13/10 Best Boi Around, Great Wig

I have an important story

I was walking out of the gym on campus and over to my bike to unlock it, and looked up just in time to see a goose attack a woman as she walked past. I’m talking grabbing at her jacket, flapping its wings, biting and honking. I’m no stranger to our aggressive campus geese but hot diggity damn. Then. Then the goose turned and looked at me and let out a horrifying honk and suddenly, it was like bullet time, suddenly this massive goose was flying towards me.

So I squared up.

I tried to protect my expensive headphones.

And I braced for Goose.

When that thing flew at me I kicked higher and harder than I ever have and landed a solid blow to its huge, boat like body. It was so much harder and heavier than I expected. No one expects to kick a goose. It let out this awful squeaky toy noise, tried to grab at my hat, and then flew up and landed on the roof of the gym, watching me. I couldn’t turn my back for fear it would attack.

The worst part? There was no one around. No one saw me kick this deranged goose.

For five minutes I stood there, terrified of this goose.

And then people started walking out of the gym.

“I saw you kick that goose.”

“Man, that was a mean goose.”

“Nice kick on the goose.”

Eventually it took off and I was able to resume my day but not after solidifying my identity as The One Who Kicked The Goose.

GORDON RAMSEY’S TWITTER CRITIQUES IS WHAT WE NEED IN TIMES LIKE THIS 

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@markiplier

You hold galaxies in your heart.

Yet, such a small speck of dust in this vast universe. Such an insignificant little speck that has done so fucking much. So much to people he’ll meet and never meet. So much to people who stay and go. So much to those who’ve passed and those who still keep kicking. 

I cannot thank him enough for everything he has done. And I know he’ll blow that off, that we are the real life changers. But I’m serious. He has done so much for us. He’s helped so damn much. So much that can’t be explained in just words. While the birthday piece isn’t the best I can do, it sure is a step. I’ve come so far because of him. Drowning out reality and quelling my anxiety with him. Drawing his big dumb face nearly everyday for over a YEAR. And he’s brought me so far, without even being near me. Helping me, and I’m sure other people, become better. I know he has so much impact on other people all the same. I know he knows that, but I want him to really fucking know that.

I will keep it short though, since this is already kinda long. Happy birthday, Mark. You’re an old man now. And thank you, for everything you do. I hope your birthday is going swell!

edit: i forgot to mention! i’ll be getting a tattoo inspired by you at some point in the future!. yeah.