips are tender on yours as he pulls you closer. His eyes searched yours in consent, and you surrendered to his heated touch. Your arms wrap around his neck as you lose yourself in his embrace. His robes were warm and soft against your bare skin. Your nose gently nudges his. Closer. More. You silently pleaded. His hands roamed every contour and curve of your exposed skin.

His clothes needed to go. Now.

——————————— 🪄———————————

In the end, you’d matched his outfit. In black robes, and shoes, except for your jewelry in platinum and a scarf in your house colors.

“You were of no help,” you said, after apparating outside Hogwarts grounds’, “No help at all,”

“You love me,” he laughed, you pouted as he showed you in, “Yes, I do,”

In the castle halls, Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall caught the sound of his laughter. Their eyes turned to the bridge where their Potions’ Master walked side by side with a lovely woman.

“It’s time,”

In the spirit of celebration, their staff room was tastefully adorned in Hogwarts’ colors. Each color was distributed in a way that one was not as prominent as the other. His colleagues were absorbed in their own tasks as the two of you entered.

There were three women by the fire, punch at hand, talking. One you recognize as the Head of Gryffindor House and Transfiguration Professor, McGonagall. By the punch table, there was a small man you know from description as the Charms Professor, Flitwick, and a huge man, Hagrid. The remainder, however, were unfamiliar.

“Severus, so glad of you to join us, my boy,” the Headmaster entered from an office within, “Who is this lovely lady with you?”

“Someone you all wanted to meet for quite some time now,” Severus remarked, as he pulled you closer by his side, “My wife,”

“Oh, finally!” one small but lively woman, head full of curls, approached you, “You made quite an impression, dear,”

“We have never seen Severus so chastised,” Professor McGonagall joined the throng, “It was the highlight of our days,”

“Oh please,” Severus huffed, as you glanced at him and said, “I would’ve thought you’d open that Howler in a more private setting,”

“I was told Howlers shouldn’t be left waiting,” he justified, and sighed, “Imagine my guilt upon opening it,”

“You made up for it quite well, Sev,” you smile, his body relaxes, “Though, I hope outings like those wouldn’t need much incentive to be done,”

“I’ll do my best, my dear,” he sighed, and said, “Ah, apologies, formal introductions.”

His colleagues, Professor Hooch, Sprout, Pomfrey, Flitwick, McGonagall, and Trelawney greeted you in their way. They were very pleased to meet you and whisked you away once your husband was distracted by the headmaster for their short inquisition about your marriage.

To which you happily recanted for them because Severus was a private man and kept information about you to the chest.

It takes him an hour to escape the clutches of the Headmaster and return by your side. With the ladies by the fireplace, thoroughly exposing your husband’s romantic side to them.

“I simply cannot imagine Severus doing such,” Sprout chuckled, “Then again it is you, not us,”

“What are you talking about?” he menacingly came up behind you but no one was intimidated, “Darling?”

“Do you remember that trip to wizarding Paris?” you said. It takes him only moments to recall. His cheeks to the tips of his ears quickly flushed then he hid his face in your hair, “Dear god, please tell me you didn’t tell them that,”

“No, not exactly that,” you giggled. His arms securely wrapped around your waist, “But a more censored version,”

“We’re going now,” he insisted pulling you away from them as they laughed and you squealed, “Severus!”

“You are all menaces,” he pointed to the women as they stifled their laughter, turning to you, “And you are the worst of them all,”

“I love you,” you teasingly grinned, as he sighed happily taking your presence in, “And, I too,”

They briefly stared in awe at your husband’s admission. That’s how much you can get in public but in private he never hesitated to tell or show you his love. Their stares changed to smiles as he wrapped his arms around you. Your hands on top of each other’s above your stomach, rings twinkling in the firelight as you both warm up to them.

It was the first and only time he ever stayed the whole duration of the Annual Staff dinner.

Hey could I get some good omens content? Maybe Aziraphale x fem reader headcanons?

sorry for getting to this so late! 

- if you have long hair this boy will definitely braid it all the time. 

- if he gets attached he will stick to you like glue. 

- he always is attempting to get you to smile. 

- is a total cuddler 

- his main nickname for you would be darling or sweetheart 

- it is very easy to fluster him 

- if you’re into reading he will find you very old books 

- if you get sick he will not leave your side until you get better 

- he was very flustered the first time you called him baby 

- he tries to keep pda to a minimum around Crowley, but he sometimes slips up :)

- if he ever gets jealous just pepper him in kisses 

- gives the best birthday gifts 

- he’s not much of a flirter but when he does prepare to be flustered 

- loves to carry you either it be in his arms or on his back 

- if you’re ever sad he will cuddle with you and attempt to get you to laugh 

- if ya’ll ever fight just make sure to give him space, he’ll come around